I stand up, moving to his knees and then bending over. He lifts his chin to kiss me, but I catch it in my hand, holding him still for a moment while I look him in the eye.
“Hello,” I say. I don’t know what I mean by it, but I mean something.
“Hi.” He’s already breathy, like he always gets when I manhandle him a little. Then he smiles at me–all goofy and shit, as he would say–before I close the distance between us for a very PG kiss.
“Gross. Can’t you do that somewhere else?”
Cade gasps dramatically.
“Selective homophobia! We’re literally all sitting here together watching boys kiss on TV!” he says, turning to laugh at his sister as she glowers at him.
“TV kissing and real-life kissing are two very different things. One’s cute, the other has saliva. I don’t need to ever see either of you with spit on your mouths again, thank you. It’s nasty.”
I can’t help but laugh quietly as Cade looks a little shocked.
“Well, I gotta say I’m a little happy you’re so anti-saliva. It’s very hard for someone to get knocked up without exchanging any fluids, so you can keep this attitude as long as you want, as far as I’m concerned.” He nudges her elbow with his, smiling. “I’m not going to stop kissing Silas, though. You can learn to live with it. At least we let you put on something other than Home Shopping or the fucking Real Wives of Sheboygan.”
Maddi snorts. “Yeah, you’re a real prince. I’ll be sure to mention you in my prayers for your great sacrifice.”
She’s dry and prickly about it, shifting away from Cade. I swear she gets funnier every day, even though I’m not exactly an expert on comedy. It makes me worried, though. I can tell that she’s upset about shit. Maybe all the time. And cracking dark jokes is about all she’s willing to do to let it out.
It’s not my place to say anything, I always thought. But maybe I should. Cade is amazing with them, but I can’t keep relying on him to take care of everyone all the time.
“Did you eat?” I ask Cade, always the master of the subject change.
“No, I came straight home. Don’t worry though, I’ll get something.”
He starts to get up, but I can see how pale and exhausted he looks.
“Sit, Cade. You just finished your shift, I’ve been home all afternoon. I’ll get you some food.”
I turn and move toward the kitchen, before Cade shouts after me, “Something with carbs, right?”
“Vegetables are a carb, Cade.”
“Aw man, don’t try to trick me, robot boy,” he shouts loud enough that I can hear him from the kitchen.
I smile, but don’t answer, pulling another potato out of the bag to put in the microwave.
“Do you think Maddi’s doing okay?” I ask Cade later as we’re crawling into bed.
He stills, crinkling his eyebrows for a minute before turning to look at me.
“Yeah? I mean, why wouldn’t she be? She seems normal to me.”
The words I want to use aren’t really coming, so it takes a second to piece together what I want to say. Cade takes advantage of the moment to burrow down further under the comforter and press his face directly into my armpit like a brat.
“She seems sad.”
It’s all I can come up with, in the end. Cade also takes a long time to think before he answers.
“We’re all sad, man. It’s sad. She’ll be okay, though. She’s tough.”
“I don’t know if that’s a good thing. Sometimes people can get too tough. Take on everything themselves, always pretend that they’re fine until they eventually break down.”
I’ve wrapped my arm around the back of his head so I can tease at the hair falling over his face while I talk. He was leaninginto it, but as soon as he gets the picture of what I’m saying, he freezes.
“Are we still just talking about Maddi?” he asks, his body stiff.
