“Sweetheart, we need to talk.”
I furrow my brow. “About what?”
Shit, is she going to lay into me about the article? I mean, I totally deserve it, but I don’t think I’m mentally prepared for the lecture yet.
“I need to tell you the truth about your family history, and… about your father and me.”
I stare at her, shocked. That… that is not what I expected.
“I… I don’t understand.”
She looks at me and the devastation and fear in her eyes steals my breath away.
“Last night… seeing you like that, drunk and even throwing up… terrified me. There’s something I have to tell you and I need you to listen to me very carefully. I never told you this, but right around the time that I learned I was pregnant with Aiden, was also when I lost my own father, and my only parent, to alcohol poisoning.” She pauses and I feel like my heart is in my throat. I never knew this. She’d never said anything about her dad being an alcoholic before. All I’ve ever known about my grandparents is that they passed away before I was ever born. “My mom left when I was young and my dad struggled with addiction for years. It was awful. I grew up watching my dad choose alcohol over me again and again and again. Numbing his own pain. Slowly killing himself. Giving no thought to what it would mean to me to lose both my parents. I’ve always hated even the thought of alcohol because of that. I knew his alcoholism had a risk of being genetic, but I thought… hoped… that if the temptation wasn’t there, and neither were the struggles, that it could all be avoided. But I was wrong.”
“What does that mean?” I shake my head, feeling immediately defensive. “I don’t have a problem..”
She sighs sadly. “I first realized this with Aiden, and had hoped you were different, but after last night, I’m afraid that I was wrong.”
“Aiden?” I blink, baffled. “What are you talking about? What about Aiden?”
“I saw your brother going down that same path as my father when he was very young, and your father and I did everything we could to ensure it never happened. He was so angry, about everything that happened between your dad and me. We decidedto send him to military school to get him away from any source of pain and give him the proper influence and support we clearly couldn't. I never saw that same pain with you… until last night, and the way you were using alcohol to numb it shook me to my core.”
I swallow and shake my head. I don’t like this… I don’t want to hear about this, but I can’t help my curiosity.
“What does this have to do with you and Dad?” I snap. “What’s the point of all this?”
She holds my gaze before admitting, “When I lost my father, I was pregnant, scared, and alone. You already know some parts of our story and how Aiden was the result of what should have been one night of college fun. Your dad and I didn’t even really know each other. Regardless, your Dad wanted to do the right thing and be with me. Wanted to be a family, and even though I didn’t love him, I didn’t have any other family, nor the financial means to take care of a child on my own, so I agreed and married him. It’s something I never should’ve done.”
I stare at her, stunned. This isn’t what I expected her to say. I always thought… I thought it was Dad who didn’t love her…
“Dad’s the one who left,” I insist sharply. “He’s the one who abandoned us and went back to Ireland. Got a new family… ”
“No, he didn’t abandon you. I just didn’t give him a choice. He deserved so much more, and you deserved two parents who loved each other unconditionally. I wanted to be independent, and I also wanted to find true love. I got one of my wishes.”
I start pacing back and forth, trying to make sense of what she’s telling me.
“He never said a word to me,” I mutter. “He never let on that you were the one who didn’t want to be with him - he always let me believe he just gave up and left. Why? Why wouldn’t he try to tell me the truth?”
I focus back in on Mom, who’s watching me expectantly. She’s nervous, I can tell. Her lips are trembling and she’s clutching her hands together in her lap.
“Because he’s a good man and didn’t want to do anything to put a wedge between us,” she replies, “and I… I was too much of a coward to admit the truth to you.”
Anger explodes inside me. “So you drove Dad off not because he wasn’t the perfect man but because he wasn’t this imaginary true love of yours? Then you tell me never to settle and to find my perfect man. Do you realize how messed up that is? I kept thinking the perfect man is someone who would fight for me the way dad never did.”
Mom presses her lips together and looks torn before she murmurs, “I know, sweetheart, I know. I always told you not to settle because I didn’t want you to settle for less than that kind of love, more than anything else. But last night, when you were crying and rambling to me about how you’ll never find the perfect man the way I want you too, I realized how much I’ve messed it all up. You obviously love Zander and he loves you. I could tell the moment you two walked through my doors on Thanksgiving. It was what I had always searched for, and you found it, my baby girl, and I couldn’t have been prouder.”
Tears fill my eyes and I struggle not to let them fall. She’s saying everything I’ve been too afraid to really admit to, and it’s hitting me hard. I feel raw and exposed. Seen in a way I haven’t felt seen by her in a long time.
But it hurts… it hurts so bad…
“Mom,” I whimper. “I don’t know… I can’t… I don’t understand what you’re trying to tell me.”
“Tell me, Rylee. How exactly did your company get that journal entry?”
I swallow, furrowing my brow in concentration as I think about it. “I don’t know. I… I was drunk. I must have saved it in the wrong folder.”
“Why were you drunk?”
