“You don’t look so good,” he said, squeezing hard enough to make her hand tingle.
“I’m fine.” Except…why did her tongue feel so thick? She tried to yank out of his grasp, but she was suddenly drained of all strength.
The car began to spin like a merry-go-round.
What the hell?
The man smiled again, his face blurred. “Don’t worry.” His deep voice rumbled in her ears as her vision dimmed, and she lost the battle to keep her leaden eyelids open. “I’ve got you.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
TWO HOURS AFTER talking to Emma, Jason was halfway through a long, hot run on the canal trails that snaked through Contra Costa County, trying desperately to outpace his thoughts of her.
Several landmarks along the asphalt path triggered childhood memories, which helped for a few minutes at a time. At the moment, he paralleled the chainlink fence behind the fields of his old high school, and reminisced about all the time he’d spent on the gridiron there, the friends he’d made, the future he never could’ve foreseen as a teenager.
After decades of trying, a few years ago, the school had finally overcome neighborhood opposition to the installation of lights on the football field, and he’d helped support the boosters’ efforts to pay for it. During his entire time playing there, the team had never been able to host its own home games, instead using another school’s field. He’d effectively spent four years playing without the home field advantage, and while the experience had served him well in college football, it hadn’t been great for team morale or school spirit. Not a big deal in the grand scheme of life, but a big deal to a kid.
That version of himself would think him old and be astonished he was still alone. Lonely. Young Jason would’ve assumed he could have any girl he wanted, whateverlifehe wanted. He couldn’t imagine how fucked up his future self would be. Or that he’d forget how to trust his gut the way he did on the football field.
What was his intuition telling him now?
Easy. There was more to Emma’s story, and she deserved the chance to tell it—all of it—before he condemned her.
His reaction to her lies had been a knee-jerk response based on his own history with women, the old insecurities that seemed to hijack his brain. There was a fine line between using someone, andmakinguse of them, but there was a line. The question was: Which side of the line did Emma fall on?
He didn’t honestly believe she’d lied just to hurt him or get revenge. Everything she’d done in Lucerne had been designed to reveal the monstrous deeds of Renfro Warner. And Byron. He didn’t know where the money fit exactly, but if she had the means to steal it from people like that and just wanted to get rich, why not go after less dangerous targets?
Because the money wasn’t the point.
God, all the things he’d said to her, and right on the heels of Natalie’s funeral, when she was grieving. He was an ass of the first order.
Could she ever forgive him?
If she did, what did that mean for their relationship? Could he trust that the deceptions she maintained for her work didn’t preclude her from having an honest relationship with him?
He should be able to. He’d operated under top secret clearance in the Air Force, which meant there was plenty he couldn’t divulge to anyone outside a mission. Was that so different? When Steele operatives used social engineering to test a client’s security, they lied and cajoled and played on people’s trust to infiltrate rooms and computer servers where they didn’t belong, ultimately revealing the human flaw in most security strategies.
How were they any better than Emma?
Steele’s ultimate motive actuallywasmoney, to stay in business, while helping their clients do the same. Not villainous, but not righteous either.
Emma was taking down vile humans who thought they were above the law. He didn’t love her methods, but she’d been in a shitty situation in Lucerne. She couldn’t have asked him directly for the SD card because he’d been there to protect Byron’s—and ultimately Warner’s—interests.
And if Jason hadn’t spotted Natalie and followed her upstairs, he would’ve been none the wiser about the files or Emma’s deception. Maybe she would’ve ghosted him and he’d have assumed she couldn’t get over their rocky history and sadly let her go.
One way or another, he didn’t doubt she’d have found a way to bring down Warner and his empire. And Byron. His family would still be dealing with the fallout, but Jason would have missed out on the joy of being with her again.
After years of trying to work through his issues, he finally believed that he—Jason, not his body or his accomplishments or his job—was worthy of love. If not with Emma, then with someone.
Every muscle tightened in protest and he almost tripped.No.He didn’t want anyone else. He wanted Emma. What he apparently still needed to work on was trust. Not so much of others, but of himself. He had to believe that he was worthy of a lasting relationship. He had to decide that he wouldn’t allow the people who’d hurt or used him in the past to ruin his future.
When Emma had said “I love you,” it had nearly broken him, because the hard, cynical part of him assumed she was being manipulative and threw it back in her face, but he was calmer now, and he could acknowledge that while his inner skeptic had been trying to protect him, it had also been wrong.
What if he decided to lead with trust instead of fear? To assume the best instead of the worst. Especially when it came to Emma.
His body immediately felt lighter.
The stakes were high. He loved her so much that losing her would be more painful than any physical injury he’d endured. But she was worth the risk.
