I can see her snap her fingers and point at me out of the corner of my eye.
“That’s the one. Sounds like you really fucked yourself up. They weren’t sure how long it would take you to wake up.”
It’s hard to stop trying to look around, even though it makes my head throb and the low light in here is still too bright.
“Shouldn’t you be telling the nurse I woke up, or something? If everyone was so worried, how come nobody’s in here?”
I sound like a little kid, but I can’t bring myself to be fully ashamed right now.
Krystal takes her time to answer.
“I can get the nurse. Seems like you’re doing alright, though, and they’re stretched pretty thin around here. You had your scans; doctor told us it was just a matter of waiting, to try not to worry. You’d have a lot more people in here if they weren’t all so worked up right now.”
I’m scared to ask, but I do it anyway.
“Where’s Silas?”
My eyes well up embarrassingly fast when I say it. God, I’m so scattered. I’m terrified that he hates me. He would be right to, I know it. But if it’s true, I’m not sure I’m ready to face that reality yet. I blink back the tears, hoping she’s about to tell me he went to the bathroom or something.
“He was having a hard time. One of y’all’s friends showed up and they said they were going to go get your bike and truck from the track. I think he might have just needed a minute.”
A tear slips out without me being aware of it. It feels like all I’ve done is cry lately. When the fuck did I become this much of a mess?
Krystal tilts her head at me, and even though her expression stays blank, it feels sort of sympathetic. She lets out a big sigh, like all of this is an imposition on her—which I guess it is,she doesn’t fucking know me—and then reaches out to run her fingers through my hair.
The gesture almost makes me crumble. I want to crawl into her lap and hang onto her like a little kid, as pathetic as that is. I take a few gulping, shaky breaths and get myself under control, though. Crying about it isn’t going to help anything right now.
“It’s okay to be sad, hun. But I’m sure he’ll be back soon. He’s upset, but anyone with a set of eyes can see how much he adores you. It’ll be okay. You should probably try to stop doing stupid shit though, like getting into accidents or starting fights all the time.”
That makes me laugh a little, even though it sounds wet and the action makes my headache worse.
“I’m honestly surprised you’re being so nice to me,” I tell her.
“Yeah, well.” Her fingers keep stroking my hair, and she shrugs like it’s no big deal. “If my kid was alone in the hospital, I’d want somebody there to be sweet to him, if it couldn’t be me. He’s had a hard go of it, just like you. Gets angry a lot, just like you. It doesn’t cost you anything to show someone a little kindness.”
My forehead creases and I keep studying her as I listen.
“If you have a kid, what are you doing slumming around with my shitty dad?”
That almost drags a smile out of her, but if it counts as one, it’s bittersweet.
“I had some shitty stuff happen to me. And I did some shitty stuff to myself. Made a lot of bad choices, so the state finally took him. He’s twelve, andbehavioral,” she makes air quotes as she says the word. “So they put him in a group home. I have a court date for it soon, but I needed to get away for a little bit, as long as I wasn’t allowed to see him. I couldn’t stand being at home without him. Your dad and I happened to meet at a mutually convenient moment.”
I’m watching her, trying to figure out what to say, because stories like that always hit me where it hurts.
“I’m sorry.”
She shrugs, and starts stroking my hair again. “I’ll get him back. Jump through their hoops, make better choices. Find some safer ways to work, so I don’t catch any more solicitation charges. Maybe I can start one of thoseOnlyFansaccounts and get famous.”
Now she really does smile, teasing me a little, and I can’t help but laugh.
“Anything sounds better than hanging out with Kyle and bankrolling his dumb road trip.”
Krystal looks at the ceiling for a moment, like she’s thinking.
“Hey, I’m not looking for your pity. Kyle’s not that bad, anyway. Not really. I’m sure he was a terror when you were little, I’m not saying any of that isn’t true. But in my experience, men like him tend to either mellow as they age and let the fight drain outta them, or they let everything else drain out and become all fight. All hard edges all the time. Those are the ones you need to stay away from.”
“I guess,” I say, chewing on my lip out of habit.
