“Same, baby,” I say softly. “Same.”
We both fall into a comfortable silence, and Silas keeps stroking my back while I tap random patterns into his skin with my uninjured hand.
“Silas?” I ask, feeling suddenly exposed.
“Yeah?”
“Promise me everything’s going to be okay. That I can go to therapy and learn to stop being an asshole. And we’ll talk more about the things we’ve been fighting about. I haven’t forgotten about the sex stuff, either, and I know we need to deal with that. I’m trying really hard not to shy away from anything or push anything under the rug anymore. But I really need you to promise me that if I keep trying to be better, you’ll keep trying too, and we’re just going to keep learning to love each other better, and we’ll still get the happily ever after part. Right?”
Silas is quiet for so long I start to get a little scared about his answer. But he sounds so sure when he speaks, all that worry melts away.
“I promise, Cade. I’m not letting this go. I promise we’ll both get the happy ending we deserve.”
When he leans down to kiss me, I can’t stop myself from believing him.
Epilogue
Ithought I’d feel more nervous. I really did. But instead, everything seems to have fallen into place.
The party we had for our anniversary was actually nice, and Cade kept his promise about not making me the center of attention. It wasn’t deliberate, but the timing of it made the party feel like some sort of test of how much progress we’ve made. It’s only been a couple of months since Cade’s accident, so it would have been easy for nothing to really have changed and for us to both be stuck inwe’ll get to itmode.
That was definitely my biggest fear after things fell apart and promises were made. Cade would put off therapy and we’d both put off talking about stuff, and everything would get swept under the rug. But I was totally wrong. Cade launched himself into attacking the problem the same way he used to launch himself into what he thought was taking care of me, and it didn’t take long to feel the effects.
He hates therapy, obviously. He was always going to. But he goes and he tries and I do believe it’s helped him. And westopped circling around each other nervously without saying anything, which seems to have helped most of all.
And his dad has stayed the fuck out of town, which hasn’t hurt.
So, when it came to the party last night–something well and truly out of my comfort zone–everything going well seemed like confirmation that we were doing the right thing. Cade had a few drinks but didn’t lose control of himself. I didn’t struggle with the food as much as I used to, because I realized that was more of a side effect of feeling stressed and out of control, rather than the root of the problem.
We hung out with our friends and no one made a big deal about anything, but Tristan and a couple other people quietly said something about how happy they were to see us happy, and it felt like finally coming down the other side of a massive hill.
I think I’ve lived my entire life walking at an incline, and I never realized how easy things could be until we got here.
Last night was the party, but tonight we’re addressing the final thing that has been weird between us–sex. There were so many half-fights and unsaid fears before. We were both nervous after Cade’s accident, and between the emotional load and all his fucking injuries, we went back into sex with so much fucking restraint, it didn’t feel like us.
It was still nice, obviously. But it felt weird. All disjointed and like we were both afraid to upset the other person. I never really knew if all the rough, desperate sex we had was healthy or part of a bigger problem, and after a while we both had to admit that we needed to address it.
There were conversations during therapy. There was more research. Cade even asked Wish some kink-related questions–I don’t want to know how that conversation started–and he ended up joining a fucking BDSM educational Discord.
I took one look at the interface for that and gave it a hard pass, but he seems to like it.
It was freeing to know that there were so many people who also like to have weird, kind of brutal sex, but maintain healthy relationships. I’d read about it before, but there was so much more to consider than I ever realized. And so much to talk about. It was actually exhausting, but if we can get back to normal–or a new normal where maybe the sex is even weirder but we both stop being weird about it–all the awkward conversations will be worth it.
I’m not nervous. We’ve never done something this… structured before. But it’s still just me and Cade, at the end of the day. And I want to make him feel the way he seems to need, without putting either of us at risk.
I’ve been waiting outside the bedroom for long enough I know he must be freaking out. We talked about all the different things we could do and this is what we agreed on, so I know he’s into the concept, but it still feels weird to be out here while he’s in there, simmering in his own desperation and arousal.
I finally open the door, and he doesn’t move–just like he’s supposed to–but I can see the way his body sags a little in relief. Before I left him, he stripped down, got on his knees, let me loosely tie his hands behind his back, blindfold him, get him achingly hard and then put a cock ring on him. I thought leaving him for so long would make his erection go down, but apparently I underestimated how much this dynamic is doing it for him. Or maybe how well the cock ring was going to work.
He’s rock hard, and glistening in the low light thanks to how much fluid has been leaking from his tip. When I take a step toward him, Cade sucks in a breath and his entire length flexes in the air. It feels like he’s reaching for me, which is ridiculous but also makes me thrum with arousal.
“Did you miss me?” I ask.
“Yes.”
The word comes out in a rushed exhalation, and he already sounds wrecked. I fucking love it.
Cade sways a little in my direction, so I get closer to him before crouching down. I’m inches away from him, but not quite touching him, and seeing how affected he is already makes my head spin.
