He sucks in a breath before slowly expelling it from his lungs. His chest rises and falls with the movement. “I’m okay.” He shifts on the seat and his voice dips. “I’m just sorry you had to see that.”
A dull redness creeps over his cheeks and my heart constricts. It kills me that Carter is embarrassed about this.
He falls silent and I can tell by the way he clenches his jaw that he’s getting lost in the turmoil of his thoughts. I squeeze his fingers to pull him back to me. I don’t want him going there. “You have nothing to be embarrassed about.” When he remains silent, I continue. “None of this is your fault.” I chew my lower lip before blurting, “Your dad is a jerk. He’s the one who should be embarrassed.”
“He’s not.” His voice is flat, stripped of emotion. “Hopefully now that the police have intervened, he’ll take the restraining order seriously.” He flicks another glance in my direction. “My mom filed for divorce and he’s not happy about it.”
I nod, having gathered as much from the conversation that ensued after the authorities arrived. It boggles my mind that this is Carter’s reality. An avalanche of guilt nearly buries me alive. I’m no better than the BU masses. I only saw what he wanted me to. I never bothered to dig deeper or question the little things that weren’t adding up.
I clear my throat and croak, “I’m sorry.”
He frowns. “For what?”
The rioting emotion within me struggles to break free. I shake my head, unsure if my feelings can be adequately translated into words. Only now am I realizing how strong Carter is. To deal with a situation like this, you would have to be.
“For not seeing the man you truly are.”
He remains silent for so long that I wonder if he heard me. “I never wanted you to find out about this.”
“Why? Do you think I would have judged you for it?” It hurts thathe would think that. “Maybe I could have done something to help.” What exactly? I don’t know. But I hate the thought of him going through this alone with no one to lean on.
His left hand tightens around the wheel. “Because I was ashamed.”
“Carter…” I fight back the tears that rush to my eyes. I don’t want him to think that I pity him. Somehow, I know he wouldn’t want that.
He glances in the rearview mirror before slowing the Mustang and pulling it to the shoulder of the road. The wheels spit gravel as he cuts the engine. He unsnaps his seatbelt and angles his body toward mine, sliding one hand into my hair.
“I spent all this time pushing you away because I never wanted that kind of ugliness to touch you.” His voice lowers. “All I’ve ever wanted is to protect you, Daisy.” He pauses for a beat. “Even from myself, if need be.”
My heart shatters into a million jagged pieces. “Don’t say that.”
“You deserve so much better than me.” His other hand rises to cradle my cheek. A fierce solemnness flares to life in his eyes. “You have to know that everything I’ve ever said or done was never meant to hurt you. I needed to keep you at a safe distance and that was the only way to do it. I’m sorry for that.” He shakes his head as his lips twist bitterly. “But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t stay away. I ached to be around you.”
“The only thing I need protecting from,” I admit. “Is my own stupidity. I should have seen what was in front of me the entire time.” My gaze clings to his. “I’m the one who doesn’t deserve you. Not the other way around.” I swallow down the rising emotion that threatens to break loose.
“You’re wrong about that but I’m not going to argue.” His lips lift as he tenderly strokes the side of my face. “None of it matters anymore.”
My heart clenches. I don’t want him to push me away again. I don’t think I could stand it. Not anymore. Not knowing everything that I do.
Instead, he says, “Because you’re mine now.”
The breath rushes from my lungs as I sink into his touch. Whenhis lips feather over mine, I open, needing the contact. Needing to reaffirm that this really is happening. That he’s mine and I’m his.
When he pulls away, a determined look fills his eyes. “Let’s get out of here. We’ve got one more thing to take care of before I hustle your sweet ass off to bed.”
Right.
I expel a breath.
Somehow, in the midst of all this, I forgot about my cousin.
33
CARTER
This has been one of the strangest days of my life.
How else do you describe a twelve-hour period where you experience the highest of highs and the lowest of lows?
