So, there it was. At least she got it.
“I…” She cleared her throat. “I also can’t imagine my life without you in it anymore.”
Her words gutted him.
“You mean like video chats and text messages and cross-country flights every few months until we both get tired of being alone?” He shook his head. That would be torture. “I’ve seen firsthand how hard that is on a relationship, even when there’s an end date on the separation.” More than a few of his former teammates had been devastated by a breakup or divorce while deployed. “What would be the point if there’s no future in it? That’s not fair to either of us.”
The words left a sour taste in his mouth. Leaving her—whether by going to jail or heading home—was going to hurt like hell. But he had no desire to prolong the eventual pain. Better a clean cut now than a slow bleed into heartbreak.
They both deserved better than a few stolen moments now and then, the loneliness of being emotionally involved with someone who wasn’t physically there.
“I don’t know,” she said, her voice tight with frustration. “I wasn’t thinking about logistics, I was thinking that I—”
Todd’s heart kicked. She what?
She blew out a harsh breath. “Can’t we at least stay friends?”
“No.” He had to push the words past the lump in his throat. “I don’t think I can be friends with you, Lindsey.”
He’d never get over her if their relationship lingered. Once they both got back to their normal lives, the ones in which their paths never crossed, they’d quickly forget the intense high of their time together and move on with a few good memories to offset their awful experience in Montana.
Fucking liar.
Lindsey was silent for a moment. “Well then...” She reached up in the dark and stroked his cheek “We should make the most of the time we have left.”
Later, after Todd had fallen asleep, and Lindsey’s body still buzzed from his intimate touch—the last they’d ever share—she rolled away from him and cried into her pillow.
Her heart lay on the floor, shattered.
The worst part was, she couldn’t fault his logic. Even assuming they didn’t end up in jail—a possibility that seemed highly unlikely without a way to prove they’d been framed—she couldn’t leave LA. Not only were her friends and family there, she had a business to run, clients who counted on her, and her new accountant all set to start in two weeks.
The idea of ever walking away from all that was ridiculous.
But in her heart…
She’d thought that maybe, after everything they’d been through, after the incredible lovemaking they’d shared, that together they might find a way to make the relationship last. That maybe a solution would present itself someday if they were committed to each other.
Or had she just expected Todd to uproot his whole life for her?
That was on her for having unrealistic, selfish expectations, for not thinking things through before opening her mouth. So unlike her.
The worst part was that she believed he really cared about her. How could he not, given his actions? But he was willing to throw away something that, if they were exonerated and given a chance at a new life, could be amazing.
She had no idea how it would ever work between them, but she’d wanted to find out.
Lindsey didn’tneedTodd, but shewantedhim in her life. Any way she could have him, even if she only saw him in person a few times a year. Even if they were just friends who’d fought for their lives together and burned up the sheets—and the shower—once upon a time.
He was the first man in a long time who seemed to like her for exactly who she was, who wasn’t intimidated by her height or strength, who didn’t find her lacking in some way. She knew too well how rare it was to find that kind of a connection with someone.
But now she also knew that it could happen for her, and it gave her hope that when she put the pieces of her heart back together, she might find someone who would handle it with more care.
Except she couldn’t imagine herself wanting anyone besides Todd.
And he wasn’t even willing to be her friend.
She sobbed silently, physically and emotionally exhausted, until she finally found sleep.
When the digital tones of her new phone jolted her awake, daylight filled the bedroom. According to the clock on the screen, it was seven-thirty. She was groggy after a night of fitful sleep, and there was still a hole in her chest where her heart had been before Todd tore it out.
