I did all this to keep him away from Father.
Micah’s eyes soften, but his mouth twists and I see so much of my sadness reflected in his face that it makes me physically ache. His thumb slides up into my hairline, and his fingers scratch hard into the skin at the base of my skull, scratching me over and over as if he can force some relaxation into me.
“Then tell me, doll. Just tell me. Whatever it is.”
“Eamon’s dead.”
Micah frowns and looks confused for a second. Then realization dawns, and his mouth forms a small ‘O’. For a second, I think he’s going to ask me outright, but then he looks around his apartment as if he thinks it might be bugged.
“This is what your fight with Patrick was about, I’m guessing.”
Those are the words he settles on in the end, but we both know what he means.
I nod, and he takes a long time to absorb the information. It’s too quiet. I shrink further and further into myself, fighting the urge to physically curl up small and ignore all of this until it goes away.
I don’t know when I stopped even being able to pretend to be strong, but it happened. And I’m so far past caring about it.
“I’m sorry, Tadhg,” Micah says at last.
Something in me cracks. Which makes something else splinter, and then crack after crack spreads through my body. I’m a salt pillar, hard on the outside but so riddled with fissures that I only need one tiny breeze to utterly collapse.
This is it. This is when he tells me to leave.
I don’t feel sad anymore, though. Numbness is quickly taking over.
“I shouldn’t have told you not to do it. That was dumb. It was never in your control in the first place, and I knew that. I was just being self-righteous or something.”
The words come to me, but they’re difficult to parse through thewhomp-whompof blood rushing through my ears.
“What?”
Micah’s eyebrows meet in the middle, and he leans in closer to me, his hand still on my neck.
“I shouldn’t be giving you ultimatums, Tadhg. It was selfish. Not while Patrick still has all the power, here. I’m sorry I made you feel like you couldn’t tell me.”
When I still don’t answer him, blinking slowly and trying to absorb all this, Micah moves closer and ends up climbing into my lap. He wraps his legs around my waist, still gentle on the side with my bruised ribs, but his arms loop around my shoulders and squeeze me as tightly as he can.
It helps. I take a few more short, tight breaths and feel the fog lifting. He’s not leaving me?
“I love you, Tadhg. I told you. I’min lovewith you. That doesn’t change because you get trapped in a shitty situation or you fuck up. I know we’re both kind of used to love with strings attached so it’s hard to grasp, but we can at least change that with each other, right?”
I just keep staring at him. Every word in the English language has evacuated my brain.
“Unless,” he says, his brow furrowing. “You don’t feel the same?”
Well, if I ever hated anything in my life, it wasn’t as much as I hate the unsure look on his face right now. Not my Bambi. That’s the final gut punch that gets my gears turning again and brings my tongue back to life.
“Of course I do, Bambi. You’re the only person I’ve ever loved. I’ll do anything for you. I just wish I could stop being so weak and letting you down.”
“Oh, doll,” he whispers, before kissing me lightly on each cheek and then my forehead. “I told you before, but I’ll tell you every day if you need me to. You’re so strong. You’re so good. You have no idea how good you are, but I do. I promise, you could never do anything to let me down. Just keep being here and letting me love you.”
I nod, choking on a lump in my throat too big to talk through.
He kisses me. Not deeply, but when he opens his mouth, I respond, and he laves his tongue lazily against mine. It goes on for a while, even though it’s not headed anywhere. It feels good to have him in my hands. I want him wrapped around me forever.
When he breaks off the kiss, it’s too soon and I chase him. He wants to talk, though.
“We need to deal with Patrick, though. That sadistic prick. We can’t keep living in this in-between. You and me, brainstorming. Right now. We either have to find something to frighten him into letting you go, or something valuable enough to trade him so he’ll let you go. So, you tell me. What’s Patrick afraid of?”
