My head thrummed and I tried to breathe. My lungs compressed, not filling at the bottom. Only barely filling at the top. The panic strengthened, and I gasped, my fingers curling into the throw blanket.
“Angel,” Aiden said drowsily from behind me.
I yelped and then stopped breathing completely, my arms floundering.
He said something sharp in Gaelic and rounded the sofa, lifting me and sitting back down. “I’ve got you.” He wore only boxer briefs, and his skin was both scarred and warm. Heated, even. He cradled me on his lap, pulling the blanket up to my chin. “You’re safe. Now shut your eyes.”
I did what he said, letting him take my weight.
“Good. Now I want you to slowly breathe in, not worrying about your lungs. They’ll fill. You can breathe.” He spoke softly, his breath brushing my hair. “Now, Anna.”
I opened my mouth and tried to take a breath.
“Good. Now through your nose,” he said quietly.
I closed my mouth, and my heartbeat pounded through my ears. Then I breathed in through my nose, and my lungs filled. All the way.
“Hold for a second and then let it out of your mouth.” His grip remained firm but not constraining.
I did so, following his instructions for several moments. My heart rate slowed down and the buzzing dissipated. I swallowed, my face against his chest, embarrassment heating my cheeks. “I’m sorry.”
His chest contracted. He took a moment and then shifted his weight, placing a knuckle under my chin and lifting my face so I could meet his gaze. “Sorry for what?”
I floundered. Heat still burned my earlobes. “I, well, I don’t know.”
He smoothed my hair back from my face, his touch gentle. “Why do you have to be so tough all the time?”
It was probably a question I should ponder with my shrink, Cousin Wanda. “I don’t,” I said, my voice weak.
“Yeah, you do.” In the semi-darkness, his eyes were an animalistic blue. Deep and sharp. But his voice was soft and his body comforting around me. “You were just shot at and had to return fire. The guy with you took one. Yet you act like it’s a normal day and you don’t need anything. That you don’t need anybody.”
I’d just proven otherwise. “I need you.”
Surprise lifted his brows.
I shifted uncomfortably for a minute, my panties on his bare legs. “I needed you before when we were young, and you had to leave.” Before he could answer, I held up a hand. “I know that wasn’t your fault.” He’d been eighteen. I’d been twelve and thought the world bowed to him, and he’d gotten in trouble and had to leave town. We’d been friends, and I’d missed him. More than I’d realized.
“Are you afraid I’m leaving again?” he whispered.
I was. I hadn’t realized it until just that second, but the idea terrified me. My world was complete when he was with me. When he wasn’t, I was off. Was this how everyone felt when they really cared about somebody? I didn’t know. This was new. “I guess I am,” I admitted. “It’s possible your job will take you somewhere else for good.” I could move as well, but then I’d be leaving my entire family. For Aiden, I’d do it. That scared the hell out of me, too.
“But you’re okay with my leaving periodically for undercover ops?” he asked, his expression intense.
“Yeah.” I played with the sharp edge of his clavicle. “As long as you’re coming back to me.” I watched my fingers on his skin. “I’m not good at this.”
He kissed my nose. “You really aren’t.”
His words caught me off-guard and a chuckle burst out of my chest. “I think you’re supposed to lie about that.”
“No lies between us.” He kicked his legs out to the coffee table, holding me securely. “Did you have panic attacks while I was gone?”
“No.”
“Anna?” His voice went Aiden firm.
I looked him in the eye. “I haven’t had one in months. The shooting tonight triggered one.” It was the truth.
He relaxed around me. “Don’t hide this from me again.”
