He was a heartless bastard. He could never claim to be a gentleman again after speaking such harsh words to Aislynn. It tore him up inside when her eyes widened and he saw the raw pain behind them. No doubt it reflected his own anguish but what else could he do but send her away? To let her go so that she might have a fighting chance in this cold, calculated world? It was bad enough that everything he’d struggled to build around himself would be ripped away. Since his future would soon be set on a road of no repair, he would never forgive himself if he dragged her down into the bowels of hell with him. She deserved much more than that.
She deserved better than him, a man whose blood was tainted by madness.
It was for the best that he break her heart now rather than see her soul slowly wither away.
He would never be able to live with the guilt.
“I truly feel sorry for you if you believe that,” she returned evenly. “And while a woman’s sensibilities might be more delicate, it does not mean that we are without the genuine knowledge of our heart’s desire.”
Cordell had to look at Aislynn’s cheek, her chin, everywhere but her eyes so that he could find the strength to speak. “It is admirable that you think you understand the difference. Either way, I did not mean to lead you in the wrong direction. I have said from the beginning that I will never marry and pass on my tainted lineage.” He scrubbed a hand down his face. “Now, more than ever, that holds true since my uncle truly is as mad as everyone has claimed he is.”
There was a significant pause. “So, you intend to always live alone on the basis of what if?”
“I shall.” Cordell uttered. “It is enough for me.”
As the carriage rounded a bend, Aislynn saw the sprawling, slate gray ducal mansion in full view. One glance and she could imagine why people might consider the duke to be mad without stepping foot inside. It looked like something out of a Radcliffe Gothic novel. Cold and ominous, it was about to become more so when the master of the house was carted away by several Bow Street Runners.
“It is very important that you play your part, Aislynn,” Cordell announced.
“Do not worry yourself on that score.” She lifted a brow. “I have not gained so many adoring aficionados by not knowing how to slide into the role of a particular character. I can easily adopt the role of adoring debutante as well as any other.” She slid forward slightly. “But before we do this, I need you to do something for me.”
“And what is that?”
“Look at me. In the eyes, which you seem to keep avoiding.” Cordell reluctantly made his attention focus on those emerald green orbs that would forever haunt his dreams. “Now tell me you do not care about me too. If you can do that without turning aside, I will be inclined to believe you.”
He told himself he could do it. He could lie to her because she meant nothing to him. Except she was right. It wasn’t true. He’d already suspected that he was in love with her and now his voice refused to obey the command to follow through.
“Just as I thought.” Aislynn was the one who opened the door when the carriage stopped. She stepped to the ground without any assistance and when Cordell joined her, she whispered to him, “This is not over.” Tossing his earlier statement back at him, she claimed, “I will not allow it.”
They were interrupted by the opening of the front door followed by a stern-faced butler who stood stoically in the frame. “Master Cordell.”
It was how the entire staff addressed him. Ever since he had convalesced at his uncle’s estate all those years ago, the devoted servants still considered him as more than just family, but as an extension of the duke. It was a formality that Otlingham himself had enforced.
“Hanes.” Cordell inclined his head. “Is my uncle at home?”
“He is in the gardens,” the butler intoned, hardly sparing a glance toward Aislynn. “Shall I have your suite of rooms prepared?”
“I am afraid I am here on an urgent matter and not a social call,” Cordell returned.
The butler frowned slightly. “That sounds dire.”
Cordell thought it best not to answer that.
“I shall send one of the footmen out to inform him of your arrival.” As they entered the foyer and the door was shut behind them, the butler added, “If you would care to wait in the blue parlor, I will see that tea is prepared straightaway.”
“That isn’t necessary. As I said, this is not a social visit.”
Hanes seemed curious but said nothing, just turned on his heel and led the way. Aislynn followed silently behind him, but he could only guess at what she was thinking. He shot a quick glance at her before they headed for the parlor and he noticed her interest in the surroundings. No doubt she was not accustomed to such finery. Cordell was not particularly fond of the hunting portraits and gleaming polished wood, the smell of beeswax wafting through the air. He had always considered his uncle’s home as more of a museum than an actual residence. He had been perfectly content without all the finery when he’d been younger, and for the short time he had stayed there to overcome the shock of his mother’s gruesome death and his father’s subsequent demise, it had been nothing more than a means to an end.
Walking through the familiar halls now did nothing but brought back unwanted memories. It was one of the reasons he did not visit his uncle as often as he should have over the years, because he’d just wanted to forget those dark days.
As they entered the blue parlor and the butler took his leave, Cordell walked over to the window to stare out at the expansive gardens and pretend that the confrontation to come was not going to destroy him.
Aislynn was worried about Cordell. While she didn’t intend for him to wipe his hands of her so easily once this sordid affair was concluded, she knew it was going to be difficult for him to endure. But she would show him that she wasn’t some wilting society debutante. She had always been made of sterner stuff. If she owed her mother any sort of debt, it was that she had taught her daughter to be tough by the unsavory upbringing she’d had.
It did not take long before the duke joined them. She saw him first and she was surprised to find that he wasn’t an old, crotchety man like she’d imagined. For some reason, that was the image she’d had in her mind whenever Cordell spoke of his uncle. But he did not have gray hair, other than a slight bit of discoloration at his dark temples. He still retained his physique and was similar in stature to Cordell. It was easy to discern that they were related because of the many outward characteristics they seemed to share.
However, that was where they ended.
