“So,” he continues, meeting my gaze. “I started to research, and all the studies I went through say there’s still a chance for someone with PCOS to get pregnant one day. I figured you probably won’t take my words as much consolation, so I asked Reid to find the best fertility clinic so that they can tell you themselves.”
I swallow against the tightness in my throat at his admission, but there’s something I want to confirm. “But you don’t want children.”
It’s not a question. Gabriel made it clear many years ago he didn’t want any.
“That’s correct,” he replies slowly.
“So, you want me to know that I can probably have a child one day…” I pause, holding his gaze. “With someone else?”
His eyes darken, nostrils flaring, fists tightening, and lips flattening into a displeased line.
“Absolutely not,” he growls.
I frown in confusion. “Well then…what are you expecting? You hate kids, so you’re out of the equation, but me having one with someone else is also out of the question?” I scoff. “Did you think I could somehow impregnate myself?”
His brows furrow. “I don’t…hate kids.”
I’m caught so off guard that my brows shoot up to my hairline, lips parting. “Yes, you do. Anytime anyone has asked you if you want kids one day, you make a face and say no as quickly as you can,” I argue. “You even dissolved the youth team in Saltwater Springs.”
“I didn’t dissolve it, I just paused it. It’s back up and running right now with Griffin as coach,” he says.
What?
How come no one told me that?
How come he never told me that?
“And,” he continues. “I don’t say no to having kids because I hate them, I say no because I don’t think I’m cut out to be a dad.”
“What are you talking about?” I ask, my appetite ebbing away.
“I like my life the way it is.” He shrugs. “I get to go where I want, when I want, without having to worry about anyone.”
“You worry about me,” I point out.
He’s quiet for a moment, a line forming between his brows, as if I’ve just handed him some big revelation. “That’s different. Plus, you know my dad wasn’t the best guy out there. I don’t have an example to go off of. I’d be completely unprepared to handle a child.”
I force out a laugh and shake my head in disappointment as I look out at the water, trying to string together the words for what I want to say.
“Gabriel, you’d be an amazing dad,” I say softly. “You love taking care of people, not just me. Have you forgotten you’re the reason Griffin, Koa, and Colton have the futures that they have?”
He stays quiet, so I keep going.
“I think you’re just scared of becoming the kind of father that your dad was.” I can tell I’ve hit the nail on the head, his eyes widening slightly. “But you’re going to look back one day and regret that you let that fear stop you from having a family and proving yourself wrong.”
He doesn’t answer for a long while, and just when the silence starts to become unbearable, he speaks.
“Maybe you’re right.”
* “Buon pomeriggio” = Good afternoon.
TWENTY-TWO
GABRIEL | AMALFI COAST
“We’ll take this one too,”I tell the dress shop owner.
“Gabriel,” Zalea hisses, flashing the owner an overly sweet smile before dragging me into a corner of the small shop. “You just told her we’re buying all twelve dresses I tried on. I know you have a bottomless bank account, but these cost way too much for me to even be comfortable wearing in public. What if I spill something on them?”
