I drop my head into my hands. My hair is still damp, and I grab fistfuls of it and pull, hard, using the pain to keep me focused.
Ripper rattles off the coordinates, and Ryker presses a call button to relay them to the pilot. This plane has a fuckingcall button. Takeoff is smooth and quick, and my ears pop as we climb to cruising altitude.
“Detailed map as well as a floor plan headed to your tablets now. Harrow has a virtual appointment with a judge in Salt Lake City in two days. Case is listed as a conservatorship hearing.”
“Fuck. He’ll have access to Q’s money, be able to make all of his medical decisions, and keep everyone else away from him. For the rest of his life.” I punch the back of the seat in front of me. It’s so soft, it doesn’t even sting. Q’s worst nightmare was falling under Alec’s control again. Not being able to defend himself. Being drugged, locked away, losing the freedom he’d found this past year.
“This asshole is putting a hell of a lot of work in here,” Inara says. “Is Q loaded or something?”
“He created an app that shot to the top of the mobile stores just a couple of days ago,” I say.
“Holy shit.” Inara whistles. “That’s serious cash if it stays there.”
“Zen Oasis?” Wren asks. She’s still running comms from the condo she and Ryker share not far from downtown. Her anxiety attacks are worse than mine ever were, so I’m not surprised she knows about Q’s app. “Spitsnacks. I recognized his company name—vaguely—but it didn’t register why until now.”
“He can’t get into Q’s accounts until after the hearing, right?” I ask.
“Not unless Q gives him the information. But Graham…” Wren sighs, and I finish her thought.
“If he’s drugging Q like he was before, he might already have what he needs.” Another, much worse thought steals my breath. “If he does…why would he even keep Q alive?”
I start to hyperventilate, and then Ryker’s in front of me, unbuckling my seat belt, jerking me to my feet, and steering me to the back of the plane.
“Down. On your ass. Head between your knees,” he orders. “Right fucking now. Q’s going to need you once we get him out of there, and if you fall apart on him now, you’ll be compromised in the field.”
“Ryker.” Ripper breaks in over comms. “I got this.”
“No, Rip. Don’t put yourself through—”
“I’ve alreadybeenthrough it. And a whole lot more. Go.” My earbud beeps, switching us over to the private channel, and Ripper asks, “Is he gone?”
Ryker’s already back up front with the rest of the team, each of them with their tablets in hand. “Yeah.”
“Do you love Q?”
It’s not the question I expect Ripper to ask. Hell, I didn’t expect the man to try to talk me through this particular panic attack at all. But though he’s the quietest member of our team, at the moment, his voice carries the same authority Ry and West have simply by existing.
“Yes.”
“Does he love you?”
“Yes.” I’d bet my life that’s what he wanted to tell me on that bench. The bench we should be sitting on right now.
“Then…as fucked up as this sounds, it doesn’t matter. That sad sack of shit with maggots for brains is going to try to break him.”
“Not…helping,” I wheeze.
“Not finished, dumbass.” Anger and disgust war for dominance in his voice, and he swears under his breath. “That combination of drugs in Q’s blood work…thatspecificcombination…I know what it does.”
“Oh…God. Rip.” Before we pulled him out of that hole in Afghanistan, West and Trevor ran down the basics of how psychopaths like Amir Abdul Faruk break people. Drugs. Isolation. Intense pain followed by kindness. Keep the target off balance, never knowing which way is up. Do that long enough, even the strongest man—or woman—will break.
“When you get him out of there, he’s not going to know which end is up. But he’ll knowyou. You’re his constant, Graham. His tether to reality. So you’re going to do whatever you need to do and compartmentalize all the shit threatening to drown you so you can be there for him.”
“I don’t know how.”
“Yeah, you do. Because those first couple of days after Ry pulled me out of that hole? When I didn’t believe anything was real? That’s what you did for me.”
* * *
