“And have you? Listened to their side?”
“Yeah,” I admit. “It turns out the whore I blamed them for fucking was actually manipulating all of us. So now we’re all just trying to move forward.”
“I don’t blame you when it comes to her. She’s known for being problematic to the wives of the players she represents.”
“It’s nice to know it isn’t just me she targeted,” I say honestly. “But I’m trying not to think about the what ifs when I can’t change them. And I’m trying to forgive myself for being so quick to judge without getting their perspective.”
“How do they treat you now?” he asks.
“Levi’s been... Levi,” I joke, and Tate laughs. “He wants to pick up where we left off. Landon is more cautious. He wants to rebuild our friendship before anything else—that is, if anything else even happens.”
“And what do you want?” Tate asks.
The question catches me off-guard. I set my coffee down and really think about it for a moment.
“I’m not sure. Honestly, I’m scared—so much happened. I knew I couldn’t trust her with them, but they had me convinced I was imagining things. I don’t want to get hurt again, but I also remember how it felt to be with them, and I miss it.”
“It sounds like you’re being smart. Being friends is a good place to start.”
“I think I want to be friends with them first. I haven’t dated since then, and maybe I might want to.”
Our food arrives, and we eat for a moment in comfortable silence. Then Tate asks, “What would your ideal job look like? If you could have any position?”
I think about it while I cut into my eggs benedict. “Honestly? I’d love to work for a sports brand or agency. Something connected to hockey or athletics in general. I’ve never played sports, but I’ve seen how many athletes get into trouble posting their own content, so it could be fun.”
“You could probably leverage your relationship with Landon and Levi, I’m sure they would be more than willing to help.”
“I could,” I agree, “but I don’t want to use them. I want to earn it on my own.”
We fall into a comfortable silence, then I take another bite and moan slightly.
“That good?” Tate asks with a smile.
“So good,” I confirm. “You’re missing out with your boring eggs.”
“My eggs are not boring,” he protests. “They’re understated.”
I laugh so hard I nearly spit out the sip of coffee I’ve just taken. “Understated eggs. Wow, very brave.”
The conversation between us flows naturally—he asks me about growing up in the area and about Leila and her family. Then we talk about him and his family, and what it’s like being the assistant coach compared to an athlete. Eventually I ask what he does on his days off.
“Honestly?” he says, scooping up the last of his eggs with his toast. “I’ve been keeping to myself a lot lately. I’m trying to figure out who I am outside of hockey and my family’s expectations.”
“Don’t you get lonely?” I ask.
“I do,” he admits. “But I’m realizing that sometimes you have to be alone to figure out who you actually are.”
I understand that on a fundamental level. The time I spent away from Landon and Levi, as painful as it was, taught me a lot about myself.
“And what did you figure out?” I ask.
Tate sets his fork down and looks directly at me. “That I like things I’m not supposed to like. That I want things that don’t fit the expectations other people have built for me. And that maybe I’m tired of pretending to be something I’m not.”
“For what it’s worth, I think you should be whatever the hell you want to be and fuck everyone else and their stupid views of what you should and shouldn’t do. When did society stop minding its own damn business?”
“It may have been around the same time as social media,” he says with a laugh, and I couldn’t agree more.
By the time we’re done eating, I think I understand why Landon likes Tate. He’s thoughtful and kind, with a dry sense of humor. He listens when I talk, and not only because he wants something from me.
