I don't typically do press things, but every once in a while, I agree to it. Given this was my big 4-0 I figured it was as good a time as any. At least it would give me some time to defend my advanced age and rub the goals I scored in their face.
Of course, knowing that I'm going to be involved just draws more press. Ribbing aside, they know I very rarely answer personal questions and other than confirming the very basics of my marriage to Cassidy, the press had been kept in the dark.
They've got me and Dave up there, a couple of younger guys and Coach cracking jokes, mostly at my expense, when one of the local news channels singles me out for a question. "Ren, are you looking forward to the upcoming playoffs?"
I snatch the mic from Dave who was making like he was going to answer it for me and then I laugh and respond, "Actually, I'm looking forward to it more than usual."
"Oh really, why is that?"
I pause, glance over at Coach and then at Dave. And then I look over at Cassidy, standing in the same spot she's always standing in, though before today I probably didn't even know. Her lips curve up in a small smile and then, looking her right in the eyes, I lift the mic to my mouth and state, "Because this will be my last playoffs."
A hush falls over the room and another reporter shouts, "Are you trying to curse next season there, Ren?"
Chittering of laughter breaks through but then I laugh as I add, "No. Not at all. I just mean this is going to be my last season playing hockey."
Cassidy's eyes widen and one of her hands lifts, presses against her chest. And then she mouths, "What?" And I laugh again, raising one of my hands as everyone starts asking questions at once.
Once the room is silent, I go on, "As far back as I can remember, I have loved hockey. I've spent most of my life living and breathing the sport. Honestly, for most of my adult life, I couldn't even fathom the idea that I could ever love anything more than hockey."
I bring my focus back to Cassidy, now obviously struggling to hold back her own tears. "But what I've learned over the last few months is not only can I love something as much as hockey, but I can love someone so much that hockey doesn't even exist anymore."
I give Cassidy a nod, motioning for her to meet me out back and she disappears, wiping her eyes as she goes. Then, right as people are gearing up to ask a million questions, I state, "And that's all I have to say about that."
I drop the mic on the table, pat Dave on the shoulder as I rise to my seat. I stop over at Coach, hand extended, which he takes with a firm shake.
Then, with a final wave, I walk out and I don't look back.
45
CATHARSIS
CASSIDY
I’m still tryingto wrap my head around the idea of Ren no longer playing hockey. Obviously, I knew at some point he’d age out, but the fact he decided to walk away sooner, without so much as a conversation, was a shock to everyone, him included.
But that’s Ren. Once he makes a decision, he runs with it.
Of course, all of his grand gestures and husband-of-the-year antics has me feeling increasingly guilty about how he ended up stuck with me in the first place. I always thought I would have no issue taking it to the grave with me, but the deeper I’ve gotten in our relationship, the worse I’ve felt about my previous duplicitous dealings.
I’ve been sitting in the chair in our bedroom for what feels like hours, mindlessly flipping through a magazine, but really all I’ve done is coach myself on how I’m going to get out of this still married.
“Out with it, Cass.”
Ren’s statement startles me, so I blink a few times before asking, “What?”
He sighs heavily then responds, “You’ve been staring at me for the last thirty minutes. You’ve sighed at least twice every one of those minutes. So, for the love of it all, just spit it out.”
Grimacing I mutter, “I have a confession.”
“I don’t care,” he deadpans, not one iota of hesitation in his response.
“You’re probably gonna be mad.”
He actually rolls his eyes at me. “Not possible.”
“It’s about our deal.”
“I was right the first time,” he retorts with a low snort. “I don’t care.”
