Sobering a bit in spite of that, she gathered the rest of the items and took them into the bedchamber. “I shall try these on later.” When she returned, she rubbed her hands together. “Are you hungry? Does anyone care for some coffee?”
Everyone agreed to the latter, and as they sat down together in the parlor, Leah kept noticing that everyone was smiling and friendly—except for Harlan. His continued lack of speech made her wonder if he was upset with her for some reason. Last night he couldn’t have been more caring or gentle, but perhaps the harsh light of day had made him regret his actions.
Leah should be feeling the same. She had told herself to shy away from too much intimacy with Harlan, but she couldn’t seem to make her body obey her rational thought. If they chose to part ways when all this was over, the separation would devastate her, but at least she could survive knowing that he was still alive somewhere in the world. Whereas death was a permanent loss that would cripple her heart for the rest of her days, just as her father had suffered, as well as Harlan’s mother.
She supposed it was too late to retrieve her emotions at this point. It was useless to tell herself not to fall in love, because after last night, she was convinced that he was the only man for her. Should he not feel the same, she would be crushed, and any attempt at securing happiness after him would be futile. She could possibly find contentment, but she was sure these flutters in her stomach when Harlan entered the room would not be matched by any other.
“How is Benjamin faring?” she asked, since no one had broached the subject yet.
“Quite well,” Matthew said with a warm smile. “Thanks to your kind consideration on his behalf. I daresay he will be demanding to be released back into the field to fight for his country as soon as he is able to do so.”
Leah nodded. “I’m glad to hear it. I know he would not be happy otherwise.” She smiled fondly, thinking of the burly man who had become a friend, like the rest of Harlan’s men. But then she sobered when she asked, “Have you heard anything from Hugh?”
Lucas shook his head. “Not as yet, but he gave his word that he would make sure nothing happened to Agnes during his watch in Dudley.”
Leah nodded her head, thankful that someone was daring to watch after her unfortunate sister-in-law.
Deciding to push the rest of her disquieting thoughts about Harlan out of her mind, she continued to entertain Lucas and Matthew while they had their coffee, but as they got up to leave, the intention to continue searching the city for their suspect, Leah could feel the tension enter her body. As all save Harlan departed, she considered turning and heading into the bedchamber to inspect her new wardrobe, mostly in an effort to keep herself busy, but she couldn’t leave things unsaid between them when she had assumed that all was well.
She looked at Harlan directly. “Is something wrong?”
He blinked. “What?”
His inattentiveness was further indication that something was weighing heavily on his mind. “Are you upset with me for some reason?”
Immediately, his face cleared and he walked over to her. Placing his hands on her shoulders, he bent down and gave her a light kiss. “Not at all.” All too soon the frown had returned and he turned aside. “But last night, I did allow my passions to carry us both away. That was a mistake. I didn’t take the necessary precautions to ensure you wouldn’t become with child.”
Leah thought Harlan might have mentioned something about the threat to the Crown, or his worry over her involvement, but to speak of his lack of protection had been an unexpected topic when she hadn’t thought twice about it. Until now.
Her hand slid down to her stomach. For her, it would be a miracle if she were to have a child that carried part of herself and Harlan, but his crass behavior made her believe it might be the worst thing imaginable.
“I shouldn’t concern yourself about it unnecessarily.”
He looked at her almost incredulously. “How can you say that? Do you realize how devastating that would be for both of us right now? I would think of nothing but your safety and that of our child.”
“Since it is entirely too soon to tell,” she said firmly. “There is no need to work yourself into a frenzy. We should be concentrating on the matter at hand.” She lifted her chin, determined to change the conversation. “Did you send word to Wellington yet?”
Harlan wantedto send his fist through a wall. The fact that Leah could be so nonchalant about something so important was frustrating, to say the least. He wanted to whisk her away to some secluded place in the country until they could be assured she wasn’t expecting.
He couldn’t believe he had been so foolish as to not consider the ramifications of his actions, when before, it was all he thought about. It was the reason he was such an asset to the Crown. He had always been able to lay his emotions aside and focus on the task at hand.
From the first moment he’d set eyes on Leah, his attention had been sadly lacking. He could think of nothing elsebuther from the moment she sat across from him in his carriage. An overwhelming urge of protectiveness had risen within him and some inner sense told him that he would never escape the hold she didn’t know she had over him.
While each passing day brought him closer to her, Harlan couldn’t act on any further impulse should he want to do so. He had to ensure that the threat to the queen was diminished, and only then might he hope to offer Leah more than just a night in his bed.
Because he wanted her.
And not just her body, but everything that came with it.
He could tell she was upset by the way she’d turned the tide of the conversation. It pained him to think that he might have injured her sensibilities, but again, he was powerless to do anything. Until the assassin was captured, he was still in debt to the Crown. He had to clear that debt in order to be free to do what he wished.
“The duke is expecting us later this afternoon.”
She seemed surprised. “Both of us?”
“Of course. It is what you wanted, was it not?”
“Yes, but…” Her lashes fluttered. “I didn’t think that he would agree.”
