Jeff closed his eyes on a long sigh and remembered Tara covering herself after punching Mars in the throat, fighting off the goon in the parking garage, reading to the little girl on the sideof the freeway, sharing Jeff’s happiness on the beach. Coming apart in his arms, her slick, naked skin warm and soft beneath his hands.Jesus. He nearly shook with the desire to touch her again. “Yeah. I think I am.”
“But?”
“Besides the fact that it’s too soon?”
Dad shook his head and sipped his coffee, his eyes lighting. “I knew I wanted to marry your mom before the end of our second date,and the feeling only grew the longer we were together. Sometimes you just know.”
“Really?” The official story was that Jeff’s parents had met at a mutual friend’s birthday party, talked all evening, and dated for the last two years of college. Then—boom—graduation, marriage, kids, life, death. He’d never heard the details of their early time together. Never thought to ask.
“Before we evenkissed, but your mom…” Dad gave him a rueful smile. “She was either more cautious, or wasn’t so sure about me. I waited three months to hear her say ‘I love you,’ and a lot longer for her to even consider talk of marriage.” His eyes glistened, and Jeff’s jaw tightened painfully against unshed tears. “She was afraid to rush in, make a mistake, but I waited her out and made sure she never doubted myfeelings. She was worth every minute of uncertainty.”
Jeff wanted what his parents had, but he wasn’t some young kid just starting out with no obligations, no worries.
“I can’t risk Evan getting hurt.” He met his dad’s gaze. “Never mind that Tara and I will be in separate cities once I move back to Boulder. If I give this a try and it doesn’t work out,Ican deal with a broken heart”—maybe—“buthim?” Jeff smoothed Evan’s hair. “He’s endured enough already, don’t you think?”
Dad nodded and rolled his lips between his teeth. “Does she love you?”
Good question. “I don’t know.” Jeff barely managed to keep from rubbing his sternum. “Maybe.” Her gorgeous smile filled his mind’s eye. “I think she could if I gave her a chance.”
“And could she love Evan too?”
“She sent him Spider-Mansocks.”
Dad nodded as if his response had actually made sense. “I know you want to protect Evan. You absolutely should. And there’s nothing wrong with being a single parent, but if you have a chance, I think you also owe it to him to experience what a loving family is like. How two people can interact with respect and love, not raised voices and violence. He’s never had that kind of family,and you both deserve it. Don’t you think he wants you to be happy too?”
Jeff tried to process the idea. Could he try it? If he made sure Evan knew he always came first, that Jeff loved him unconditionally, would his son welcome another person into their lives? Would he survive losing Tara if things went south?
“She’ll have to date both of you until Evan feels secure, but he wouldn’t want tobe the reason you never had a serious, loving relationship with someone. If you give up that opportunity to focus all of your attention and energy on him, you’ll suffocate him. And he won’t appreciate it, I promise.” Dad rubbed the graying stubble on his chin. “Nothing is guaranteed. You probably know it better than I do. But losing your mom really brought home that lesson.”
Jeff had to lookaway from the tears in his old man’s eyes.
“It doesn’t seem like it now, but Evan won’t be at home forever. When he goes off to college or gets a job and moves out, what then? If your entire life revolves around him, you’ll have no life or relationships of your own in place when he’s gone. Like I said, there are no guarantees. But you have a chance to spend the next twelve years with both Evanandthe woman you love. It’s not selfish to want to be happy, independently of your children, as long as you consider their welfare.”
Could he choose both Evan and Tara?
“If she’s good to Evan,” Dad continued, “he’ll be glad to have her in his life. If not immediately, eventually.”
Jeff gently stroked his son’s hair as his father’s words swirled in his head. Could Evan grow to love Taraas much as he did? Couldshelove the two of them?
Maybe. He could almost envision them as a family. Possibly even, someday, a growing family. Tara’s belly swollen with their child, dark eyes shining as she held Evan’s hand, the boy nearly as tall as her.
Stop it. Any thoughts of Tara, of the future, had to wait. He had to focus on Evan’s recovery, on doing whatever was necessary to help himheal.
“I’ll think about it.” Later. When Evan was better.
His phone vibrated in his pocket and he whipped it out, heart leaping at the sight of Tara’s name. Until he read the message.
