“What the fuck?” I exclaim when Felix slides the puck to me rather than Veikko, who’s way closer to him and has more open ice in front of him to work with.
Felix and Veikko have been acting odd around each other lately. Ever since that party Carmen came to, when Felix pulled Veikko into the middle of the living room and got him to dance. I don’t know what it’s about, but I didn’t expect them to carry that energy onto the ice. Veikko is tense and awkward every time the play brings us close to Felix in the net, which is a big reason this team’s scored three goals on us.
I scramble to make it to the puck in time as a Dartmouth player races to intercept it. Passing to me instead of Veikko was a baffling move. That’s how much he doesn’t want to interact with Veikko right now, even though they’ve been best friends for months.
I’m too slow. The Dartmouth player sweeps the puck into his stick a fraction of a second before I get there. By the time my eyes find the puck again, it’s sailing through the air. This time, Felix doesn’t manage to grab it.
4-1.
That’s the score on the board when the game clock expires. The Dartmouth crowd roars with approval while we hang our heads.
As team captain, I know that I need to address what’s going on between Felix and Veikko. But I don’t know how. When I try to talk to either of them one-on-one, they stubbornly deny that there’s any issue between them. I could demand that the three of us have a sit-down to mediate their problems, for the team’s sake, but that feels too heavy-handed. Besides, that might just make things worse.
Felix and Veikko get changed on far opposite sides of the locker room. They keep their heads turned away from the other’s direction. Veikko especially radiates a cagey, avoidant energy.
“What the fuck is going on between them?” Sebastian whispers to me, walking over right after Coach chews us out and storms off in a justified rage.
The rest of the players have gravitated toward the middle of the locker room, leaving the two seemingly-former best friends to stew on their own opposite sides.
“Do you think it’s over a girl?” Kiran proposes, keeping his voice low as well.
A pensive sound rumbles in my throat. “I don’tthinkthat’s it, but who knows …”
“It doesn’t sound right to me, either,” Cater says, stepping into our conversation circle, “but what else could make two guys suddenly turn on each other like this?”
Veikko stalks to the shower and turns on the water, dipping his thick, black head of hair under the high-pressure stream. Hekeeps himself turned toward the water—until Felix walks past his stall, and Veikko turns around, like he could sense him there.
Their eyes lock, and tension blasts through the air.
Every pair of eyes in the locker room points at them. Their exchange of looks can’t last longer than two seconds, but it feels like hours. Soon, a blush floods into Veikko’s cheeks, and he tears his head away, turning back into the water. Felix seems to push out a scoff before stepping into the furthest stall away from the Finn.
I frown, shaking my head. “I don’t know what the hell’s going on between those two, but I do know one thing.”
“What’s that?” Sebastian asks.
“If they don’t get it together, we’re not even making it to the Frozen Four this year.”
The gamewe just played was a disaster. Two of our most valuable teammates, and two of my best friends, are at each other’s throats for reasons none of us can even guess at. The season after we finally brought home the college championship, Sebastian’s final season as a Black Bear, is at risk of crashing and burning in a way that could set our whole program back years.
It shouldn’t be easy for my brain to switch to an entirely different track of thought.
But as soon as I drop into my seat on the bus that’s taking us back to Brumehill, hockey evaporates from my mind.
There’s only one thing that fills the void: Carmen.
It’s a miracle I was able to think about anything but her proposal even while I was out on the ice.
Not a relationship.
Those words are an incessant rattle in the back of my mind every time I think about what I agreed to.
After hanging onto my virginity for this long, passing up opportunities to lose it because I wanted my first time to mean something … is this really how I want it to happen?
But Carmen feels right, no matter the circumstances. Carmen’s never felt anything but right, in a way that no one but her ever has.
Even if she never wants more than this purely physical arrangement, I’ll be able to accept that. If I have my first time with her and it doesn’t go anywhere beyond that, I’m confident that I’ll still be able to look back on my first time and feel good about it.
But I wasn’t discouraged even when Carmen wanted nothing to do with me for months. When she would barely spare me a couple begrudging words when I’d order from her at the café.
