Only now could she clearly see that being on her own was far preferable to letting that jerk tear down her self-esteem bit by bit. “I’m an analyst by nature, though. I can’t stop going over our time together to figure out where things went wrong. How I misjudged him so badly, why I stayed with him as long as I did.”
“I think the laws of inertia apply to more than physics,” Todd said. “Bad relationships, nightmare employers, toxic family members. For some reason, at least up to a point, it’s easier to stick with them and put up with the pain than to leave.”
Wasn’t that the truth? “I guess the thought of being alone is sometimes scarier than being with the wrong person.” She sighed. “Until a situation gets really bad, it doesn’t feel worth the effort to make a change.”
He made a noise of agreement and they fell silent.
She watched the stars, lulled by the sound of his breathing and a faint rustling of trees, letting the peace settle into her battered soul. “What time is it?”
“Probably about three a.m.”
Still middle of the night. “We should get back in the tent. It’s only going to get colder until the sun rises.”
“It’ll be a tight fit,” Todd said. “Are you sure you’re okay with that?”
“Todd, I’m sitting on your lap right now.”
“Fair point.” He let her go, taking back all his heat and comfort. “You go first, I’ll join you in a minute.”
His boots crunched on the dry leaves as he moved away from their camp into the trees. She removed her shoes in the outer shelter and slid through the zippered opening. Lying on her side, facing the entrance, she strained her eyes to see in the inky darkness as she heard him zip the vestibule shut.
“Where are you?” His voice was maybe a foot away.
“Right here. Trying not to be a hog-em-all.”
He chuckled. “We should put the blanket down first, then open the sleeping bag and use it like a comforter.”
“I didn’t want to get the inside dirty.”
“It’s fine,” he said, his rich voice skimming across her nerves like a lover’s touch as he tugged the bag onto his lap. “I’ll shake it out tomorrow.”
He handed her the blanket, and she folded it in half and spread it over the floor with the fleece side up, crawling around until it was flat under her. “Okay. All ready.”
“Will it hurt too much to lie on your left side?”
“No, that’s my good side.” If she had such a thing right now. She spread out on the fluffy blanket and squished herself as close to the far wall of the tent as possible to give him room.
He knelt and shut the tent flap before carefully stretching out beside her, sandwiched against her back, and slid the puffy bag over them, tucking in the edges around their bodies to trap the heat.
“This okay?” he asked, his intimate voice and full-body contact in the dark triggering all kinds of foolish fantasies.
God, for all she knew, he had a girlfriend. Or a boyfriend. Or both. And she wasn’t looking for either. She had enough going on in her life right now. “Do you have anyone back home who’s going to be mad about this?” she asked, unable to help herself.
“No.” He held himself deathly still. “Are you mad about this?” he asked.
“About Megan and those guys, yes. About you? Never. I’d be dead without you.” She grimaced into the darkness. “I’m just sorry you got dragged into my mess.”
He made a dismissive sound. “I don’t mind being in your mess. In fact, I kind of like it. Keeps me out of my own head.” He paused for a moment, somehow retreating while maintaining full-body contact. “I hope that doesn’t freak you out.”
Not in the way he was thinking. “I think it’s a bit late for that. Besides, if today was a tryout, you’d definitely be my end-of-the-world pick.”
“What’s that?”
Later, she’d blame her nerves for making her babble like a dork. “I have this weird thing I do pretty much anytime I’m in a room with other people—yoga class, a Metro car, the DMV—where I look around and try to decide who’d I’d want to pair up with if the people in that group were Earth’s only survivors.”
“Thatisweird.”
She pushed her shoulder back into him playfully. “Hey.”
