Warmed by her kindness, Leah said, “I should like to thank her in person once I see Harlan.”
“I’m sure she would like that very much.” He smiled slightly, and then headed for the door.
They didn’t have far to go before a footman opened another door for them and they entered a dimly lit room. The curtains were closed and a few gas lamps lit about the room. She could just make out a figure lying still in the large, four-poster bed, and Leah’s heart leapt into her throat with fear. It was as if they were already picturing the worst fate.
Hugh stood back as Leah made her way forward to the side of the bed. There was a chair beside it, and she had the feeling Hugh had been making good use of it. Rather than do the same, Leah sat on the edge of the bed and reached out to grasp Harlan’s hand. It was as cold as ice. But one look at his face and she could see that he was flushed with fever.
Her throat constricted and she had to swallow several times before she felt confident enough to speak. His name still came out as a soft whisper. “Harlan?” She tried again. “Harlan, it’s Leah. Can you hear me?”
Nothing. Not a single stir of movement.
Her eyes started to sting, but she blinked the tears away. “I’m not giving up on you. Do you hear me? I’m not giving up onus. You need to cease this foolishness immediately and come back to me. I need you, Harlan. I need you more than words can possibly say.”
He moved, and she had hope, thinking that it was going to be that easy to bring him back around, but instead, his forehead creased and he reached out his good arm and grabbed her with a mighty grip. His fingers dug into her flesh and she gave a soft cry.
Hugh was by her side, ready to assist, but she shook her head and he backed away.
“What is it, Harlan?” she cooed, hoping that her voice would soothe whatever demons he was trying to face in his delirium. “Are you fighting for me? I’m here. I’m safe, and I’m waiting for you.”
She held her breath, waiting to see what he was doing. Abruptly, the pressure eased and his arm fell back to his side. He mumbled something incoherent beneath his breath, and then he moved a bit more and became still once again.
Leah lowered her head, but when Hugh touched her shoulder and suggested she return to her chamber, she shrugged his offer away. Turning her focus on him, she said firmly, “I’m not leaving him.”
He must have seen the determination in her gaze, because he sighed and held up his hands, before dropping them to his sides. “As you wish. But if you change your mind, or need a break, I will not be far away.”
She softened her tone. “Thank you, Hugh. Are Benjamin and Lucas still here as well?”
“No.” His mouth tightened slightly. “I told them that they needed to return home to their families and I would send word if Harlan’s condition changed. It took the queen’s guards to make them leave. I wonder if they will ever speak to me again.”
“You can’t blame them,” Leah said quietly. “But you did the right thing. Harlan wouldn’t want everyone here hovering over his bedside. You should go home as well.”
“I can’t,” Hugh said. His focus drifted to the man lying in the bed. “I have been with him too long to desert him now. Since we were in short pants. I know my wife will understand the delay.”
“You are a good friend, Hugh.”
He looked at her with a solemn expression that she’d never seen before. “You are good for him too, Miss Lindquist. And for both of our sakes, I pray he recovers enough so that he might tell you that himself.”
As he left, Leah found herself taken aback by his parting statement. Was he trying to tell her that Harlan might… love her? Her heart skittered in her chest, because it was the one word that would make their union complete.
Harlan was caught somewherebetween heaven and hell.
Perhaps it was purgatory.
Perhaps it was something much worse.
Wherever he was, it was torturous not being with Leah. He kept imagining that he heard her voice, felt her gentle touch, but she was always just out of his reach. He tried to order her to stay, but she always skated just beyond his grasp.
He was starting to wonder if he might never wake up from this dreaded oblivion.
In his delirium, he started to recall his childhood and how he’d always looked up to his father, a man who had fought and died valiantly in the service of his country at the Battle of Waterloo. He had always wanted to live up to the same expectations, to feel as though his father’s memory might live on in him.
He had hoped his efforts might have coerced his mother to come back from the brink of melancholy after her husband’s death, but she had slowly faded away in front of Harlan, and there was nothing he could do about it. He recalled standing at her grave and thinking it was such a shame she had never been able to recover from her grief.
He’d said he didn’t want to put Leah through the same devastation. He couldn’t bear it if he had to look at another mound of dirt with that twisted sensation in his chest. And yet, he couldn’t seem to stop himself from getting more and more entangled in her web. It wasn’t as though she was at fault, but from the moment he set eyes on her, it was as if something had flared to life in his hollow chest. He couldn’t believe that there might be anyone that could cure his desire to die in the field of honor like his father, but when he imagined a life without Leah, he knew that there was only one choice for him to make.
He wanted to be with her.
But first, he had to find his way back to the surface of the living.
