Julian’s grip around her tightened, and very slowly, with his free hand, he cupped the back of her head and brought her face down to press against his chest. She could hear his steady heartbeat beneath her ear, and it calmed her like nothing else could.
Statler’s embraces always went a long way toward soothing her, but none of them made her want to stay in his protective arms forever. If time stopped right now, Petula knew she’d be right where she wanted to be for the rest of eternity.
A new fear filled her as she acknowledged those unexpected feelings. She stiffened.What if?—?
“Hey,” Julian asked, tipping her face up to his with one finger under her chin. “Where did you go?”
“I…”
Should she be honest?Yes.Julian had been completely open with her, and she felt like she could do no less. “This feels good,” she told him. “Really good. And it surprised me, because other than with Statler—and his crew because I’ve been around them so much—I don’t enjoy most people’s touch.”
“And you’re okay with mine?”
She heard the undercurrent of joy in his voice, and wanted him to know what a big deal this was for her.
“More than okay. There’s something about you that calms me down.”
He smoothed the hair away from her face, and smiled at her with unabashed reverence in his eyes, nodding reassuringly. That’s when Petula knew that she could tell Julian everything, and he wouldn’t turn her away.
“Do you think you can continue?” he asked, practically reading her mind.
“I can.” This time she didn’t look at him, but focused on his shirt, fiddling with a button that was inches from her nose.
“The Bothwin’s were…odd. They took me and Stat in as fosters, but decided almost immediately that they would move for adoption. At the time, my brother and I were still in shock, but Stat, even then, thought it was very strange. In retrospect, we understand now that there was less oversight on an adoption, once completed, than there was on foster care.”
Petula thought back. “Other than Mrs. Bothwin being tepidly welcoming, it didn’t seem like theyreallywanted us there. Or at least, they weren’t even close to being warm with Statler. But being on the cusp of seventeen, he thought they were adoptinghim so they could have me, especially since he was aging out, and wouldn’t be their problem once he reached eighteen.”
“And Bradly Junior?” Julian asked, stroking her hair gently.
“He was only three when we came into the house, and…weird, even then, which is almost unimaginable for someone that young. I remember Statler telling me to watch out for Bradly; not to be alone with him. I thought, with me being only six and completely naïve at the time, that Statler was saying Bradly might be like Jefferson, so I tried to keep my distance.”
This is where things would begin to get tough. Petula had never had to go over all this with anybody but Statler, her therapist, and one other individual who she’d yet to name.
“Things were pretty much…status quo for a while,” she persevered. “I went to school. Statler graduated, then almost immediately turned eighteen. With only the small amount of money we’d inherited from our parents that was in a trust, Statler decided that rather than spend it on college, he’d join the Army. Which he did.”
“And that left you alone with the Bothwins.”
“Yes.” She shivered, and Julian tightened his hold.
“When did you first know that things were…going wrong? ”
“Within the year,” she managed. “Mrs. Bothwin was gone a lot, and Mr. Bothwin worked mostly from home, so he was the main caregiver.”
Caregiver. What a joke that word turned out to be.
“I was now eight, almost nine. Bradly Jr. was five, and not in the…abusive picture yet, but Mr. Bothwin made up for that.”
Petula cleared her throat. “He started out with punishments for small infractions. He’d say I took something from his desk, or he’d make some kind of a mess, and blame me for it. For those crimes, he’d…” This was where things would start to get tough. “…discipline me. That meant spanking. Hard. On my…bare skin.” Petula took a deep breath. “He said that’s how it wasalways done to him, so he saw no reason not to use the same on me. After the first time, I went to Mrs. Bothwin and told her. She was…sympathetic, to a point, but said there was nothing she could do to help me, and that if I behaved, everything would be alright.
“Even at the age of eight, I knew she was lying.
“Mr. Bothwin found out I’d told his wife, and the punishment for that was even worse.” Petula wouldn’t go into detail. Julian could use his imagination on that one. In actuality, she’d been beaten again, then once Mrs. Bothwin had left to wherever she went every day, Petula was made to walk around the house without her clothes. It had been humiliating, and of course young Bradly Jr. had been watching, which was even more horrifying.
“After that, I kept my mouth shut, except in letters to my brother. I somehow knew that if the Bothwin’s found out I was telling him everything, the privilege ofanycontact with him would be revoked. So I did it all in secret, writing at lunchtime in school, then mailing the letters to him on my walk home.”
“Are you sure you need to keep going?” Julian’s body was shaking with what Petula knew was suppressed rage, but she wasn’t scared. He was clearly angry onherbehalf.
“I’ll just give you an overview, before I move on to Junior.” Petula swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat.
