My God. I’m in awe of this woman. Of how she’s changed since I left her back in Boston. How she’s found herself. She’s still everything I’ve ever wanted. And don’t deserve. But now, she’s even more.
With a half smile, she continues. “Life is not meant to always be beautiful. Or kind. We are not owed happiness. We have to find it, claim it, and do whatever we can to hold onto it. I am happy here in Toulouse. I have a job, a few friends, a life. And I have Mateen.” She reaches out and touches my cheek. I can’t help but lean in. “But I think…you have been searching for happiness for a long time. I hope you find it one day.”
Before I can reply, she rises with her coffee cup held close to her chest. “I need to shower. You can join me, if you want. Or relax. The patio is beautiful in the mornings.”
My inner voice screams at me to follow her, but my feet are rooted in place as I watch her climb the stairs. Ford would tell me I’m being an idiot. That I don’t have any right to decide what’s best for her. That if she wants me, that’sherchoice.
He’s right. I know he’s right. But one day, my past is going to catch up to me, and she’s the one who’ll pay the price.
* * *
Lisette
I sit on my bed, holding Nomar’s pillow. Every time I think we are making progress, he shuts down. I have so little time left with him. Once my son comes home, I will not allow Nomar to share my bed. Not unless he agrees to stay and give us a chance.
Mateen asked about him for months after he left. Nomar was his hero. His protector. If he sees us falling in love—acting like a couple—only for the man to disappear again, he might never forgive him. Or worse. He might never forgive me.
I bury my face in the pillow and breathe in his scent. Whatever happens tomorrow, we will have today. I will not waste it.
“I hoped I’d find you naked.” He grins at me from the door jamb, heat smoldering in his dark brown eyes. “You said something about a shower?”
Loosening the belt on my robe, I stand and let it fall away. Nomar rummages in his duffel bag and comes away with a strip of condoms.
“We only have an hour! You expect to use all of those?”
He shrugs. “Hope springs eternal.”
His shirt lands next to my robe. I could look at him forever and not tire of the view. He’s nothing but sculpted muscles and tattoos, coiled energy on the prowl.
In three steps, I’m in front of him, running my hands over his chest, his shoulders, down to French words inked on his bicep.
“Il n’est rien de réel que le rêve et l’amour.” My eyes start to burn.
“Nothing is real but dreams and love,” he says, holding my gaze. “I got it a couple of weeks after I found your bracelet at Faruk’s compound. I needed something of you I could keep with me. Always. I thought about you every day, Lisette. YouandMateen. If I’d had a choice, I never would have left you.”
Pressing my lips to the flowing script, I taste the salt of my own tears. I thought he’d abandoned us. I was so very wrong.
“Lisette? Fuck. What’s wrong?” He tips my head up and kisses my tears away. “Talk to me, sweetheart.”
My heart swells at the fear and concern in his eyes. Maybe there is still hope for us. For a future where he does not disappear again. “There is nothing wrong. Nothing at all. Except for those jeans.”
* * *
We walkhand-in-hand down Rue du Parc. The chill in the air warns that autumn will be here soon, and I shiver. Nomar shrugs out of his leather jacket and drapes it over my shoulders. Such a simple gesture, and it brings more of his woodsy scent to my nose. “No one has ever done that for me before. Thank you.”
We stop at a light, and he cups the back of my neck, leans down, and kisses me. The stirrings of something more than passion, more than friendship, more than…everything warm my heart. He plays with a lock of my hair, pressing his cheek to mine.
I relish in his closeness as he checks behind us. Every time we stop, he finds some excuse to touch me. And though he is always watching for threats, he is still tender.
Studying his face when we start walking again, I give voice to the question that has been bothering me since our shower. “Do youalwaystravel with condoms?”
Shock widens his eyes, and he chuckles. “Nope. ButIdidn’t pack my duffel bag.”
Now, I am confused. Did he plan on sleeping with me? If so, why did he push me away so many times the previous night. “Who did?”
“Ford. Or…someone he paid.” Nomar squeezes my hand, the gesture reassuring. “I was in Karachi when he called. All I had with me were a couple of tunics, a set of black fatigues, some tech, and weapons. Ford had a private plane waiting for me at the airfield. Along with clothes, a razor, a couple of burner phones, a hell of a lot of cash, and…a box of condoms.”
“But…why?” I am truly grateful Ford thought of…everything. But, still confused. “Do you sleep with women wherever you go?”
