“You’re such a baby,” I say as I pull him into a tender kiss. We can revisit the medication talk again later. And again and again and again, for as long as we need, until my doll is all taken care of.
Savage
Three days after the conversation we had about meds, I’m almost convinced that the subject is dropped. I’m praying for it.Until Micah shows up to pick me up from work, looking pale and exhausted and rumpled from his shift.
I don’t kiss him in the parking lot, because we’re still on the DL until we can figure out how to completely get out from my father’s thumb. Not that he would be caught dead here, but he has eyes everywhere. Eamon, usually, although that fucker is on his last thread of Father’s patience for spending more time looking for Tobias than working. I’m pretending I don’t know shit, obviously. I’m just quietly gathering information about Eamon’s betrayals, like I was asked, and minding my own business otherwise.
The other issue with potentially kissing Micah in public would be explaining to the world that we’re not actually brothers and never were. Especially considering how everyone keeps forgetting to use the word “step” no matter how much we remind them. But that’s a problem for my future self, if he’s still around.
I want to kiss him, though. Kissing Micah has become something that my body yearns for all the time, like a flower turning toward the sun. It’s probably pathetic, but it’s also so all-consuming that I don’t care. I just want more. Letting him look at me and touch me the way that he does feels like being warm for the first time in my life, and I’ll be damned if I let anything get in the way of that. Even my own fucked-up brain.
This is what I’m thinking about when Micah starts the engine to head home, and I blame the distraction for why it takes a minute for the words to land.
“I know I promised to let you think about the meds,” he says, instantly making all the muscles in my body tense. “I am. I swear. But it got me thinking about something else.”
What am I supposed to say to that? Micah’s gaze flits nervously to me for a second, then back to the road, before he continues.
“You keep talking about how you can’t put your name in any records, and you have to lay low. That’s what this is all about, right? Because Sir Shithead told you the Aryans have a bounty on your head or whatever.”
The barely-restrained disdain Micah always has when he talks about Father fills me with a weird sort of warmth.
“Yeah, exactly. They could show up anytime. They won’t quit until they find me, is what Father said.”
Micah drums his nimble fingers on the steering wheel, chewing on the inside of his cheek for a minute while he works himself up to saying whatever he wants to say.
“Are you sure he was telling you the truth?”
I swear I bluescreen on the world for a second, because nothing he just said makes sense.
“Why the fuck would he lie about that, Bambi?”
I can’t hide the irritation in my voice, but it rolls off of him. He’s never been truly scared of me a day in his life, and I’m sure I’m even less intimidating now that he knows how to make me cry and beg like a little sissy for an orgasm. I don’t actually want him to be scared of me, obviously, but it is annoying when that’s the only way I have of getting people to do things and he’s fucking immune.
Micah sighs. “Maybe he didn’t lie. Maybe he thinks it’s the truth, and he’s just wrong. Or maybe he did lie because he wants to keep you in hiding. I don’t know. I can’t help but think about it, though, and no matter how I look at it, it doesn’t make any sense. The Aryans and the Banna being at war—sure. But you specifically? Hunting you down and making you pay for what? Surviving their assassination attempt? You didn’t even testify, which is what started this whole thing, right? But then he also said it wasn’t about that; they wanted you before. This whole thing smells like bullshit.”
I’m blinking and mindlessly nodding along, because for a few stuttering moments, the words don’t land. They’re floating around me, too intangible to take root.
The only thing I find less believable than Father lying to me is the idea that he just… Got it wrong? That doesn’t happen. He has too many eyes on the world. He always knows the play. Something like this couldn’t slip past someone like him.
I’m startled by warm flesh on my flesh when Micah takes my hand in his. He’s still looking at the road, but the concern on his face is obvious now.
“I’m just saying, if they really wanted you that badly, don’t you think they would have come for you by now? This is a small town. I know I’m not on the inside, but I’ve been around the Banna enough to know how things work. It’s not paperwork that leads them to you; it’s fucking word of mouth. You can change your name and hide out at the bar, but everyone in Possum Hollow knows who you are by now and there’s no way that information hasn’t made its way back to the Brotherhood. They have just as much of a foothold here as your father does.”
I blink again, my thoughts drifting and too hazy to pluck out any individual ones.
“Why would he lie?”
Then Micah does turn to look at me for a few seconds, his mouth downturned.
“I don’t know, doll. But I think we have to find out.”
The rest of the ride back home is quiet, weighed down with the revelation that Micah just cracked open inside me. I can’t stop thinking about it. Whether he lied to me or made a mistake. What he has to gain by keeping me on the sidelines, even if it’s what I wanted anyway.
I’ve been so blinded by the distraction of this illusion of freedom, I forgot to look for all the strings that must be attached.And now not only is Father calling me back to work, but I have to figure out what pound of flesh he really wants from me.
It’s too much mindfuckery to not be covering up something more sinister. But I’m used to everything he does being sinister, so I never looked more closely.
Idiot. If that man finally kills me just when I’ve found Micah… I won’t let it happen. I know I promised Micah no more killing, even though it was always going to be a lie. But now I’m even more convinced. I’ll kill whoever I need to if it carves me and Micah a path to freedom and away from all this bullshit.
