Returning downstairs with sad eyes, she stopped to give Blitz a quick rub behind the ears.Then she took one of the umbrellas they’d purchased and prepared to abandon him as he’d known she would eventually.
His own damned fault for letting her beat him to it.
God, he was such a fool.He’d meant to keep her at arm’s length, and instead he’d fucked her every chance he got.He winced.It had been more than that and he knew it.Just didn’t want to admit it to himself.Despite what she might think, Ford did care for her.Always had.Morethan that if he were truly honest.
But it didn’t change anything.Even if he’d wanted a partner in life, she was provocative and impulsive and colored outside the lines.They were polar opposites, destined to make each other miserable.
Except… They hadn’t.Not really.
Nat had forced him to loosen up a little.He’d laughed more in the last few weeks than in the previous three years combined.She’d cracked his protective shell and brought extra sunshine into his world.Sure, she might push his buttons, poke at him to elicit a reaction for her own amusement—and often his own good—but anytime they’d decided on a course of action, she’d followed it.She’d been a reliable partner over the last few weeks, and not once had he wanted to flee.
As she strode past him toward the door, he grabbed her arm.“Nat, wait.”
Shaking loose of his hold, she stood before him, chin high, pretty blue eyes oddly dull.“What?”
“Please don’t go like this.”He felt desperate to keep her from leaving alone.Yes, she worked as an undercover journalist, with teammates who clearly trusted her.And—her recent bullet wound notwithstanding—she knew how to take care of herself.Hell, even after getting shot, her first thought had been ensuring her friend’s safety at grave risk to her own life.That wasn’t an impetuous act, it was a selfless one.
Fuuuck.He’d been so unfair to Natalie, refusing to see beyond the labels he’d assigned her four years ago.Refusing to see how good they were together, or consider bending his own rules to truly let her in.
Because he was afraid?Because his precious heart was too soft and fragile to put at risk?
Henri had once told him in the midst of his deepest grief that even a single day with Delphine would have been worth his heartbreak.Ford had thought the older man insane, and redoubled his vow to never set himself up for that kind of suffering.
What an unthinking, selfish ass.Of course Natalie wanted to leave him behind.She couldn’t trust him to treat her as an equal.Only now could he see that between his roles as protector and caregiver, he’d fallen into the trap of thinking she needed him.As if she were a child who’d walk straight into a hole if he weren’t there to catch her.It was a wonder she’d put up with his patronizing shit for so long.
“I’m sorry,” he finally said.“I know you’re good at what you do.You’re strong, smart, and tenacious, and you don’t need me to protect you.But I’d like to help in some way.I have resources that might be useful.In fact, I didn’t get to tell you… I just talked to the person helping Henri.He’s doing well and has been upgraded to stable condition.”
Nat’s expression softened and something shimmered in her eyes.“I’m glad.Thank you for letting me know.I actually miss that old curmudgeon.”
Ford almost smiled.“Me too.”
For a moment he thought she was going to give in, stay.But then her lips firmed and she gave a little head shake.“Please say hi for me when you see him.I’ll be following the Deschamps case.Make sure you get him.”She stepped toward the exit.
We could do it together.“Nat—”
She stopped with her hand on the doorknob, but didn’t turn to look at him.“Goodbye, Ford.”
Without a glance or another word, she tugged open the heavy door and walked out, shutting him inside with an echoingclick.
He stood in the hallway, shivering in his wet clothes, his mind awhirl.He glanced at Blitz, who stood whining at the door.“I’m sorry, Beezey.I fucked up.”
He kicked off his shoes, sending them flying into the wall as memories of the last few weeks crowded his mind…
Natalie flushed and smiling as she jumped into his arms at the old farmhouse.Sleepily teasing him about being a bird nerd until a smile overtook his face.Gorgeous and confident as she strolled next to him at the mall in Marseille.Wild and naked as she straddled him in bed, somehow making him laugh despite the gravity of their situation.Or maybe because of it.
Wasn’t that the very thing he claimed to dislike about her?He shook his head.How long had he been lying to himself?Conjuring excuses to keep his heart safe?
Too long.
“You’re a goddamned fool, Beaumont.”Surely his brother would agree.Connor would never get the chance to find love, and he’d be pissed that Ford had squandered his own.
And Ford did love Natalie.He could see that now.In spite of all the measures he’d taken to avoid falling, she’d not only stolen his heart, she’d also crushed it.
As careless as he’d been with hers, did he deserve any less?His chest ached as if the vital organ had left the building with her, and he bent over, hands on his knees, feeling short of breath.
He couldn’t let her go.
But he had to.
