Colm has my father pinned against the wall exactly like I did a minute ago. He’s the same size as me and just as strong, except there’s no hesitance in his movement. There’s also no rage. Or at least it’s a controlled rage. He’s restraining Father but not hurting him, whispering something in his ear while wearing an expression I know he’s used on me a million times that I think means ‘my boss is a fucking child’.
Eventually, Father shoves Colm off, but there’s a note of finality to it. He doesn’t come for me again, even though I’m still cowering on the floor like a weak thing he could tear apart.
Colm stands back with his hands raised, letting Father go. But I don’t miss the subtle way he angles his body in between the two of us. It’s so small, I’m sure Father doesn’t notice. I only do because it’s something I’ve done for Micah a hundred thousand times.
My heart squeezes, and I feel a pressure behind my eyes.
Father looks down at me with more contempt than I’ve ever seen.
“Kill the queer, Savage. Today. Or I will make that boy pay the price.”
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get it. The world is an intractable fuckhole and I’m never getting off this ride. You don’t need to rub it in.
“Yes, Father.”
He turns to go, but I take advantage of the fact that I’m still riding the endorphin wave from my beating, and I don’t really care what happens to me one way or another anymore.
“Wait. I have one question.” He half-turns, one eyebrow lifted, but he doesn’t leave. “Do the Aryans really have a contract for me, or was that a lie?”
Father jerks back, as if the words slapped him.
“Why would I lie about that?”
“To keep me on the sidelines. Or scared. I don’t know. It just seems weird that they’ve had a contract on me all this time, and not one of them has even come close to tracking me down. There’s Brotherhood territory all around this place. I’m not advertising my presence, but I also haven’t exactly been hiding in a root cellar. I know they’re dumb, but they’re not that dumb. They should have found me by now if they really wanted me dead.”
There’s a long silence while Father mulls the information over. It’s so obvious once the words are out of my mouth, though, and he clearly knows it. From the look on Colm’s face, he’s thinking the same thing.
“Well, it sounds like that would be something to ask Eamon about before you off the bastard.”
I don’t say anything, but I’m sure my question mark is written all over my face. Colm is turned away now, chewing awkwardly at his lower lip like he knows something I don’t.
“He’s the one who found out about the contract in the first place, Savage. If anyone is lying, it’s him.” Father takes a deep breath and walks a few more steps away until he’s at the door. “Now go do what I trained you to do.”
Chapter Twenty-Six
Savage
Idon’t know how long I wait for Micah to come home from work. I’ve spent a lot of my life in a mental state where time becomes a little abstract, and this is definitely one of those times.
At least I’ve showered off all the blood, unlike the last time I came home like this. The bruising on my face is even more obvious now that I’m clean, but he’ll understand as soon as I tell him I saw Patrick today.
Eventually, the door cracks open and my name rings through the apartment. It immediately settles some of my nerves, but that only makes me feel guilty as hell. Why should I get to be soothed by Micah’s presence when I couldn’t even stand up for him?
I’ve never stood up for him. Not really. The only way I’ve protected him is by committing violence or accepting it. All the times I’ve had the chance to actually tell Father to shove his hateful opinions or make it clear that Micah will be hurt over my rotten corpse, I freeze.
Because that man still has more power over me than Micah does.
Because I let him.
Of all the things I hate myself for, I think that’s the one that I hate the most.
“Tadhg, what the fuck?”
He must have seen my face. I look up from where I’m sitting on the couch, trying my best to blink the world back into focus.
“It’s okay, Bambi. It’s just bruises.”
“Yeah, but shit.”
