I shake my head, staring across the left bank at the wheel all lit up. “No. I…do not like heights. I took Noele to Disneyland Paris when I was twenty, and I almost passed out on the tamest of roller coasters. He has always wanted to go. Noele will take him, eventually. But she is a wedding planner—did you know that?”
“I didn’t.”
“Summer is her busiest time. The wheel closes in the middle of October.” I do not like admitting my failings as a mother. Mateen is my world, and I would give anything to find the courage to take him.
“I could…uh…if you want.” Nomar will not meet my gaze. “I know he comes home tomorrow, and I’ll understand if you want me to stay away. But…”
I fiddle with the hem of my sweater, unsure how to explain Nomar’s presence to my son. “You will stay? Even after the other man—Griff?—is here?”
He stares down at the sidewalk for several steps, and I fear I have his answer.
“I’ll stay as long as I can.”
I stop and let go of his arm. “What does that mean? ‘As long as youcan?’A day? A week? A month?”
The pain etched on his face should deter me. But not this time.
“If you are only going to disappear again, I do not want you around my son.” The first tears prick at my eyes, and I step into his path so he cannot help but look at me. “Mateen asked about you almost every day when you left the last time. I will not put him through that again.”
He nods slowly. “I should have told him myself. Or…told the President to go fuck himself. I thought…they told me six months, Lisette. I believed them. Six months, and I’d be done. I could come back. See you and Mateen. Try…for something real with you.”
“Why didn’t you?” I do not know how to feel about his admission. Happy he thought of me—of us? Or angry he did not return?
“The CIA fucked it all up. Kept stringing me along. ‘Just another month. We’re almost there.’” He shakes his head and huffs. “At a year, I’d had enough.”
“And what of the next two?”
Nomar’s shoulders hunch, and he takes my arm. “We should head back to your place. We’re too exposed.”
Shaking off his hold, I glare at him. “You have not answered any of my questions, Nomar. I have trusted you with some of the worst parts of my past, butyoudo not trustme.”
With a ragged breath, he runs a hand through his hair. “I trust you, Lisette. I swear it. I’ll tell you everything. Just not here. Not…tonight. Please. Let me have this one, perfect day with you.”
The desperation in his voice sways me. Todayhasbeen perfect. In every way. “All right. But tomorrow…there can be no more secrets between us.”
Relief eases the lines bracketing his lips. “I won’t disappear again. Even if…fuck. Even if you decide you don’t want to see me again after tomorrow, I’ll always answer the phone if you call. Always.”
* * *
“You are joking,”I say as he takes my keys and unlocks my front door. “Trevor always seemed so serious.”
“Oh, he is. Now. But fifteen years ago, he pulled some epic pranks.” Nomar removes his gun from the holster and holds up his hand. “Lock the door. I need to clear the house.”
Most of the night, I have managed to forget the potential danger. We laughed over dinner, stuffed ourselves with Coq au Vin and Tarte Tatin, and kissed along the banks of the River Garonne. Only our fight marred the perfection of today.
I hear nothing as he moves around upstairs. His footsteps are utterly silent, and it reminds me how dangerous he is. How deadly.
“All clear,” he says. “I need to do a perimeter check and move my car. Lock the door—”
“Mateen will call soon. Take my keys.” I start for the bedroom, but turn after two steps. “I am not ready to tell him about you, Nomar. Not yet. Please, stay downstairs when you return?”
Pain fills his gaze for a moment, but then he blinks it away. “I wouldn’t tell him about me either,” he mutters, almost to himself. “I’ll be back in fifteen minutes.”
I almost stop him.
He said he would not disappear again.
Is that enough? I want it to be. I want Nomar to kiss me and tell me he wants me as much as I want him. That nothing will ever tear us apart again. But I know he will not. His time in Afghanistan haunts him, and he believes it will destroy whatever this is between us.
