“You are. And it’s my duty to protect you.”
“Protect me?” Eliza stood. Blood pounded in her ears. “If I’m in danger, you’d better tell me from what or from whom, because as it stands at this very moment, I’m most afraid ofyou!”
“Do you really want to know the truth?” he asked, walking about like a caged jaguar. “If so, I will tell you as much as I can.” He stalked to the liquor cabinet and knocked back the remains of his whisky,grimacing as he swallowed. “But you must promise you will hear me out.”
“I will listen and try to understand, husband.” She lowered herself back to her seat, her pulse thudding like a timpani.
“You knew of our debt to Eastleigh.”
“You were honest with me concerning that. I hope.”
“Yes. To a point. The truth is, the mortgages and financial pressure Eastleigh exerted became too much for our father. We contrived the fire as a way to receive an insurance payment.” Malcolm squeezed his eyes shut. “I helped him set it. Then things went all wrong.”
The matter-of-fact way he stated the truth ran through her, taking her breath. A vision of the south wing, its windows lit with flames, shot across the back of her eyes. “My God, Malcolm ... to hear you say it!”
“Yes, well, it’s a burden I’ll have to bear for my whole life, isn’t it?” he said. “It wasn’t entirely my doing, but the guilt will ever haunt me.”
Eliza’s mouth went dry. “All this time, you’ve been lying to me.”
Malcolm turned and nodded sadly. “Yes, darling. I have been a liar. From the very moment I first saw you, I’ve been false. I wish the fire were all I had to confess, but as we’re in the process of laying my shame bare, I suppose I’ll go on and tell you the rest. We’ll start at the very beginning. Perhaps you heard talk of a highwayman terrorizing the countryside when you first arrived in Hampshire? Isn’t it queer there’ve been no reports since we married?” He gave a grim smile. “That night you saw me from your window, I wasn’t going on a midnight ride for pleasure. I was going to rob whomever was unlucky enough to meet me on the road. It was the only way I could afford to feed myself or my staff. That’s how desperate I’d become. But I never harmed anyone I robbed, I promise you.”
Eliza remembered their night at the theatre—the jewelry he’d slipped into the clerk’s hand. It hadn’t been an old watch chain meant for pawning. He’d stolen it. She was sure of that now. After all the trustshe’d shown, after she’d defended him to her sister—he’d been lying. Blatantly.I’m always right—Lydia’s words rang through her mind like a schoolyard taunt. She’d been used for her money, under the guise of love, and wedded herself to a thief and an arsonist. This ... this was too much.
“It was my money that drew you to me,” she said with a contemptuous sniff. “I should have known.”
“No, Eliza. It wasn’t your money. Not for me, I swear it.” Malcolm crossed the room and knelt at her feet, reaching for her hand. “I was besotted. I married you because I loved you, Iswearthat much is true!”
Eliza flinched, pulling back as if he were a cobra set to strike. As if he were the serpent from her dream. Angry tears bristled at the corners of her eyes. “You’ll not touch me, husband. Not now.”
“You wanted to know the truth, dammit, and I’m telling you!”
She clenched the arms of the chair, her nails digging into the varnish “The truth! After how many lies? Do you expect me to sit here and nod politely as you confess to highway robbery and an arson that resulted in the deaths of your father and brother? And as you won’t tell me what happened to Beatrice or your mother, how am I to know whether I am looking at their murderer right now? I am terrified of you! Of this house!” She sprung to her feet, sending the chair toppling to the floor.
“I did not kill Beatrice or my mother. How it wounds me to hear you say these things! I would never hurt a woman, Eliza. I swear it!”
There was a knock on the door. “Everything all right, m’lord?”
“Yes, yes, Turner. We’re quite well,” Malcolm called, his eyes glistening as he stood.
Eliza looked at her husband, incredulous. Was he about to cry? Christ. “I cannot fathom this,” she hissed. “Any of it.”
“I thought perhaps with time you’d understand. I thought with what happened to your own brother ...”
Her anger overtook her then. “Don’t you dare, Malcolm! Don’t you dare. It’s entirely different. You were complicit. You are a criminal, guilty of an imprisonable offense!”
He seized her wrist and stood. “Do you know? I am already imprisoned! Every day I’m tortured by what I have done. By what I haveseen. I never wanted to lie to you. It is not in my nature!”
“And how am I ever to trust you again? ‘Don’t lie to me, Eliza, I’m your husband,’” she mocked, pulling free from his grasp. “Weren’t those your words to me, the day after our wedding, about this?” Eliza raked her fingers over the scars on her forearm, a trail of red welts emerging from the path of her nails. “Even though we’ve both our shameful pasts, I was honest with you about mine!”
“I was afraid you’d think me a monster if I told you the truth, and I was right.” He sat heavily, his head in his hands. “I promise you—even though I’ve done horrible things I will regret for the rest of my life, I could never, ever hurt you.”
“But youhavehurt me, Malcolm. You have! You’ve wounded me as mortally as an arrow through the heart ever could.” Her eyes spilled over with hot, angry tears. How dare he put this on her shoulders! Him! With his limpid green eyes brimming and overflowing with tears of his own. He was a liar, with a clever silver tongue. She despised him in this moment. But she hated herself even more for being tricked and taken in by his charm. No more.
He reached for her again, and she pushed him away, running back to her bedchamber. She flung open her armoire and pulled out her valise.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m leaving,” Eliza spat, ripping dresses from their hooks. “I ... I don’t know where I’ll go, but I can’t spend another moment in this miserable house with you and your bloody secrets.”
