Trask nodded. His father was starting the conversation Trask wanted to have.
“It’s clear you’re not comfortable here, son. It’s very obvious to both meandyour mother. And if that’s the case, why did you leave the Marines? What’s motivating you right now?”
Trask sighed. It was time for some honesty. Not complete disclosure, but at least some. “I’ve been asking myself the same question,” he admitted. “I was…unhappy with something thathad been going on at my headquarters. Also, I was displeased over being a desk-jockey these last few years. So with the way Spence talked up his new business, I thought there’d be an immediate place for me to fit in at Diver Downeast. Which doesn’t seem to be the case,” he added dejectedly. “Despite all the contracts that are coming in from various companies, there’s still very little to do until Spence and Buck’s training is complete, agreements with potential clients are signed, and jobs defined.
“But even then…” He trailed off, a nerve ticking in his eye. “Am I going to be much help, not having been diving more than a dozen times in as many years? I don’t bring nearly the chops that Spence and Buck do, and I certainly can’t operate a sub like Tabitha.”
His father scooped up a huge spoonful of cereal and chewed reflexively before swallowing, then used the business end of his utensil to point at Trask.
“Well, it seems to me you can either continue to whine about it, or you can shut down your pity-party and start doing something proactive.”
“My pity…?” Trask coughed at the terminology his father tossed at him, eventually managing to clear his throat as he swallowed with difficulty.
Hadhe been holding a pity-party?Damn.
His father might have a point.
Trask realized he’d been blaming his brothers for his inactivity with their as yet to be up-and-running business.Andhe’d been internally bitching about his living quarters, but he’d done nothing about it. In reality, had he been dragging his feet feeling sorry for himself?
He posed the question to his father. “You think I’ve been sabotaging myself? That I’m…somehow punishing myself for having left the military?”
His father simply shrugged and threw the possibility back at him. “Have you accomplished anything concrete since you’ve been here? Have you even tried to define what your new role here or at Diver Downeast will be?”
When Trask would have answered, Guy held up a hand. “Listen. I’m not saying you don’t deserve some down time, son. After being at the government’s beck and call for thirty years, no one begrudges you that. But you can either relax and enjoy some well-deserved leisure without looking so pained all the time, or you can get off your ass and start working toward making this next chapter of your life what you want it to be.”
And there it was in a nutshell.
Trask didn’tknowwhat he wanted for himself moving forward. Did his control-freak, workaholic-ass require a steady, full-time job? Did he want adventures? Was he here, simply looking for a way to reconnect with his family after being on his own for so long?
He didn’t have a clue, but his dissatisfaction certainly ran deeply.
If he were to admit it, he was…lonely.,
Having been witness for years to what a great partnership his parents had, and to see four of brothers finding happiness with really wonderful women, Trask couldn’t help but ponder if there wasn’t someone out there for him? Someone who could put up with his cranky, set-in-his-ways personality. Someone who wouldn’t run away the first time Trask inadvertently barked an order, rather than asking something politely.
Trask knew his weaknesses; knew how little his military training had prepared him for life on the outside. Was there any civilian woman who wouldn’t balk at him needing strict order and guidelines to survive?
Dammit, he was even slightly jealous of all thedogsthat had become part of the family. Buck and Bobbie had Cooperand Reyghan, Spence and Tabitha had Duck, and even Mason—along with his wife, Everlee—had Izzy.
Maybe he could find a dog…
But that situation, as intriguing as it was, wasn’t what needed immediate attention. He couldn’t use the thought of a pooch to whisk job and housing logistics to the back burner.
Trask regarded his father. “So, you think I’m sabotaging things on purpose so I can blame my lack of satisfaction on opportunities I’m not actually pursuing? So that I can…what? Run away when things don’t line up the way I want them to?” he pondered, immediately seeing the truth in that.
“I’m not saying it, but you just did,” his father returned mildly, then arched a brow. “For example, what’s on your docket for today?”
Trask, of course, had already made up his mind to that. He’d spent too much time over the past couple weeks just driving around aimlessly, trying and not succeeding to reconnect emotionally to “home”.
“I already kicked myself in the ass this morning and asked that very same question,” he revealed. “I’m going to sit down with Spence, Buck, and Tabitha, and have them define my roll in their company. After that, if it’s a satisfactory meeting, I’m going to look for a place to live.”
God knows, he had plenty of money. He’d been frugal for his entire enlistment, and had made good investments. He could afford to buy a couple of houses, outright, and not even blink.
His father gave a little smile. “That’s a good start. But you know, if you don’t end up finding what you want with Diver Downeast, I can always use another hand here at the mill. Not as a worker-bee,” he clarified quickly. “I actually need someone I can trust to be in charge. I’ve been contemplating working shorter weeks, and even taking some real time off here andthere. Your mother and I have been discussing the possibility of a little travel.”
Wow.This is the first time Trask had heard anything like that from his parents, and if anyone deserved some relaxation time, it was them. Could he help them out? Even though he hadn’t worked at the mill since he was a kid, he had a feeling he’d drop right back into it pretty easily.
Trask nodded, and took a bite of his cereal, chewing slowly. Still, he didn’t want to get his dad’s hopes up. “That might work for me,” he contemplated. “Maybe part time at Diver Downeast, part time here, filling in for you… It doesn’t sound bad.”
