“A little. But you’re not wrong. I’ve never been afraid of my parents. My cousin has, and when she came to live with us, she told me all about the hell she went through. But I never lived it.”
“Why did you give me this internship?” Corey asks with a quick glance across the Land Rover. “Li and Isaiah I get. But me? My grades were barely above the minimum required.”
“Because GPA isn’t always the best indicator of how smart or motivated a person is.” The set of jaw tells me he’s not buying it, so I let out a sigh. “Your essay. That’s why. Because I knew you’d seize this opportunity and make the most of it. It’s great to be the best and the brightest. But it’s just as important to be the most driven and dedicated. And maybe…I saw a chance to help you like my parents helped my cousin.”
“I’m just going to let you down,” he says quietly.
“Why would you say that?” You’re the one who cross-bred our most successful hybrid.” The largest orchid in the Smithsonian greenhouse is growing like no other, and Corey nicknamed it “Queenie.”
“That plant… It was a mistake. It was all a mistake.”
“Corey? I don’t understand.” I wish I knew what to say to him. Five days before we left, he had anotherfamily emergency, and when he came back, he was different. Sadder. Less…himself.
He fixes his eyes on the road and doesn’t say another word until he pulls up in front of the hotel. “Rest up, Dr. Mik. We got this.”
Chapter Five
Austin
Back in my room at the Hotel Centro in San Cristóbal de Las Casas, I sink down onto the double bed and pull out my phone. I made a promise, and no matter how much it hurts, I’m going to keep it.
“Hey, squirt,” I say when Dani answers the call.
“Where are you?” The hurt in her voice sends a knife twisting through my heart, and I flop back and stare up at the ceiling. “Are you coming back before…Gil’s birthday?”
“No.” I should soften the blow, say something reassuring, explain. But I don’t have the words.
“Austin, please. I’ve never asked before, but this year…after everything we went through in Venezuela, it’s…important to me.”
“I can’t, Dani. I need to be alone for a while. Figure out what the fuck I’m supposed to do with my life. If I came back…I’d just make things worse.”
She stifles a sob. “Worse than what? Than learning just how broken Gil was before he died? Than seeing Mom and Dad blame themselves for not loving him enough? I had one brother disappear on me, Austin. Are you trying to make it two? Because it sure seems that way.”
“Way to make a guy feel like the biggest asshole in the world,” I mutter. “You and Trev went through hell, Dani. You don’t needmearound to remind you of…all of it. Think about how hard it would be for Trev to see me broken up about Gil’s death.Iwasn’t the one who fired the shot.Iwasn’t the one who trained with him. Who fought with him. Hell, I wasn’t even his target five years ago. No. I was his pawn to get to Trevor.” I’m practically yelling now, and someone in the next room pounds on the wall. Squeezing my eyes shut, I try to come up with something…anything that will make her understand why I have to stay so far away. At least for right now.
“Trevor doesn’t blame you. Not one bit. He never has. But…hang on.” A door shuts, and Dani’s voice takes on a hushed tone. “We’re okay. Better than okay. Most of the time. But you know his history. Some days, he still feels alone.Reallyalone. Despite Ryker, Rip, and the rest of the folks out in Seattle at Hidden Agenda, his family at Second Sight. And me. Those days…I think they’d be easier on him if the two of you sat down and just…talked. Honestly. About Gil, about Venezuela, about everything.”
Fuck. Guilt socks me in the balls, and I roll onto my side, not sure I can even take a deep breath for several seconds.
“Austin?”
“I…I have to go.” At her exasperated groan, I add, “I can’t come back yet, squirt. I’m sorry. But I’ll call you in a few days. Trev too. I’ll be…better.”
“Please try, Austin. I love you.”
“Love you too.” Tossing the phone on the nightstand, I punch the pillow a few times, sending feathers floating through the air. I can’t keep hurting the people I care about, but that’s about all I know how to do these days.
Something has to change. If only I could figure out what.
The brightly paintedhotel restaurant is quiet, which suits my mood after talking to Dani. I order a plate of tacos, a beer, and a shot of tequila. I’ll need at least three shots before I’m done tonight. If not more. Anything to stop the constant refrain going through my head.
You failed. Gil. Dani. Trevor. Everyone.
Every single hike, all the nights alone, each solitary meal…they should have helped me figure out who I want to be by now. Who I am. Instead, I’ve spent almost every minute rehashing my mistakes. All the signs of Gil’s betrayal I missed. The secrets he kept from me. From Dani. From Mom and Dad.
The lies.
I knew every time he deflected. Every time he kept something from us. Every time he bent—or fractured—the truth to suit his needs. Hell, I was trained to read people. Micro expressions, body language, tone of voice. But I didn’t want to believe what I was seeing. Gil was CIA. It was his job to lie. To keep us in the dark. To protect us. At least that’s what I told myself. Wrote off his behavior as being “on mission.”
