The words spill out of my mouth before I have the chance to think them through. I mean them, though.
Tadhg is breathing hard, still jerking himself roughly. His eyes are wide, and he’s writhing but there’s also an uncertainty to his expression that I don’t like. I put my hands on his thighs, tracing the muscles there in little patterns with my fingernails and trying to control the pulsing arousal that’s building in me at how fucking hot this is.
“That’s it, doll,” I whisper, because his hand is moving faster and I think he must be close to coming.
But then that uncertain expression becomes closer to panicked. His gaze leaves mine, and I hear him mutter, “No, no, no, no,” under his breath.
Before I can say anything, Tadhg shifts to lean up a little, and his movements get even faster. Too fast, and his grip is so hardit seems like it must hurt. I’m looking at it, which is when it hits me what’s happening.
His cock is soft in his hand, and he’s tugging at himself frantically, as if he’s trying to summon back the wilted erection with sheer willpower and friction. But his clenched fist looks too tight, and the expression on his face is so fucking far from the pleasured one I saw just a minute ago.
“Tadhg, stop,” I say, leaning forward to grab his wrist. “Stop, stop, stop, you’ll hurt yourself.”
I’m babbling, but he’s barely paying attention to me. He seems to have sunk into a half-panicked place in his mind. Gently, I pull at his wrist until he lets himself go, and then I climb into his lap and take his face in my hands until he’s looking at me.
He’s breathing heavily, looking at me with wide eyes. It’s a totally disproportionate amount of panic for something that’s happened to every guy at some point in their life, but I feel like I can see the bigger picture here.
When you have so much panic being penned in by such thin, shaky walls for so long, it only takes the smallest cracks to let it all gush out.
“Shhh. It’s okay.” I repeat myself for a minute while he catches his breath, and then I capture his mouth in a kiss to distract him even more.
He kisses me back with so much fervor it’s like he’s trying to climb inside of me. I only break the kiss once I can feel him settle beneath me. I can also feel a hint of his erection returning and putting pressure on the underside of my thigh, but we’re not paying attention to that right now.
“What happened?”
He shakes his head, not looking at me.
“Did you not want to do it?” I can’t stop myself from tracing his bottom lip with my thumb as I ask him. I need the truth, but Ireally hope the answer isn’t that I’ve already pushed him too far when that’s the last thing I wanted to do.
“No,” he says, his voice rough. “I wanted to. Really. It just happens sometimes.” His eyes dart to meet mine, and then he glances down again. “A lot. It happens a lot,” he says in a hushed tone.
“Oh.” I can’t think of anything else to say while I absorb that information. “Do you want to stop?”
He immediately shakes his head and then kisses me again with the same frenetic desperation as before.
I pull back, though, because we’re getting off-track. I can’t help but smile a little as I do. “Okay, okay, I get the picture. We’ll keep going, but promise you’ll tell me if you want to stop, okay? I won’t be mad.”
Tadhg nods, looking at me with the same mixture of hunger and apprehension in his eyes as before. “I just can’t always… I can’t?—”
“Shh,” I interrupt, wiggling a little on his lap for emphasis. “Look, I know you’re used to beingthe manor whatever heteronormative bullshit, but you don’t actually have to be a big swinging dick to have a good time in bed. There are lots of things people can do, regardless of what junk they have and how it works. And I think that you”—I slide back off his lap and push him until he’s lying down again, with me kneeling between his legs, still fully clothed while he’s naked and needy underneath me—“are secretly dying for the chance to be someone’s little pillow princess.”
Tadhg’s eyebrows raise, but he doesn’t say anything. He lets me keep talking, shivering and arching his back as I run my fingernails down his sides as I do.
“So why don’t we try that for a while. And let your poor dick have some rest.”
“What do you mean?” He asks like he doesn’t want to know the answer.
“Do you trust me?”
He nods, and it’s the most sure I’ve seen him look about anything in a while.
“Then lie back, relax, and let me take care of everything, doll. All you have to do is tell me if you hate it, and I’ll stop. Otherwise, feel free to react however you want. Personally, I hope you’re a screamer.”
Even in the low light, I can see the blush that crawls up his chest and neck, all the way to his hairline, and it does a lot toward bringing back my own hard-on that flagged while we were talking.
I smile at him briefly, because how could I not? He’s such a good boy, and he doesn’t even know it.
Well, I guess it’s time for him to find out.
