I’m anxious this morning as I stand outside the bus, made more obvious by the pacing I’ve been wearing a path into the pavement for over the last twenty minutes. After the second show here in NYC, Sadie and Quinn grabbed the train to their parents’ home in Mount Vernon.
Quinn’s able to see her parents all the time, but it had been months since Sadie had been able to visit, and since yesterday was a down day for us, it made sense for her to go see them. For her at least. For me, pure torture. I realized thirty-six hours without her on this tour, was thirty-five more than I liked.
So, now, I’m waiting like a puppy for its master to come home, because I miss the shit out of her. My heart soars when I see the Uber she described in her text pull up in the parking lot. It sinks just a tiny bit when I realize Quinn is still with her. I assumed she would be staying at her parents, or returning to her own place.
Sadie is in a soft shirt and joggers, hair tied up, a cardboard coffee cup in hand. The early sun halos her edges like she’s cut from warm light instead of bone and nerves and quiet steel. She’s talking to Quinn in low, conspiratorial whispers. Quinn is laughing. And Sadie, God, Sadie looks relaxed. Happy. My heart does something violent against my ribs at the sight. I’m done pretending this doesn’t wreck me in the best possible way.
Sadie sees me and does this little half-smirk, half-shy-smile thing that shouldn’t hit me the way it does. I shove my hands in my pockets and do my best to look relaxed as I lean back against the bus.
Quinn, of course, notices immediately. “Oh look,” she observes loud enough for me to hear, “your brooding shadow awaits.”
Sadie nearly chokes on her coffee. I’m learning Quinn has no filter.
“Morning.” I smile at both of them, then lean in close to Sadie, relief swamping me at having her near again.
“Morning,” Sadie chirps soft and warm. “Quinn’s going to join us for the ride to Boston if that’s okay?” Her expression gives nothing away, so I’m not sure if this is good news or bad. “She’s got friends she’s going to visit there for the weekend.”
“Of course, we’ve got plenty of room on the bus.” I snag Sadie’s bag from her grasp using it as an excuse to swipe my hand against hers. “Not sure how Mikey’s gonna feel about it though.” I chuckle in advance of what’s probably about to happen.
I end up sitting across from Mikey and Quinn while Hayden scrolls silently through sports scores and tries to pretend he’s not entertained by the disaster unfolding across from him.
Mikey keeps glancing at Quinn like she’s a bomb that might explode if we go over a bump to hard. Quinn, on the other hand, lounges with her legs crossed, perfectly unbothered, gently tormenting him just by existing.
“So,” she twists so she’s facing Mikey, “how does it feel to be the best part of this band?”
He tries to bumble out a response, his cheeks flushing. “Excuse- I mean- Well, I mean- I am great, but-”
“I’ve heard your drum solo.” She cuts off his failed attempt, chin perched on her fist. “I felt my soul leave my body. It was very spiritual.”
Hayden actually coughs a laugh into his sleeve.
“I— uh— thank you?” Mikey manages, turning the exact shade of a ripe tomato.
Quinn beams. “You’re welcome.”
I lean toward Hayden. “She’s going to ruin him.”
Hayden doesn’t look up. “Yup.”
Somewhere in the middle of Connecticut, Sadie gets up to grab something from her bag. I follow her like a moth with no shame. The bunk hallway is dim, quiet, and blessedly empty.
She turns and nearly walks into me. “Oh!”
I press her against the wall, bracing my hands on either side of her hips. “I missed you.”
“I missed you too.” Her breath hitches as she looks over my shoulder. “We’re supposed to be keeping things quiet.”
“I am being quiet.” I dip my head, grazing my lips across her temple. She shivers.
“Dean…”
I kiss her once. It’s a slow, deep, claiming kiss I’ve been thinking about for the last two nights. She melts instantly, fingers tightening in my shirt. “This is dangerous,” she whispers against my mouth.
“So am I,” I mumble back, kissing her again. “But you’re still here.”
She exhales a shaky sound that goes straight to my ribs. I rest my forehead on hers. “This feels too good. Tell me we can stop pretending.”
Her eyes soften. “I’m not pretending.”
