“Get some rest,” Lucas said gently. “I will inform you the moment Harlan returns.”
She looked at him, and the weariness she’d been trying to keep at bay swamped her with a yawn that caused her jaw to crack and her eyes to water. “Thank you.” She stood and after a slight wobble, she waved a hand at the maid. “You mentioned a bath?”
The girl smiled broadly. “Yes, ma’am. And some of that rose scented soap you have enjoyed so much.”
Leah put her hands together in the semblance of a prayer. “Heavenly.”
However, she had to look back at the empty hallway one last time before the door to her chamber shut behind her. She worried greatly about Harlan, but it eased her mind knowing that he wasn’t mortally injured. He had another scratch—as he would call it—and although he’d done his best to remove the body so the queen would be spared the gruesome sight of a corpse, Leah was disheartened that he hadn’t returned for her.
She wondered if this was the sign that their brief affair had run its course. While her heart would forever despair losing a man like Harlan, she wasn’t going to beg him to stay with her, even if her soul was bleeding at the thought of ever leaving him. She was sure that Agnes would offer her a place to stay, especially now that her brother wouldn’t be coming home again. And there were some things that she would like to retrieve, like her precious valise with her most cherished, personal belongings.
But for now—sleep.
“What the hell are you doing?”
Harlan turned a bleary eye to Hugh. He was leaning against the outer wall of the palace. A cold sweat was still dripping down the sides of his face. Considering the way he was feeling at the moment—exhausted, injured, and several emotions he couldn’t yet name—he wasn’t in the mood to humor Hugh. “Resting,” he noted dryly. He waved a hand at the body lying a short distance away. “It was no easy feat to drag Bernard out here in my current shape.”
Hugh tooknote of his wounded appendage, which had finally ceased to bleed quite so profusely. Nevertheless, Harlan’s arm was coated red. “Benjamin, take care of Bernard, would you?” Without a word, Benjamin walked over and tossed the body quite effortlessly over his shoulder. Once he had disappeared around the side of the building, Hugh dropped down beside Harlan. “I meant what are you doing outhere, when you should be with the woman you love?”
Harlan clenched his jaw and turned away. “I told you before I don’t need you dictating my life.”
“Even if I think you are being stubborn and might lose the one thing you’ve always wanted?”
With a muttered obscenity, Harlan got to his feet. His head spun, but he was determined to have his say. “Sod off. What was I supposed to do? Pour out my romantic heart to Leah over the top of a dead man while the queen looked on and clapped with joy from the side?” He snorted in disgust. “I did what I needed to do. My job is done.”
“I suppose that is a fair point,” Hugh returned reluctantly. “But that doesn’t excuse the fact you caused her to worry unnecessarily about you. I saw the pain in her expression, heard the concern in her tone. The least you could have done was ease her mind by letting her know you were taking care of Bernard and that this was your final mission for the Home Office.” When Harlan didn’t reply, Hugh’s brows drew together. “Youaretendering your resignation, aren’t you?”
“I thought I was, but now…. I don’t know.” Harlan shoved a hand through his hair with his good arm, his injured one hanging at his side and stinging like the devil himself had ripped a hole in it. Neither this conversation, nor the pain, went very far in improving his mood.
Hugh got to his feet and set his hands on his hips. “I can’t believe you would let Leah down like this.”
“Perhaps I’m doing the opposite. Perhaps I’m protecting her, and other people, from men the likes of Bernard. Who else is going to stop men like that? It’s not as if there is a line of men hoping to risk their lives for the Crown. Most serve in the military and then move on to other prospects.”
“Which is whatyoushould be doing,” Hugh interjected.
Harlan clenched his jaw, his mind tortured with thoughts of this evening as his patience came to an end. “Youweren’t in that cellar tonight! You didn’t see the pistol pointed at Leah’s head and feel your stomach drop to your feet thinking that you failed in every way possible, feared that you could never be with her again, and that the child she might be carrying would never know his father.”
Hugh’s eyes widened and he paused before he said, “She’s increasing?” Rather than back off as Harlan had hoped he might, Hugh actually stepped closer. “Have you lost your mind?”
Personally attacked, Harlan ground out, “What are you talking about?”
“You have the chance to be afather, to secure the family you always wanted, that you had been denied as a child, and you would allow your own flesh and blood to suffer the same consequences?”
Harlan’s head was starting to pound. Until then he hadn’t allowed the ramifications of his actions to fully penetrate his mind. Or his heart. For years, he’d admired his father to the point he’d allowed his entire life to be consumed by the need to prove his own worth to Wellington and the other men who had fought so valiantly beside his sire. But try as he might, Harlan always felt as though he had fallen short of the mark, although he had been commended for his work in the field.
It suddenly made him wonder if it would ever be enough. If he was only trying to chase the same glory that his father had achieved, and trying to honor his mother’s memory, perhaps he would never feel as though he was adequate enough. There was only one person who had ever made him feel as though he was the hero he always wanted to be.
Leah.
He’d been absolutely blind until now, but thankfully, he had a friend like Hugh who was determined that he see the truth, and not the façade.
He opened his mouth to retort, but all at once dizziness swamped him with a vengeance. Spots danced in front of his eyes and he tried to hold out an arm to catch himself. But it was no use.
He fell to the ground.
Chapter 24
Leah awoke with the sun streaming through the window. She had no idea what time it was, but her stomach rumbled with hunger. Surprising, considering the events that had transpired in the cellars. She thought food would be the last thing on her mind, and indeed, until she knew how Harlan was, she could hold off her stomach’s demands a bit longer.
