With that, he’s gone, leaving me utterly confused.
The ten-year-oldswho make up my last class of the day make my heart sing as they rehearseThe Sleeping Beautywaltz. The girls glide across the floor, their arms rounded, their feet pointed, just like I’ve taught them. They move a little too quickly during some of the transitions, but their timing is getting better. Elena catches my eye, and I smile. She reminds me a lot of Story. She’s talented, and if she wanted to dance professionally, she would have a successful career.
All through the hour-long class, I vacillate between being focused on the girls and spiraling internally. It’s nearly impossible to banish Hayden from my mind. He looked alive during our little conversation, genuinely engaged and earnest. I didn’t notice a sliver of the pretense I’ve seen so often from him lately.
His proposal to screen my possible dates is ridiculous, but what do I have to lose? If coming out with us could help get him on the path to healing, then it’s worth being part of his weird social experiment. If it means him finding happiness again, I can deal with the confusion his presence always causes. If I’ll get to see his genuine smile again, then why not?
Once I’m donewith classes for the day, I join Nastya across the street at our favorite lunch spot, Dana’s Table.
“I just want to confirm I’ve got it right,” Nastya says, her tone fullof disbelief. “Hayden wants to go out with us so he can…filter out potentially bad dates?”
I nod, keeping my attention on my salad.
“And you didn’t laugh in his face?”
Finally, I peer up at her. “I actually did. He didn’t care.”
“It doesn’t make any sense.” She shakes her head. “But what makes even less sense is that you look like you’re considering it.”
With a sigh, I set my fork on the plate. “Because I am,” I admit. “He looked so much better today than he did last night. And if coming out with us helps him feel like himself again, I can’t say no, no matter how weird the suggestion is.”
She snorts. “You are so delusional, you know that? Ry, it’s not weird—it’s dangerous.”
My stomach sinks. “Why?”
“Hello? Because you’re into him. If he’s there, no other guy will have a chance.”
As I think through a response, I pat my lips with a napkin. Then, I take a deep breath and meet her gaze. “What if you’re wrong? What if it’s exactly what I need in order to let go of my stupid fantasies? I’ll flirt with other guys, and he won’t care one bit. It’ll be concrete proof he has no interest in me. A reminder he’ll never look at me that way.”
“We have a saying in Russian:klin klinom vyshibayut. Basically, it means ‘fight fire with fire.’ But I don’t think it’ll work the way you think.”
I open my mouth to argue with her, but she raises her hand and goes on.
“I’ll respect whatever decision you make. Only you can decide what’s best for you. If you think it’s a good idea, invite him. I’ll be nice.”
Ridiculously, I break into a grin.
“Let me amend that. I willtryto be nice. But no promises.”
“I wouldn’t expect anything less from you.” Warmth spreads over my skin, filling me with happiness. I’m blessed to have a friend like her, even on days when she’s ready to bite my head off.
When we part ways, I head toward thesubway, taking in my surroundings. The city buzzes around me, the sounds of cars, conversations, and faint music a familiar soundtrack. The lively atmosphere makes me lift my head higher and keep my back straighter. Even my steps are faster, more rhythmic, so when I pull out my phone to send a quick text to Hayden, it feels like I’m doing it in slow motion.
Me:
Hi again. Talked to Nastya. You can come Friday. I’ll send you the details later.
I hesitate for a second then type another message.
Me:
The first round of drinks is on you, and if you scare anyone off, I’ll make you do pliés for my socials.
I hit send before I can change my mind, and then I pocket my phone and smile into the sun.
7
why are you smiling though?
