My chest constricts, a dull ache that quickly blooms into a breath-stealing pain that pulses with each heartbeat. My tongue feels huge in my mouth, my lips taking on a strange numbness that makes responding impossible.
Issa takes my hand between both of hers. “You can deny it if you want to, but I know better. Jessica knows better. We’d recognize our own anywhere, like we live on the same frequencyor something…” her words drift off, her gaze now on the blanket as she says, “You’re ours now, and we take care of our own.”
I gape at her, truly surprised by her words.
“What Issa is trying to say,” Jessica interjects, her tone amused, “in her typical songwriter fashion, is that you’re not alone anymore, Cassidy. Whatever you wanna do, however you wanna be, we’ll be there with you every step of the way. Good days, bad days; no take backs.”
Much to my horror my eyes immediately start to burn. I inhale sharply, working hard to push the pesky feelings back, but it’s too late. My eyes well, spill over. I hiccup and then cough as the sob I’ve been holding in erupts violently.
Issa doesn’t move, just continues to hold my hand as what feels like years of emotion spill over. It’s painful, this complete annihilation of the walls I’d spent years and years perfecting, now a concrete armor turned to ash.
Time stops. Shifts backward. Starts again.
“Do you feel better?” I blink up at Jessica who’s now standing beside me, holding out a wad of tissues. I take them with a small nod, wiping at my eyes and cheeks before finally blowing my nose. She holds the trash bin in front of me, and I toss the dirty tissues in as she asks, “Wanna talk about it?”
I shake my head and then manage to say through my residual emotional hiccups, “I just want to be perfect.”
“No one is perfect, so get that idea right out of your head.”
“Turns out Ren may as well be,” I mutter, my words coming out whiny.
“I highly doubt that’s true,” Jessica responds with a snort. “But as long as he is to you, that’s all that matters.”
“I think,” Issa says as she slides off the bed, stands beside Jessica. “That if Ren wasn’t going to forgive you, he wouldn’t have called us.”
“Yeah,” Jessica adds. “It’s quite obvious the man wants to help you, so how about you do your part and let it go for now.”
“And you let us do our part, by helping you see the good in you.” Issa holds a hand out to me, and I scowl, annoyed by all the good sense the two of them are speaking. She waves her hand and after a moment I take it, pushing the blankets back and swinging my legs over.
My feet hit the floor just as she tugs and I come to my feet in a rush, then weave slightly.
The room tilts. My stomach flips. And I immediately realize the grave mistake I’ve just made.
I reach for the trash bin Jessica had left right beside the bed, barely managing to get it under my face before the wrenching begins. It’s painful and seems to go on forever even though there’s next to nothing left in my stomach for me to heave up.
Eventually, I sit back on the side of the bed, resting the trash bin on my lap as I try to catch my breath. Noting the silence, I glance around to find Issa and Jessica both watching me with matching looks of horror.
I shrug then laugh. “Did I mention that I’m pregnant?”
24
LOOSE ENDS
REN
Runningdrills after no sleep is always a fun experience.
Running drills while your emotions are completely fucked is a fun experience for only you.
“Fucking back off, Rafferty,” Warren yells, picking himself off the ice after I ran him over—again. Laughing, I skate off, not at all sorry that I’ve made him eat ice several times this session. I mean, at least I’m not trying to stab him while his back is turned in a dark locker room, so he should be grateful.
The whistle sounds and Coach shouts, “Get some water.”
I head toward the boards only to have Coach shout my name from behind me, so I turn back to him. “Since you can’t seem to play fair against him,” Coach states, his glare and pointed finger both directed straight at me. “Then you can play with him.”
“Fuck my life,” I mutter, even more annoyed than I was before. It’s kind of impossible to fuck with someone on your own team. And get away with it.
Too bad for Warren, I’m not looking to get away with anything.
