“Oh, you’ll regret that. I’ve had a shitty day, and I’m ready to take my frustrations out on your Spartan.” I cut down his character with my first shot. “You’ll be begging for mercy by the end of thenight.”
“What happenedtoday?”
A volley sails toward my soldier, and I roll to the side, then come up firing. Another hit, another curse, and we’re set upon by a horde of aliens. “The Coana job is getting to me.” I fill him in on today’s events as I decimate another group of hostiles, and when I’ve secured a tidy victory, I drop the controller in my lap and close my eyes. “Do you ever feel like it’s you against theworld?”
Silence greets me, and I wrack my brain for something light, fun, easy. Desperate to fill the void between us, I pick up my controller, but he saves me from my awkwardness before I can respawn mycharacter.
“All the time. Ten people depend on me for their paychecks. And when things go wrong, I have no one to blame but myself.” His voice roughens. “I’ve got a great team. But at the end of the day, my ass is on the line for every decision I make. The pressure neverletsup.”
“How do youhandleit?”
His strained laugh belies his easy words. “I take my frustrations out on the punching bag or one of my sparring partners. Blow shit up with you atnight.”
“Did you convince your instructortostay?”
“For a while.” He doesn’t elaborate, and I don’t push. Soon, we’re back to shooting aliens on screen and talking about movies. Well, I’m talking. He’s mostly giving me one- or two-word answers. By the end of the night, I feel worse than when westarted.
“You’re upset. Talktome.”
A heavy sigh carries over the line. “I want to launch this new program. No one else offers anything like it outside of New York City and Los Angeles. Once I get it off the ground, the CrossFit place becomes just a blip on the radar. But if I can’t get a loan for the extra insurance costs, though, it’s dead in the water. The bank didn’t look kindly at my bookstoday.”
“Oh. I’msorry,West.”
Ice clinks in a glass. “I’ve had to take on some private security work. Rent-a-cop shit. I won’t be around tomorrow night. Some corporate party where the CEO ‘only wants the best.’ It’s at a country club for fuck’s sake. The most excitement I’m going to see is an entitled board member puking on the golfcourse.”
More ice rattles and his voice takes on a very different tone. Deeper. Guttural. Sensual. “If I call you when I get home…will you tell me what you’rewearing?”
* * *
Before I head for bed,I pop on VetNet. I’ve been neglecting them, and though we both fought sleep for as long as we could, West lost the battle and started snoring over his headset a few minutes ago. I’m still wired, so I start a new thread, hoping for somelevity.
FlashPoint:The meds are kicking in, and I’m a little loopy. Anyone got a funny story to share? I’ll start. I’m working this killer job right now. Long hours. I order a grilled cheese and fries for lunch today on my way back from the client, and when the waiter delivers the meal, he trips over my laptop bag. The sandwich flies apart, both pieces of bread landing cheese side down on the floor, and fries pelt me. One fell down my shirt and settled in my bra. No big deal, accidents happen. But three hours later, when I’m meeting with my boss, he finds a French fry inmyhair.
I should really shower. I think there’s still French fry grease between my breasts. Royce looked so uncomfortable fishing the fry out of my dark locks, but to his credit, he said nothing. Just tossed the offending shoestring into thetrash.
Soon, the thread is full of replies. Everything from poorly-fitting prosthetics falling off in the middle of sex to walking in on coworkers kissing in the supply closet to attending a client meeting with an open fly or a pair of panties clinging to a sweater. I’m laughing so hard tears are threatening, and the bone-deep ache in my hip has faded to anuncomfortableburn.
Relaxed now, I take a few minutes to poke around some of the other threads, commiserating with LT4Life on the Chronic Pain board, sending BlueBayone a list of good physical therapists in Tacoma, and posting cute baby animal pics on the Light and Fluffy board. Hey, everyone needs a baby panda now andagain.
Over on the Vents and Rants board, HuskyFan has anewpost.
HuskyFan:We got the bill for our temporary insurance today. We don’t have enough money in the bank. My new job pays well—for what it is—but not well enough. Even if I cancel my own coverage and just take care of my wife and the boy, I don’t know that we’ll make it. I had to take on some work for a buddy on the side. I’m already working overtime at the day job, and now I need to work nights as well. I’m not sleeping, and my son started crying when I left for work today. Someone tell me it’ll be worth it intheend?
I can’t reassure him—not the way he needs—but I send him a private message, hoping that maybe taking his mind off his troubleswillhelp.
FlashPoint:Hey. I thought you’d like to know that I patched things up with first-date guy. We’re seeing each other again on Friday night. I haven’t been this excited about someone in alongtime.
A few minutes later, hereplies.
HuskyFan:Tell me about him. Distract me. I’m killing time at the second job waiting for someone else, and it’s hard not towallow.
For the next half an hour, we trade messages, and though I don’t kiss and tell—much—dishing a little about West with a semi-anonymous stranger helps me process why I feel the way I do, even though the relationship is still new. West and I share experiences, despite serving in two different branches of the military. That common thread runs through our lives, and so when West talks about letting his employees down, I don’t see just a business owner, but a commanding officer. And when I talk about all the extra work I’m doing to launch Oversight on time, he doesn’t see dedication. He sees me taking command of my own team, doing my best under orders from on high. He listens, and asks questions, and when we talk, I feel like he trulyunderstandsme.
When HuskyFan fails to respond to my last message, I send him some final words of encouragement beforesigningoff.
FlashPoint:I hope things get better for you, HF. I’ll check in with you in a few days. Don’t give up. When I got blown up, I thought my life was over. But now, even on the days the pain’s the worst, I’m happy. You’ll gettheretoo.
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