Emerald eyes glassy, he opens his mouth then closes it again, as if he’s at a loss for words.
With a shake of my head, I grab the doorknob. “You said you were worried you’d ruin everything. Well, congratulations. You did it without even giving us a shot.”
Before he can respond, I slip inside my room and close the door in his face. With my heart galloping and my hands clammy, I lean back against the door. For so many years, I’ve pined for him, loving him from afar, hoping for something. That only magnified after we first slept together, then again when I found out I was pregnant.
But not anymore.
I’m done with the crumbs of affection he tosses me, with the way he pulls me in, only to push me away again. I’m tired of waiting while he stands on the sidelines, debating whether I’m worth it.
It’s on him to figure out how to be part of our baby’s life.
I’m choosing myself, just like I chose myself over ballet.
Because even my love for him is not a good enough reason to destroy myself.
36
ready to see your baby?
HAYDEN
The penthouse is so quiet,but the silence is louder than any door slam. Without her, this place is hollow, lifeless. I glance at the bouquet on the kitchen counter. Forget-me-nots. They’re wilting, stems bending, petals shriveling. Just like us. I should throw them away, but that feels like erasing the last piece of her.
When I got home after recording the podcast with the guys, Riley was still here, but she wasn’t alone. Nastya was helping her pack, the two of them blasting Taylor Swift. The only greeting I got from Nastya was the stink eye. I guarantee she would’ve stabbed me if she thought she could get away with it. I think I would’ve let her.
I deserve it.
I ruined everything.
I’m a coward, just like Riley said.
With a deep breath, I force myself off the stool I sank onto when Riley left two hours ago. She wouldn’t even let me call Wyatt to drive her. She wanted nothing to do with me, and it hurt like a bitch. I don’t have anyone to blame except myself.
I slump onto the couch, dig my phone from my pocket, and call Piper. I saved her for last because I knew it would be the hardest call to make. The talks with my parents and Hunter went well. They didn’t sing my praises, but at least they know, and they know I fucked uptoo. Now, it’s time to finally be one hundred percent honest with my best friend…if she’ll even talk to me.
She was like a mom to Riley when they were growing up. She’s only five years older, but with how busy their mom was, Pip was often the one to look after her little sister. That meant I spent a lot of time with her too. Piper trusted me with Riley, and I hurt her.
“Wasn’t sure you’d have the guts to call me,” Piper says when she finally picks up. Her expression is drawn, sad. Based on the view behind her, she’s in her backyard.
“I wasn’t sure either.”
“You’re my best friend.” She sighs. “There were days when you were the sole reason I kept going. You’re my family, and I love you.” Looking away, she presses her wobbling lips together. “But you hurt Riley… You hurt my little sister.” There are tears streaming down her face. “I don’t even know how to look at you right now.”
I swallow the bile working its way up my esophagus, and a bitter taste fills my mouth. “I don’t know how to look at myself right now either.” I grind the heel of my hand into my eye. “All I see is her, in every fucking corner of this place. I hear her voice in every room. Without her, my penthouse is empty, dark and fucking gloomy.”
“I talked to her,” she mutters. “She told me about how the two of you ended up in this situation. She said there are things you don’t talk to me about. About Owen and his death. She refused to give me details, because no matter what you did, she didn’t want to betray your trust.” She sniffles. “So, for the love of God, fucking talk to me, Hade.”
A little flicker of hope settles in my stomach. No matter what happened, Riley chose to keep my secrets. She’s too good for me.
Chest aching, I slide onto the floor, my back against the couch, and start talking. Though it terrifies me to do it, I tell Piper everything.
By the time night falls,the silence is unbearable. My home even smells like Riley. Every shadow whispers her name. I lie in bed, staring at the ceiling for what feels like hours. Sleep doesn’t come.
At two, I get dressed, grab my keys, and drive. Not aimlessly this time—I know exactly who I want to talk to.
The cemetery is quiet. Peaceful, really. But the closer I get, the tighter my chest feels. It’s hard to breathe, and I’m covered in a cold sweat by the time I stop in front of Owen’s headstone.
My best friend.
