Belle whines when AJ snaps his fingers, but after a beat, she settles on the floor in front of me so he can take her spot.
I set the book in my lap, swallow hard, and trace one edge of the lantern with my fingertip.
“I see it when I close my eyes sometimes. I don’t know why.”
He frowns, his gaze shifting from the lantern to me. “How does it make you feel?”
My chest stutters with each ragged breath. “Alone. Afraid.” A single sob catches in my throat, turning into a hiccup when I can’t hold it in. “Cold. It was so bright it hurt. Or…maybe…I hurt. I don’t know.”
I can’t look away from the glowing flame. And despite the warmth of the room, I’m shivering. I want to curl into him more than anything in the world. Let him wrap his arms around me and chase all the nightmares away. But that won’t keep us safe. I need to tell him as much as I can. Before I can’t tell him anything.
“I’m not supposed to move. Not supposed to speak. If I do…he’ll be angry.” My voice is getting smaller and smaller. I’m losing myself. Soon, there won’t be anything of Grace left. Maybe she’s already gone. I pull my knees up to my chest and start rocking back and forth. “I need you. In the dark where the light hurts. I need you.”
“I’m here, Grace. I’m here.” He pulls me against him, rocking with me until the light fades away.
Chapter Forty
AJ
Grace’s rocking slows, her breath hitching less and less with every beat of my heart. She clings to me like I’m the only thing holding her together.
I press my lips to her hair. God, if I could, I’d rip these horrible memories from her, drag them out to the center of the lake, and drown them.
But I can’t.
I wasn’t there.
I couldn’t stop her from being taken.
Couldn’t find her.
Couldn’t save her.
And the truth of it grinds me down until there’s nothing left but guilt and rage.
“I’ve got you, darlin’,” I murmur, though I have no idea why she’d trust me. “I won’t fail you again. Please believe me. If it’s the last fucking thing I do, I’ll keep you safe.”
After one final shudder, she lifts her head. Her blue-gray eyes are bloodshot, tears clinging to her lashes.
“Again?” Her fingers tremble slightly as they skim along my jaw. “You didn’t fail me, AJ. I may not remember how I was taken, but I know it wasn’t your fault.”
Her words cut deep, despite how desperately she’s trying to reassure me. I want to believe her. I do. But my entire goddamn purpose in this life is to protect her, and she was taken anyway.
I press my lips to her forehead. “Come on. You need to relax. I’ll draw you a bath.”
“I’ll be fine?—”
“Please?” The single word escapes on a whisper. Can she hear the desperation in it? Does she see how close I am to breaking?
With a sigh, she eases back, sets the sketchbook on the coffee table, and nods.
I get to my feet and hold out my hand. The total and complete trust she gives me as I lead her into the bedroom threatens to snap my last shred of sanity. “It’s gonna take a few minutes for me to fill the tub. Why don’t you lie down until everything’s ready.”
Leaving her curled up in bed with Belle, I close myself in the bathroom. Hot water cascades from the faucet as I light candles and find her favorite bubble bath—the one with lavender and shea butter.
Despite the calming scent filling the room, my mind races. She drew that lantern with such precise detail, Zephyr might be able to identify it. Maybe find out who purchased it. Where it was shipped.
For days now, I’ve spent every minute I’ve had alone researching cults in Texas and Mexico. My desk is covered with Post-It notes—hidden by the leather blotter Grace bought me for Christmas five years ago.
