It was that he didn’t even think to consult with me, like I wasn’t a partner in his eyes, but rather just an accessory.
“You did move, though,” Shane said, his expression somber now. “Not long after the trial.”
“I did,” I answered carefully. “And again, when Nathan and I got married. How did you—”
“Hey, Coach!”
We both turned to the source of the greeting, and when Shane waved at the group of Tarpons fans who had recognized him, they were overjoyed. Suddenly, the people who had been oblivious to who he was in our near vicinity were paying closer attention, narrowing their gaze in question, some hopping on their phone. I wondered if they were googling to figure out who he was, if they didn’t already know.
And I felt suddenly, acutely visible.
A familiar prickle of unease crept up my spine. I imagined a photo snapped at the wrong angle, a caption taken out of context, Nathan scrolling past it later, his rage boiling until it overflowed right onto me.
I forced my shoulders to relax, but I was anything but calm inside.It’ll be fine,I told myself.I’ll just say we ran into each other. I was out running errands. Oh, why was I drinking a Bloody Mary? Well… I… they were free, actually. Yeah. There was a new bar opening and—
The fact that I was already making up stories for an argument that hadn’t happened yet had thatthis is wrongfeeling lurching back to life.
“What do you say we walk a little?” Shane asked, shifting closer, his voice low.
Relief washed through me, quick and telling.
I nodded. “Sounds perfect.”
We did a lap around all the shops, Shane stopping to tell me a little about each of the restaurants as we did. Once I’d finished my drink, he insisted we stop for a cone from Jeni’s Ice Creams, and then we were on to our third form of transportation: rented bicycles.
It was just what I needed, that break from talking and being close to Shane. I rode in happy silence behind him, smiling at the sun reflecting off the water as we cruised Bayshore. Every now and then, Shane would pull to the side, stopping to point at something off in the distance and explain it to me.
He really had taken on the role as tour guide, and it made me think of when we’d walked around Boston that first summer we were a couple — how we’d watched the sailboats in the harbor, our days lost in the North End devouring the best Italian food the city had to offer, the nights we’d played tourist and followed the historical paths, reading about the men and women who’d helped found our country.
My chest ached fiercely with the memories by the time we parked our bikes in Hyde Park. There was an energetic market going on, white tents sprawled as far as the eye could see between the strips of shops on either side of the street.
And as if he didn’t even have to think before he did it, Shane grabbed my hand.
Time slugged again as his palm slid into mine, his fingers curling around me with ease. Heat zapped from that point of contact, a warning sign or an invitation, I couldn’t be sure.
We took only a few steps before I yanked away, tucking my hair behind my ear before I folded my arms tightly across my chest.
Shane frowned at the rejection, but quickly smiled and shook his head like he’d forgotten a cup on top of his car before driving off. “Sorry. I… I guess I…”
Instead of finishing the thought, he shoved his hands in his pockets and nodded his chin toward the market.
“I hope I didn’t upset you,” Shane said after we perused the first two tents in silence.
My throat was tight as I answered, “You didn’t. It’s just that I—”
“Am married,” he finished for me, our eyes locking as we came to a stop in the crowd. “I know. It was… I don’t know what I was thinking. I guess it just kind of felt…”
He swallowed, again shaking his head like he was an idiot unable to explain himself.
I couldn’t help the smile that spread on my lips, even as my stomach tightened painfully. “I understand,” I said softly.
And I did.
It felt natural, even after all this time, after all the pain and loss. I felt it, too.
“It’s just nostalgia,” I said, and even as I said it, I wondered if I believed the truth of those words. “We’re old now. Easy to want to go back to a time when our knees didn’t ache.”
Shane barked out a laugh at that. “God, it’s been a while for me on that front. I take aspirin like candy since my injury.”
