“A bouncer in the club we raided didn’t like the look of my detective badge,” Jordan said, yawning. “Imagine that.”
“Which club? What’s this jerk’s name?”
Jordan chuckled. “His name is Conan the Barbarian, and he works in Narnia.”
“Not funny.”
“It is actually.”
I touched his face, observing the ugly discoloration. “Does it hurt?”
“It does,” Jordan replied, looking at me from under his eyelashes. “Can you kiss it better?”
“Fuck off,” I mumbled, lying down on my back. “Go to sleep.”
“Pleeease.” I could almost hear him pout. “I’m in so much pain.”
“You’re so lying,” I said with a sigh when I felt him snuggling against me. His body found mine, his erection found my hip, and just like that… I was in hell. Or heaven, depending on how you looked at it. When his head found the crook of my neck, I didn’t push him away, but I didn’t hug him either.
“I missed this,” Jordan murmured with a sigh. “Did you miss this?”
“No,” I lied.
He tentatively put his hand on my chest, waiting for my reaction, while I—I didn’t know how to react. I was frozen in Jordan-land. Entrapped in the citrusy kingdom with no way out. His body heat enveloped me, making me feel as if I were lying on a tropical beach with the sun high above me and warmth soaking my skin.
“Adam.”
I looked at him, only to find him propped on his elbow.
“Please,” he said, glancing at my lips. “Just once.”
I blamed it on the shiner. It was the shiner that made me falter… the shiner and pity, but nothing more than that. It was what I told myself when Jordan moved to kiss me, and I didn’t pull away.Just once. I told myself.Just once, and then things will go back to how they were.What a joke. Things have changed already. Maybe the other day, when I let him sleep in his bed. Or maybe that day when we entered that prison cell. Maybe even that day when Jordan joined the LD, and my obsession began. In any case, we ended up kissing, but it wasn’t enough. It would never be enough, and I realized it as soon as his lips touched mine. As soon as his tongue tangled with mine.As soon as the first whimper left his mouth, mingling with mine. As soon as I cupped his face, tilting it to my liking, so when Jordan climbed on top of me, his entire body trembling, I let him. When he started to kiss my neck, leaving hickeys along the way, I let him. When he took off his T-shirt, breaking the kiss for the shortest of moments, I let him. And when he started to rub his dick against mine, I came in my boxers a few embarrassing moments later. He was right. I did have one too many erections in that shower. It was why I bit my lip until I tasted blood to stop myself from shouting it out. It was why I gripped his waist as my hips bucked until I let it all out… cum and shame and anger and remorse and love and anger and shame.
“Fuck, I’m gonna come,” Jordan gasped, unaware of my ongoing climax. “God, I’m so sorry.”
I let out another weak spurt, gritting my teeth as he buried his face in my neck with a helpless whimper.
“I’m-m so sorry,” he kept repeating while humping me. “I’m so sorry.”
I could feel his warm wetness spreading over my briefs and mixing with mine. His drool on my neck. His hot breaths fanning my skin.
After he turned limp, I pushed him off me and straightened up. I moved into a sitting position, my back turned to him, my gaze fixed on the starless sky outside.
“I’m so sorry,” Jordan said, still breathless, his voice cracking. “I didn’t mean for this to happen.”
I couldn’t speak. I was still weak from my orgasm, and my heart pounded in my chest like crazy.
Not enough. Not enough. Not enough.
The words echoing in my head mixed with regret too damn well. I could hear them loud and clear, like a song on repeat. They refused to leave, even when I took my crutches and limped to the terrace, where I stayed until dawn. They were louder thanthe traffic in the distance. They were louder than Jordan sobbing in my bed. They were there to stay.
Chapter 21
You Reap What You Sow
Jordan
I was losing him. Even before what happened that night, I was losing him; I just didn’t know it. After that fateful event, it became painfully clear because Adam withdrew from me completely. No more silent, awkward dinners because he refused to eat with me. He was locking the door to his room at night to keep me out. He even stopped petting the dog as if he were partly responsible for what I did. Milo was confused. He kept looking at me with his big brown eyes as if to say,What the hell is going on?After I gave him no answer, he became less confused and sadder as the time passed.
