“Shut up!” I scream. “Shut up! I don’t want to hear any of your bullshit excuses. You shouldn’t have kept it a secret from me. You should have told me the moment you figured it out! And your apartment? When were you going to tell me that it was ready? Or were you just going to go on playing house until I went back home? Treating this like some fling while leading me to believe it’s something more? What did you plan on doing when I left? I could be out of here in a week, and you were going to just let me go without telling me this?”
He freezes, his eyes going wide. “A week?”
Is that all he can focus on right now? While I’m standing here, falling apart at the seams because he’s not the man I thought he was.
“Get out,” I snap. When I feel Gizmo rub up against my leg, I bend down and pick him up. “Just get the fuck out!
Before Zander can reply, I shove past him and storm to the bedroom, slamming it shut behind me and locking it before I let the tears flow.
Curled up under the blankets on the bed, I’ve been crying for hours, heartbroken and hopeless. I’m pretty sure Zander left,though he spent about fifteen minutes banging on the bedroom door trying to convince me to open up. I ignored him, of course, wanting nothing to do with him while I wallowed in my misery.
He’s tried calling and texting me, but I put my phone on silent and haven’t even looked at his messages.
Part of me wonders if maybe I’m overreacting. Being irrational. Did he actually do something wrong? Something worth ending things over?
No, no, he did. He lied to me, even though I told him not to. He used the vulnerable information I toldGlideControlZto get closer to me. How can I possibly trust him now?
Gizmo has stayed close to me this whole time, occasionally licking at my cheek or fingers, as if to assure me that he’s still here. That he loves me and won’t betray me.
Suddenly, my laptop dings. I sit up and grab it from the nightstand and see that it’s an email from Juliet.
Juliet: Hey, Rylee. Just wanted to let you know that you can have the week of Thanksgiving off. The team article is complete, except for the group shot. Let’s plan on having the individual article ready right after Thanksgiving. Just upload it to the company drive folder, and you’ll be golden.
Ugh, that fucking article is the last thing I want to think about right now. I have it started, so I’m not worried about finishing it, but I’m so angry and hurt right now, I don’t want to think about Zander, let alone write about him.
Tossing my phone aside, I sit up and decide that I can’t deal with this right now. I want to go numb. I don’t want to feel this pain and disappointment anymore.
Climbing out of bed, I make my way out of the room and down the hall to the kitchen. That bottle of vodka is still in the cabinet, and it’s not just calling my name right now.
It’s screaming it.
And I’m more than happy to answer.
Fuck Zander.
Fuckity, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck him.
Fuck his stupid, handsome face. Fuck his charming good boy persona. Fuck his panty-dropping kisses.
He’s a lying asshole!
The half-empty vodka bottle dangling from my hand, I stumble back to the bedroom to find my journal. I need to vent - write out my pain. When I dig the journal out from beneath the bed’s mattress and open it, though, I realize that it’s full.
Fuck!
I toss it to the floor, frustrated. I have empty journals back home, but like an idiot, I didn’t bring any with me.
Screw it… I’ll just type it. I can journal on the computer, that’s fine. I just need to purge my thoughts from my head and lay out all the reasons that Zander is not the guy for me.
Climbing into bed, I set the vodka bottle on the nightstand and grab my laptop. Ugh, my vision is a little blurry… it’s fine, I’ll just squint.
Opening a word doc, I start to type out everything on my mind with furious movements.
Zander Caldwell doesn’t know how to tell the truth. He’s a liar with a pretty face - the guy looks like fucking Thor, okay,we get it! Stop telling him that! It’s only going to his head. Don’t fall for his good boy persona because he’s a sonofabitch just like every other man out there!
Is he an excellent hockey player? Yeah! He is! Does that mean he’s a decent guy? No, not at all. He’ll lull you into a false sense of security by acting like a cute nerd who’s really good at video games and can go on and on about Marvel movie lore. At the end of the day, though, he’s still just a guy doing whatever he can to get into as many girls’ pants as possible…
I continue for a good few pages, unloading everything that pisses my unreasonable drunken mind off about Zander onto the document. It’s cathartic and does make me feel a little better. When I’m done, I move it into my personal save folder, though I have to squint even harder to make sure it’s the right one.
