Maybe she believes that, but I don’t.
I shake my head. “There isalwaysa choice.” Desperation eats me alive. “And to say otherwise is just a refusal to take responsibility.”
“Oh, Carter…” she whispers.
When she reaches out to touch me, I flinch from the contact. The last thing I want is Daisy’s comfort. I don’t deserve it. Her eyes fill with unshed tears as she retracts her hand, tucking it back around her knees.
“I don’t know how to make this better,” she admits, her voice thick with emotion.
For the first time since she’s taken a seat, I turn my head and meet her eyes.
“There’s nothing you can do. What happened tonight,” I shake my head as disgust crashes through me. “It can’t happen again. I don’t lose control like that.” Bile rises in my throat because I know exactly what can happen when it does.
I rip my gaze from hers and stare into the darkness. This place has always been a balm for me. I’ve always been able to pull myself back together again, but it’s not happening this time.
I’m a mess.
“You arenothinglike your father,” she growls.
But that’s the thing, how different can we be if I was so quick to violence? If I resorted to using my fists without giving it a second thought?
“We’re more alike than I want to believe.” That thought sickens me.
“No, you’re not!” she snarls. “You arenothinglike him! Why can’t you see that?”
This conversation isn’t going anywhere. Daisy doesn’t get it. And she never will. I’ve done everything in my power to be the exact opposite of my father and to realize with one fucking mistake that I’m not, is a real kick in the ass.
The air gets sucked from my lungs and suddenly, I can’t breathe. The one girl I want more than anything, the one who has never been far from my thoughts, is the one person I can’t have. All my emotions hurtle to the surface with her and there is no holding back. Nothing is restrained. Only now do I realize how dangerous that kind of intensity can be.
My relationship with Daisy is only just beginning and look at me.
Look at what I’m capable of.
At what I’ve become.
“I can’t do this.” The words bleed from my lips before I can staunch the flow. Even though they nearly kill me, there’s relief to be found in them. And that’s what I latch onto. “I’m sorry.”
Her eyes widen, and she whispers, “Are you serious?”
“Yeah,” I rasp. “I can’t do this.”
Daisy’s mouth falls open. “Carter, please. Just think about it?—”
“No,” I bite out as I shake my head. “This is the way it has to be. I’m sorry.”
She sucks in a breath. For a moment, it seems like she’ll argue. My body tenses as I wait for the onslaught.
Instead, she snaps her mouth closed and jerks her head into a tight nod. “If that’s what you want.”
What I want?
No. This isn’t what I want at all, but it’s what I need. And I’m smart enough to realize the difference.
“It is.”
39
DAISY
