I almost found the words to ask him to shower with me. They were there. Pinging around in my brain. But though I’m almost forty years old, I can’t just forget how my parents raised me. No swearing. No casual sex. No revealing clothing.
If this were a normal relationship, I’d know what to do. Despite my parents’ wishes, I’m not a virgin. I’ve slept with three guys since college. Each one of them, I thought I might be on my way to loving. That’s always been my rule. If I care for the man, if I think I might love him one day, then I’ll take that plunge.
With Austin, there’s no question in my mind. I care for him. More than I’ve cared for anyone in a long time. But do I love him? Or are all these confusing feelings a result of almost dying?
A small toiletry kit in the bathroom affords me the chance to brush my teeth, and when I limp out to the main room, Austin’s staring out a one-inch gap in the drapes.
“Hey,” I say quietly. “Bathroom’s yours.”
When he turns, his gaze softens, and the corners of his lips twitch into what might almost be a smile. “You look…stunning.”
“I’m exhausted and wearing a white bathrobe. Are you sure you don’t need a CT scan? I’m really starting to worry about your eyesight.”
He chuckles, the tension leaving his shoulders, and for the first time since this whole mess started, I think…maybe things will be okay.
“I don’t need a doctor, sweetheart. Just a shower. The concierge sent up t-shirts and shorts. I guess they keep some on hand for guests who don’t realize this place has a full gym. Yours are in the bag on the bed. The door’s double-locked, and I wedged a chair in front of it. No one’s getting in here tonight.” On his way to the bathroom with a folded set of clothes under his arm, he pauses and takes my hand. “My wallet’s on the desk. If you’re hungry, order up some room service.”
“I don’t think anything would stay down. But what about you?” I ask. “That granola bar at the hospital couldn’t have been enough for you.”
“I’m a guy. I can always eat. But I’d be just as happy falling asleep on that couch there and not seeing another soul until morning. I’ll be out in just a few minutes.”
I want him to kiss me, but he doesn’t. Probably because he still smells like sweat and smoke and death. Or maybe it’s because we’re safe, and he’s as unsure as I am.
As soon as the shower turns on, I open the bag and pull out the gray t-shirt and shorts emblazoned with the hotel’s logo. The shirt isn’t exactly loose, the shorts not overly tight, and I have no bra or panties, but it still feels so wonderful to be wearing something clean, I don’t care.
The king-sized bed feels empty with all this space next to me, and I prop myself up against the pillows and wait until Austin emerges from the bathroom, his dark brown hair damp and tousled, and his face clean—other than the three-day growth of stubble. With all the soot and dirt, I hadn’t even noticed.
“What’s wrong?” he asks as he sinks down onto the couch and rubs a hand towel over his hair. “I figured you’d be passed out by now.”
“I…you don’t need to sleep over there.” I chew on my lower lip, clutching the blankets just under my breasts. “I’d feel better if you weren’t so far away.”
Austin’s at my side in three steps, but he doesn’t get under the covers, just sits next to my hip. “Mik, you have no idea how badly I want to sleep with you. Even if it’s just sleep…for now.” He grins, and my cheeks flush red hot. “But are you sure?”
“Yes.” I don’t know where this boldness comes from, but I’m going with it. In my professional life, I kick butt regularly. With men? I fumble around like they’re hot potatoes. Covered in bees.
He nods, his expression turning serious, and rounds the bed. “If you’re uncomfortable—“
“Austin.” I pull back the blankets and pat the mattress next to me. “You’ve been nothing but a perfect gentleman from the moment I met you. Stop.”
“Being a gentleman?” He chuckles as he lies down next to me, his eyes fixed on the ceiling, and when he pulls the sheet over him, it tents more than a little. “I want you, sweetheart. I can’t tell you how difficult it was to keep my…err…”
“Hard on?” I supply.
“That’s one term for it.” His laugh is so relaxed here in this room where no one can find us. “But I was going to say ‘dick.’”
I look down, wishing I’d kept the robe on. My nipples are tight and hard under the t-shirt, and warmth blooms in my core.
“When we get back to the States, I hope you’ll be willing to go on a proper date with me. And after that…maybe we can talk about the next step.” Austin urges me onto my side next to him and wraps his arm around my waist. His lips find my ear, and goosebumps race down my arms as he scores his teeth over the sensitive skin. “I’ve never met anyone as strong as you, Mikayla. I want to see where this goes. Because I think it could be somewhere amazing.”
“It already is.”
His whole body vibrates as a low, possessive sound rumbles through his chest. “When I came down to Mexico, I wanted to get away from everyone and everything. Pretend for just a little while that I wasn’t a fucked up asshole who…”
“Hey.” I wriggle until I’m facing him and cup his cheek. “Whatever it is, you can tell me.”
“Tomorrow.” He shakes his head, buries his face in my neck, and inhales deeply. “After we’ve slept. Had more of a meal than an MRE and that hospital-issued granola bar.”
“We’re here now. Together.”
