“It’s the first time my male and female main characters get physical with each other. I want the scene to have a lot of charged sexual energy, and I’m struggling putting it into words.”
Heat crawls all over me in a flash. Just hearing Carmen say the wordsexualhas pressure swelling in my groin.
“Oh,” I answer. I’m instantly embarrassed at the choked sound that comes out of my mouth.
Carmen looks at me. An amused grin curls on her lips. “Jamie, you’re beet red.”
I swallow. “Must be the fire. You know … because it’s hot.”
The grin disappears from her face. She sighs, sinking lower into her seat. “Writing two people succumbing to unbearable erotic tension is harder than I thought. No pun intended.”
My cheeks burn. The pressure between my legs turns tight and hot. I readjust to keep the bar of my growing erection from showing in my pants.
A very entertained-looking smile reappears on Carmen’s face when she turns to me.
“Jamie, you can’t get this embarrassed when I mention sex.”
I can feel myself proving her wrong as my cheeks grow warmer.
Carmen laughs. It doesn’t sound any less sweet even if it is at my expense. “Geez. With the way your face is turning into a tomato, you’d think you’re a virgin or something.”
The warmth and color quickly seep out of my face. My stomach makes an unpleasant movement.
Do I deny it? I wouldn’t even have to lie outright. It would be the easiest thing in the world to just laugh it off, acting like Carmen’s statement is ridiculous without actually commenting.
But I don’t want any dishonesty to be mixed in the foundation of any relationship that might develop between us. Definitely not outright lies, but not lies by omission, either.
So, I stay quiet. I don’t deny it, and I don’t play it off. A long beat of silence stretches. Carmen’s smile drops. Awareness flashes in her eyes.
Her eyebrows pull together. “You are?”
A sinking feeling digs into my chest. The idea of Carmen losing interest because she judges me for being a virgin … I hate the thought. But I hate the thought of lying to her even more.
Besides, I’m not embarrassed by the fact that I want to save my first time for someone I feel a real connection with. If that’s an issue for her … well, it was never going to work out in the first place, then.
I nod and shrug at the same time.
“Really?” she asks.
“Really.” Another beat of silence. “You think it’s weird.”
She shakes her head quickly at the statement. “No, I don’t. Seriously. It’s just … unexpected.”
Some of the stiffness in my shoulders goes away. She might be lying about not thinking it’s weird, but if so, at least she’s bothering to lie. At least she’s not looking at me like I have two heads, like she’s judging me.
“Does it ever bother you, living with guys who are such man-whores? Like a vegetarian living with people who only eat meat every meal?”
Her analogy makes me laugh. “No, it doesn’t bother me at all. Casual hookups aren’t what I’m looking for, so seeing other people indulge doesn’t have any effect on me. It’s more like seeing someone else eating a food you don’t like. It doesn’t make you hungry, does it?”
Carmen nods. “Yeah. That makes sense.”
“The only thing that makes me feel … I guess enviousisthe word, is seeing Sebastian and Harper. Seeing how happy they are together.That’swhat I want.”
“Mhm,” Carmen hums. She’s turned her face to the fire, and I can’t quite read the look on it in the glow of the flames. “So you don’t feel like you’re missing out?”
“Not really.” But then I run my tongue thoughtfully against the crease of my lips. “Although …”
“Although, what?” Carmen asks, turning to me with interest.
