No news fromJeff yet.
Did that mean nothing had changed, or had he forgotten to text her? She couldn’t blame him if he forgot. She wasn’t part of his life anymore, and none of this was about her.
Feeling antsy, she entered the spotless living room, unplugged her cell phone from its charger, and settled on the couch to search the web for news about hostage situations in North Carolina. Turned out theywere more common than she’d expected. She kept finding stories only to realize they were old. Maybe the local stations and papers didn’t report in the middle of the night. If she had to wait until morning, she was going to be a wreck, but no way was she going to bother Jeff.
Lying back on the plush sectional, she kept trying different combinations of keywords until she found it.
And gasped.
HOSTAGE SITUATION ENDS WITH ONE DEAD
Oh, God. She scrolled frantically through the article.
…gunman killed by SWAT…
Her heart finally restarted.
…unidentified child injured…stable condition…
“Oh, no.”Alive, but still… Tears rolled down her face. She wiped them and stood, kicking off her shoes before pacing back and forth across the pristine white area rug.
Jesus, Jeff had to be goingout of his mind. If she were there, she could—
What? She could do nothing.Jeffwas Evan’s dad.Hewould have to deal with the doctors and nurses and police. The most she could do was fetch coffee and be an unwelcome distraction, a drain on his energy.
If he wanted her there, he’d have let her know.
Maybe not, the treacherous, foolish part of her whispered to her soul. Maybe he didn’t wantto make her choose between him and Robbie. Or maybe he couldn’t admit he needed her. Some men took stoicism to the extreme. Most men, in her experience. Especially those who’d been in the military.
The guys at Steele were a perfect example. The married ones had loosened up a little, especially after having kids, but every one of them could still take a gold medal in hiding his feelings.
Shouldshe text Jeff? Let him know she was thinking of him and Evan?
“Arrrgh.” Why did this have to be so complicated?
What good would texting him do? The last thing he needed was more drama in his life. He didn’t need an ex— Ex-what? Hell, she wasn’t even an ex-girlfriend. They’d had sex a couple of times. End of story.
That didn’t confer any rights to his time or emotions upon her.
Besides,nothing here had changed. Jenna and the baby would be in the hospital for a day or two. Robbie needed someone to stay with him. Tara loved and owed Jenna. And Mick and Robbie.
She loved Jeff too.
And now that he wasn’t standing in front of her, blinding her with his presence, she could admit that he’d probably never love her back.
Up until now, she’d held out hope that she’d find a way tomake things work with Jeff. Hope was practically her trademark. Optimism pumped through her veins. And yet, at this moment, she had none. Jeff was where he needed to be. With Evan. A weekend with Jeff didn’t suddenly make her part of his life.
Maybe tomorrow she’d be able to muster some enthusiasm for a future without him.
Maybe it was time to quit assuming that life would turn out, that shecould push through anything if she just managed to keep smiling. A positive attitude wouldn’t bring back Emily, and it couldn’t make Jeff return her love. Maybe it was time to start assuming that nothing would work out.
Then, she couldn’t be disappointed.
Except…who could live like that?
She closed her eyes. Outside, ocean waves brushed against the shore, the restless sound providing a bitof white noise, blurring with the occasional passing car or siren from the street three floors down. Perfect.
But not enough for her to succumb to sleep.
