Colm is quiet beside me. He hasn’t said anything, but I can tell he feels the same way. There’s an ease and grace to his movements that I haven’t really seen in him before. Maybe he’s just relaxed now that I finally confessed all my dirty little secretsto him. I don’t really care about the reason; I’m just content to soak up the atmosphere.
We keep all the lights off and move through the walkways like we’re also creatures of the night. It’s almost all open air, with little bits of cement buildings and various rooms between the exhibits. And the exhibits are huge. Everything’s filled with native plants, and it seems like the animals have more places to hide and live than they would at a regular zoo. It means we don’t see much face to face, but I’m okay with that. Just the atmosphere is enough for me right now.
I whisper little tidbits about each of the animals to Colm as we move through. He doesn’t say much, but every time I catch him looking at me, he seems almost fond? Warm? It’s not something I’ve had a lot of experience with. Or really thought I needed. Even Ellery—who is not the warmest person in the world, just like me—looks at me with fondness sometimes, but nothing like this. He practically has cartoon hearts in his eyes.
I should make fun of him and shut the whole thing down before we get into dangerous territory, but I can’t bring myself to. There’s absolutely no doubt that if Colm and I parted ways, my life would continue just fine without him. But having him around… it’s nice. It feels like a little treat that I’m giving to the softer, more hidden sides of myself, and I’m beginning to come to terms with that.
Maybe I’ll keep him around for longer. I had planned to find Ellery, beg them to come home with me, or otherwise abandon Murphy to follow Ellery wherever they wanted to go. But I bet I can shoehorn Colm into that plan. If only I could just shrink him down and put him in my pocket for convenience, that would do wonders.
Also, it would be nice to have a consolation if things go sideways with Ellery. Colm is more than just a consolation, obviously. I’m not sure exactly what he is, but whatever it is, he’sdefinitelymore. Losing them both at the same time would hurt, though. More than I’m willing to face.
Eventually, we find a glass-fronted enclosure with a Gila monster sitting on a rock in full view. It’s absolutely massive, with dark skin mottled with orange. It watches us approach but doesn’t run away, obviously content to be quietly watched for a minute.
It’s beautiful. One of those things that makes you wonder how many different pieces of the universe came together in just the right way to make something so cartoonish but so elegant at the same time. Colm comes to a stop beside me, and he’s so close that I can hear him breathing.
His arm brushes against mine. His is bare, because he’s just wearing a t-shirt with all those ugly tattoos on display, while I’m wearing an unbuttoned flannel that we picked up at a service station a few days ago. I should step away, or at least scold him for breaking the rules, but it seemed like an accident. In the entire time I’ve known him, Colm has respected my rules with a shocking kind of diligence, and it’s one of the things that makes him different from almost any man I’ve ever known.
He makes me not want to care about my rules, for once. Even if the closeness is making my skin itch and a little hum of anxiety make itself known beneath my skin. I focus on anything else, so I don’t have to confront what this man is doing to me. Or before I get so stressed out that the only distraction I can use will be fucking him right here in front of the lizards.
“Did you know that Gila monsters are one of the only lizards in the world that’s truly venomous?” I ask him, leaning into this distraction.
“Honestly, I think I did. You’re not the only one with facts, for once.”
He turns and gives me a small, teasing smile, and I can’t stop myself from smiling in return.
“What a clever rabbit. Well, their venom is mostly for defense, not hunting. But a lot of the really big lizards of the world—the kinds that would swallow a chicken whole right front of you—have developed to have so much bacteria in their mouths that it basically acts like a venom. So they can bite something much bigger than them and then run away. The deer or cow or whatever will slowly get septicemia and get weaker, and only then will the lizard move in for the kill.”
Colm is nodding slowly, like he’s absorbing all that information and storing it for later.
“So, the opposite of your attack style, basically,” he says in a hushed voice.
I can’t help but chuckle at that, because he’s not wrong.
“Yeah, but you love my attack style. Don’t think I’ve forgotten how hard you got watching me kill your captors. Sitting there all trussed up and bloody with a fucking erection waving in my face.”
Colm smiles again, but doesn’t deny it. The back of his hand grazes against the back of mine, feather-light, and for a split second I almost understand why some people like to hold hands.
I’m so lost in it; I almost don’t hear the noise. But a few seconds later, it penetrates the fog ofColmthat’s wrapped around my mind.
“Shh,” I hiss. “There’s someone here.”
“Oh shit, maybe there’s a security guard. We should bounce.”
Colm is whispering, but he doesn’t sound as concerned as I am right now. I don’t have a reason for it; it’s just a sense. Something feels wrong, like that peaceful atmosphere from before has been pierced.
Clearly, the Gila monster senses the same thing, because they abruptly scurry off the rock and back into their hidey hole.
“I don’t think it’s a security guard, little rabbit.”
Just as I say it, the sound of low voices reaches us, and it’s clear that whoever it is, there’s several of them and they’re also sneaking around. I’m not overwhelmed with concern, but I am listening closely, and that’s when I hear them say my name.
“Shit. It’s them,” I whisper, grabbing Colm’s sleeve to tug him in the opposite direction.
My timing is perfect, because I can just see booted feet appearing around the corner as I do. And there’s more boots than I was hoping. I can take down a very respectable number of people in a fight, and Colm isn’t as much of a wet blanket as I like to pretend. But even though this place is open air, the spaces between the enclosures are long and narrow. If we get into a firefight right now, there’s no way for it not to become a bloodbath.
I’m assuming they were expecting to have the advantage of both numbers and surprise, but once again, they underestimated us. It must be difficult to grasp that everyone else in the world isn’t as incompetent as they are.
Colm and I move quickly and quietly until we’re in one of the squat buildings between exhibits. Colm tries the door, and when it opens steps inside. It’s too dark in there to see how much space there is, but it looks very small. Barely a closet.
