For three days while she'd been recovering in the hospital, he'd been constantly on the phone with his fellow Keepers, coordinating logistics and making arrangements that he hoped weren't overstepping boundaries he should have discussed with her first. Logan had been characteristically direct about offering resources. Todd had helped coordinate medical transportoptions. Sadie had researched accessibility modifications and physical therapy providers.
But every decision had been made without consulting the person whose life would be most affected.
Am I being selfish?The question had plagued him through sleepless nights in uncomfortable hospital chairs.Am I taking away her choice because I can't bear the thought of leaving her alone in Nebraska?He'd justified it to himself as practical necessity.
It's for the best, at least for now, he'd reasoned during his conversations with Logan.We can figure out the rest once she's healed. We can see if what we have is real when we're not dealing with crisis and trauma.
But watching her sleep, seeing the vulnerability in her relaxed features and remembering the terror in her eyes during Doug's attack, Casper knew his reticence had nothing to do with practical considerations and everything to do with pure cowardice.
He'd never been afraid to face enemy fire in Afghanistan. He'd stood beside his brothers-in-arms during the worst firefights of his military career without flinching. He'd confronted his abusive stepfather as a teenager and his sister's stalker as an adult without hesitation.
So why was he terrified to have an honest conversation with the woman he’d fallen for?
Because this mattered more than anything else in his life had ever mattered. Because losing her would be worse than any physical wound he'd ever sustained. Because he'd rather live with uncertainty than risk hearing that she didn't want the future he was desperately hoping they could build together.
As the plane began its descent, the change in altitude stirred Willow from her sleep. Her eyes fluttered open, immediately seeking his face with the instinctive trust that had developedbetween them over the past weeks. But he could see the anxiety lurking beneath her sleepy confusion, the same worry that had made her so quiet during their departure from Kansas City.
"I need to tell you something," he said, the words finally breaking free from the paralysis that had gripped him for days.
She straightened slightly in her seat, wincing as the movement pulled at her injuries. Her blue eyes focused on his face with an intensity that made him feel exposed and vulnerable in ways that gunfire never had.
He took her hands in his, noting how small and fragile they felt despite the strength he knew she possessed. "I know you're wondering how to make everything work with your injuries and the wheelchair and..." He paused, struggling to find words that wouldn't sound presumptuous or controlling. "Your house in Nebraska is your refuge, your sanctuary..."
"But Nebraska isn't your place," she said quietly, her voice carrying a resignation that made his chest tighten with panic.
"No, you're right. It's not." The words were honest, but he could see her withdrawing emotionally, building walls to protect herself from what she clearly expected to be abandonment, and he cursed his inability to express his decision. “Fuck…”
"I know you have your job to return to."
"Yes, I do."
The look that crossed her face was a mixture of disappointment, hurt, and resignation.Shit… just tell her.
"No, that's not what I mean—" he started desperately, but the flight attendant chose that moment to interrupt their conversation.
"We're beginning our final approach," she said with professional cheerfulness, moving through the cabin to collect glasses and ensure seat belts were fastened. "Please make sure you're securely buckled in."
Casper bit back a string of curses that would have made his Delta Force teammates proud. The timing couldn't have been worse, cutting off his explanation just when he'd finally found the courage to begin it.
Willow's attention was diverted to the landing preparations, her gaze fixed out the small window as the landscape spread below them. He could see the tension in her shoulders, the way she was already emotionally preparing herself for whatever goodbye was coming.
"Fuck," he muttered again under his breath, low enough that only she could hear.
She turned to look at him with a questioning expression, and he saw his last chance to salvage this before they landed, and the moment would be lost entirely.
"We'll talk when we land," he said urgently, his hand tightening on hers. "Just please don't hold this against me. I know I'm handling this badly, but please trust me for just a little longer."
The confusion in her eyes was plain to see, but she nodded slowly. "Okay."
As the plane touched down on the airport runway, Casper made a silent vow that he wouldn't let another opportunity pass. Whatever happened next, Willow deserved to know the truth about his feelings and his plans.
Even if that truth terrified him more than any enemy he'd ever faced.
41
Willow tried to force a smile, but she could feel it wavering at the edges as she looked at Casper with what she knew must be undisguised sadness. Her heart was breaking in slow motion, each beat a painful reminder that the man sitting beside her was already emotionally withdrawing, even as his physical presence remained steady and reassuring.
She'd finally managed to sleep during the flight, thanks to the combination of pain medication and emotional exhaustion that had overwhelmed her resistance to unconsciousness. But now, as awareness returned with the plane's descent, she felt nauseous from the turbulence, the medication, the persistent ache in her ankles, and most of all, the crushing weight of impending abandonment.
