Oh, God, what had she done?
“I’m pretty sure,” he finally said, his voice even and low as he met her gaze, blue eyes blazing, “I’ve been clear that I feel something for you.”
She swallowed and the damn tears welled up again. A nod was all she could muster. She knew as well as anybody how much it cost to give away your emotions.
He reached across the dull Formica and held out his hands, palms up. Slowly, she unclenched her fists and laid her hands on his, more grateful than she could say for the contact.
“You think I’m not reeling from this? That I’m not disappointed? I am.” He caressed the sensitive skin of her palms with his thumbs. “There’s a part of me right now that wants to raze this fucking city to the ground just to get at Hollowell and make him pay for what he’s done to both of us, to this country. I’ve dreamed of hiding out in his neighbor’s tree, sighting him through the scope of my Barrett, and watching him fall as I pull the trigger.Worse,” he said, his voice harsh. “I’ve dreamed of much worse.”
Her eyes widened at his confession. Not because he scared her—if he’d planned to kill Duncan in cold blood, he could have easily done it by now—but because he’d never shown any sign of his anger. She thought he’d been letting it all roll off his back somehow.
Scott scowled. “I feeleverything, Valerie. But I couldn’t survive in my house, in juvie, or on the outs in the Marines by wearing my heart on my sleeve. And I’m afraid…” He gripped her hands and broke eye contact, staring at a spot on the counter between them. “If I focus on how you and I have been wronged, if I work myself into a frenzy over every obstacle that blocks our path—”
Abruptly, he released her and retreated, pointing to his chest. “My dad’s blood is pumping inside of me, waiting, just waiting for me to lose control and unleash that fury. I can’t afford to give in to my anger. Not now. Not ever.”
“I’m sorry,” she managed to choke out. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to take it out on you. That was unfair.
“I don’t know if the way you clamp down on your feelings is healthy or not,” she continued, moving toward the end of the counter, “but I admire your composure.” Another step. “I envy your control.” He watched her with a steady, heated gaze as she rounded the breakfast bar and entered the kitchen to stand before him. “Your calm is one of your greatest strengths.” She took a deep breath. “It’s one of the reasons I love you.”
Scott’s heart kicked even as his eyebrows rose and his jaw went slack. Did she just say…?
If he wasn’t so shocked by her declaration, he might have laughed. After all of her button pushing, she had finally gotten him to show some emotion.
Based on her quiet gasp and red cheeks, she’d surprised herself too.
Had she meant it, or was she just using an expression to make a point?
Feeling shaky but invigorated, he placed his hands on either side of her, bracing them on the sharp-edged counter. Her brown eyes sparkled, and he smiled, unable to hold it back. She licked her lips and glanced at his mouth.
Leaning in close, he caught the little catch in her breath as their cheeks brushed and he spoke quietly in her ear. “What are the other reasons?”
A tiny laugh escaped her lips, her soft exhalation sending shivers down his neck as she pushed him away. “Don’t be an ass.”
He straightened and caught her gaze, dropping his grin. Everything that mattered to him suddenly rode on this moment. “Did you mean it?”
The blush spread up her neck and across her face like a wildfire, but she maintained eye contact with a defiant jut of her chin. “Yes.”
All the breath rushed from him and his knees turned weak. He wanted to beg her to say it again. However many times it took for him to believe her.
He clamped his mouth shut.
“I know it’s too soon, and this isn’t real life, and God knows what’s going to happen.” She captured her lower lip between her teeth. “And I don’t expect you to feel the same way—”
Scott cut her off with a gentle kiss, fighting the urge to take it deeper. “Were you not paying attention last night when you were looking at my pictures?” He skimmed his fingers across her cheek and let himself get lost in her gaze. “I was sure I’d given away my secret.”
She gave a small shake of her head and her lips parted enticingly.
“You scare the shit out of me,” he said, his pulse going wild as he shed his defenses layer by layer.
“I do?” She frowned. “Why?”
His short laugh rang of desperation. “Because I’ve built my life around keeping people at bay. My whole career was based on hiding in plain sight. Letting you in makes me feel too…exposed. Like a target in someone else’s scope.” He swallowed hard. “And, like you said, this isn’t real life. If I give you my heart and then you walk away after we win this thing…”
As if he hadn’t already handed over his heart, his soul, and every other part of himself on a platter.
“I was wrong,” she said, laying her palms against his chest, causing his blood to leap in response. “Thisisreal life. It might not be normal, but maybe it’s better.”
“How’s that?”
