“S-sorry. I spaced out.” I lick my lips. “What did you say?”
“Do you want milk or sugar in your coffee?”
I shake my head, hoping to knock some sense into it. “No thanks. Just black.”
She pours two cups of coffee then sits across from me.
I inhale, relishing the scent of the warm liquid, and bring the mug to my mouth. “Thank you so much.”
“It’s just coffee. And I’m the one who should be thanking you. For the croissants and, more importantly, for watching Santi. You’re a lifesaver.”
“I love spending time with him, so you’re more than welcome.” More than that, being in his presence, inherpresence, is saving my life. I don’t tell Ines that, but I don’t know I could survive the grief and my guilt without them.
“He didn’t cause you any trouble?”
I take another sip and shake my head.
“And he agreed to eat soup?”
The look I give her is half wince, half grin. “Not exactly, but a little bribing did the trick.”
With a chuckle, she brings her croissant to her mouth and takes a bite. “Oh my God,” she moans. “This really is heavenly.”
I follow her lead and take a bite, and damn, is she right. The combination of flavors is unique but incredible. “Looks like the barista was right.”
When we’ve finished our croissants, I sit back and take a long sip of coffee.
Ines does the same. “What did you bribe Santi with?”
“A croissant. Once he realized I’d brought a chocolate one for him, he dove right into the soup.”
“Can’t say I blame you,” she says. “Sometimes, bribing him is the only way to get him to eat vegetables. Or take a bath.”
“He didn’t want to nap, but I think that’s my fault. He was still wound up from playing and all the sugar.” Head lowered, I drag my finger over the tabletop. “We read a couple of books, and thatfinally did the trick.”
“You still managed to get him to sleep. I’d call that a win.” She pats my hand and clears her throat, her expression turning cautious. “How are you? And please be honest.”
I shrug. “I’m okay. Some days, it’s hard to get out of bed. Others, I feel like I’m getting back on track.” I set my empty mug on the table. “Visiting you two is the highlight of my week. You always make my days brighter. Being around Santi makes me feel close to Owen. It keeps me from losing myself to my grief…” My chest tightens, making it hard to get the last words out. “To my guilt.”
“Hade, it wasn’t your fault,” she urges. “None of it was your fault.”
I don’t reply. I don’t want to argue with her. Owen had changed. I knew that. He said things that concerned me, about his life as a new dad. I saw him drifting away from Ines too. I asked, of course, many times, but I should have tried harder. I was too preoccupied with my obligations to Sabotage. I knew he was struggling, but I thought I’d have more time to help him.
“Are you seeing a therapist?” she asks, bringing me back to reality. “I started a month ago, and it’s helping me a lot.”
I clear my throat, sit straighter. “Yeah, I am. Don’t worry about me.”
Her dark brown eyes are watchful, concerned. She can tell I’m lying.
Rather than call me out on it, she shakes her head and takes our mugs to the sink.
Santi fusses, so I quickly say goodbye and head home. The relief I normally get out of visiting has dimmed after my conversation with Ines.
As I’m turning the key in the ignition, my phone buzzes. I take it out of my pocket and answer without checking the caller ID.
“Hey, man!” TJ’s voice is loud in my ear. I met him not long after I moved to New York. He owns three bars and a club I used to frequent. “It’s been a while.”
While I should be happy to hear from him, I honestly don’t feel much of anything. “Hey. It has. How are you?”
