“Trevor told me his old gaming system didn’t survive.” I shrug, staring down at my feet until Lisette’s arms wind around my waist. She smells like something warm, soft, and sweet. “It’s nothing—”
“It is everything.” With a little sigh, she relaxes against me. “Come in and give it to him? He asks about you every day.”
I draw back enough to tip her chin up so I can see her eyes. “Me?”
“Why are you surprised? You saved us, Nomar. You are his hero. Mateen…” she shakes her head. “He loves his father. As all little boys do. But he knows Faruk hurt me. And after what happened…in Uzbekistan, he does not want to go back there ever again.”
The sorrow in her voice has me sliding my hand down to the small of her back and holding her against me. The contact isn’t enough to ease my guiltorher pain. There’s nothing in this world that can. She’ll carry the memories with her for the rest of her life. Mateen might forget. One day. He’ll have the chance for a normal life.
“Please,” she says and threads her fingers with mine. “Come say hello. He had a bad day, but he is feeling better now.”
“How bad?” Holding fast to keep her at my side, I scan her tired gaze, the bags under her eyes, the slump of her shoulders. “He’s getting the transplant, right?”
“In one week, yes. But first, his immune system must be…destroyed.” The word catches in her throat. “He has chemotherapy every day. By the weekend, he will no longer be allowed visitors. Even a simple cold could be life threatening. I will need to wear a mask and gloves at all times…”
Her eyes glisten with tears, but she blinks them away. “I will not be able to stay in the room with him at night. He will be all alone.”
I cup her cheek, skating my thumb just under her eye. Up close, I can still see the fading bruise, but it’s barely more than a memory now. Lisette stiffens for a beat, then leans into my hand. Shit. I don’t have any right to touch her. Not after everything she’s been through. And if she really knew me, she’d run—shouldrun. If only I could help myself.
“He’s a strong kid, Lisette. And Ford…I’ve never met his boss, but he’s a legend in my world. No one’s getting to Mateen.”
She nods absently, but I can tell my words don’t do a damn thing to reassure her. She’s barely holding on. There’s a hollowness to her cheeks and a pallor to her skin that worry me.
“Who’s taking care ofyou, sweetheart? Are you sleeping? Eating?”
Lisette pulls away, angling her gaze to the floor. “Noele and my parents are here. Ford gave us an apartment three blocks away. They dote on Mateen.”
“That’s not what I asked.” I guide her to a padded bench against the wall and urge her down next to me. “When was the last time you slept?”
She still won’t look at me. “He has nightmares. All the time.”
“Can your sister stay with him? Even for a few hours? You need rest.”
The little shake of her head sends my frustration through the roof until she whispers, “To Mateen, she is the woman who brings him coloring books and looks like his Mama. He does not know her. When he napped yesterday, I went to the apartment to shower and change, but he had a bad dream. He cried for me until I returned. Noele was heartbroken. My parents even more so.”
“So you haven’t had a break. At all.” The harsh edge to my voice has her shoulders curving inward.
Fuck. Be a little more sensitive, idiot.
Gentling my tone, I ask, “What can I do?”
Lisette swipes at a tear glistening on her cheek. “Come say hello to Mateen. Maybe…he will feel safe knowing you are here.”
“What about you?” I shouldn’t press her, but I have to know. “Do you feel safe? With me here?”
For several seconds, she holds my gaze. “I feel safer now than I have in ten years. Because of you.”
Wrapping my arm around her shoulders, I breathe in her scent. Try to memorize the feel of her relaxing against me.
I’m not this person. I go in, do the job, and get the fuck out. I’ve been the deadliest operator in the Afghan theater for almost twenty years. But with Lisette, I see a chance for something more.
If only I were brave enough to take it.
“The nurse is probably going to kick me out soon. But I figure there’s just enough time for Mateen to beat my ass at FIFA.”
Lisette laughs and twists out of my embrace. “He beats everyone. If you can hold him off until the café sends up another corndog, I will be impressed.”
“Do I need to wear a mask and gloves? I can. Whatever he needs.”
