His expression hardened slightly.“Is it wrong to wish that you remain free from danger?”
“I have lived three and twenty years without your guidance.What makes you think I cannot take care of myself now?”
“Because I can see the way you are discomfited when you are faced with a true foe.Last night, I saw how shaken you were when you spoke of the mystery gentleman.”
Bloody hell.Astara knew that wasn’t a very ladylike reaction but she had hoped her unease had not been that apparent.She was frustrated she hadn’t been able to hide her reaction a bit better.“I was taken off guard,” she admitted.“It was an oversight on my part and will not happen again, I can assure you.”
“I hope that is true, which is why I think it best if you refrain from engaging with the enemy too often.If you were to be sent to France, such occurrences are quite common.One wrong move could see your throat slit and dumped into the Seine.”
She tried to act as though his words did not disturb her, but the image of her lifeless body floating down the river in Paris was quite unsettling.However, she would not turn into some wilting female now.She had lived most of her life on the outskirts of everything she had ever wanted and nothing would keep her from her ultimate goal.She had the chance to actuallybelongto something important, something worthwhile.Who was to say if she would ever discover her parents’ identity or that they would even care to see her after all these years?If she had been left on the doorstep of a London orphanage, the odds did not seem to be in her favor that they would want to reconcile with her.Likely, she was a mistake that would best be forgotten.For years, she had told herself that there had been a terrible error in judgment and her mother had mourned for the loss for years, but she could not continue to cling to that shallow hope.She had to be realistic that the Watch was her last chance to become part of a larger circle.If that meant a family of intrigue rather than one of love, then that is what she would cherish.
“I do not want that either, Your Grace, but as much as you might wish to see me give up on this opportunity, I shall continue to do my best to prove myself worthy of a cause greater than myself.If I lose my life in the process of gaining an English victory, then so be it.”
* * *
Knox clenched his fists.He did not know whether to applaud her patriotism or rail at her for her foolishness in this ridiculous quest.What did she possibly hope to gain by offering herself up as a martyr for the enemy?Did she truly care so little for her life that she was willing to offer it up to Napoleon’s army in exchange for some misguided sense of duty?It was one thing for someone like Knox to offer his services.He owed king and country more than just his title and lands.He owed the Crown his very livelihood.Portraits of ancestors lined the gallery at Hampton Court.How could he not honor those stern-faced men who demanded his acquiescence to honor that long held lineage?
He wished he could claim that was the only reason he was driven to put himself in such danger during this contemptible war, but that would be a lie.It was because working with the Lion’s Watch was the only way he could allow himself the freedoms to do what he wanted without consequence to his actions.He had been brought up to be a proper duke, a peer of the realm whom others admired and respected.It was a heavy weight to continuously carry on his shoulders, and yet he had done so for the past several years after his father had passed.The torch had burned brightly for Knox to carry proud and strong, but there were times he grew weary of the amount of strength it took to keep it glowing with perfection.Unfortunately, anything less was unacceptable.
There was a part of him that couldn’t fault Astara her determination for doing the same, for wanting to prove herself to a world that would shove her into a similar box without any sort of definition to her name other than her position within society.It was not enough that there could be a question of her upbringing, but also her current status as an unmarried woman would not endear her to many.Most ladies of her age were already wed with one or two children clinging to their hems.The fact that Astara did not seem to have any prospects of her own would certainly make it much easier for her to consider giving her life for fortune and glory.
However, he did not think they were the only circumstances that currently propelled her onward.
She walked swiftly past him, but before she could reach the doorway, he had gotten up and captured her in his grasp.With a huff, she glared at him, her green eyes snapping at him in fury.But there was something else there, something that caused an answering, predatory desire to rise up within him.Since he could not act on the impulse that threatened to take hold, he clenched his jaw and muttered, “Do not be foolish in this endeavor, Miss Smith.I know you believe this is the path you want to take, but trust me when I say I have seen enough devastation and horror to last a lifetime.I would not wish the same experiences on someone like you.”
“You mean a female?”she returned firmly.“A woman of my delicate sensibilities?”
He ignored the mocking tone.“No.Someone who does not deserve to see the realities of the brutality of war.Men who plead for death as they are taking their last breaths, the last of their lifeforce pouring from their bodies as their eyes slowly gloss over from the pain.It is not a sight anyone should ever want to witness.”
He released her and turned away, the images that assaulted him abruptly overriding any male desires.Knox had never revealed to anyone the things he’d seen during his tenure with the Watch, not even to Scarsdale, whom he would consider his closest friend.He wasn’t sure what had propelled him to speak of those demons now except that Astara had a way of coercing him with nothing more than a bold look in those emerald eyes.
“Your Grace…”
There was the lightest touch of her hand on his shoulder.He kept his back to her, his voice hard when he ground through his teeth, “You should get ready for your excursion with Midvale.England needs you more than I do.”
He tensed as he waited for her to leave him.As her hand fell away, he yearned to drag her back to him, into his arms and kiss her senseless, but that would be courting a folly that neither of them needed.
However, it was her parting words that caused more damage than if she had grabbed hold of his cock and began to stroke him.“I am here if you need to talk.I might understand more about the atrocities of death than you think.”
He closed his eyes to gain a sense of equilibrium, and by the time he turned around, she was already gone.There was nothing in front of him but the wavy exterior of the doorframe.
He reached out and clutched it, hoping that it would bring him back to the realm of reality that had somehow deserted him.He had always prided himself on his calm exterior, his ability to shut out anything displeasing.
What was it about Miss Smith that caused his entire focus to stumble in such a shocking manner?
ChapterSeven
Astara made sure that she remained in her bedchamber until she was notified of Lord Midvale’s arrival.She knew that the duke would have departed before he’d arrived.Although it would not be odd for Hampton to visit his “cousin,” he would not want to risk an encounter that could jeopardize the mission of ferreting out a dangerous turncoat.
Determined to keep her head fixed on the task at hand and push her Lion’s Watch superior out of her mind, Astara greeted Lord Midvale with what she hoped was a genuine smile as she accepted his arm.The day was sunny and pleasant, quite lovely for May in England and should her spirits be more revived, she might have actually looked forward to the outing.It was not often that she got to wear such fine clothes and sit in an open carriage.Generally, she was ignored by society or shoved out of the way as she scrambled down the street, desperate to find her next bit of sustenance to keep her alive one more day.
She’d been able to make friends with several shopkeepers in the East End over the years by not causing any trouble and doing what she could to earn their regard.She did not accept charity lightly and always offered to find a way to pay off their generosity.Today was the first time in her entire life that she had woken up to a silver tray with an array of breakfast selections in an actual bedchamber that could easily fit the entirety of her previous lodgings inside of it.
Astara was not under any misconception that such a fairy tale could last forever and she would do well to remember that the Duke of Hampton, although handsome, was not the charming prince she could rely upon to save her from a life of poverty and struggle.They had been born to two separate worlds and it was that accident of birth which drastically altered their current situations.She had long believed that life was full of such dark twists of fate.
As the gentleman spoke with genuine aplomb, Astara tried to imagine her companion in the role of a French spy.He did not come across as someone who could be so conniving or mysterious, but looks could easily be deceiving.She was proof enough of that.He did not seem to suspect her of being anyone other than who she claimed to be—the country cousin of a duke.
There was one man, however, who had seen through her careful ruse.
