Lyra knew that her mother lamented all that wasted time and that she was doing her best to atone for her mistakes. Any advice she had to impart could be accepted or rejected, but in this instance, Lyra had to choose her own path. She’d always done what was expected of her in an effort to please her mother and her desire to bow down to society’s expectations, but those days were over.
“I realize that you are only trying to help,” Lyra began. “But as far as Alister and myself, anything that happens between us is my choice.” She shrugged. “Granted, that may not be the reassurance you were hoping for, but it’s all I can offer.”
Her mother’s lips twitched, her eyes full of resignation. “Since when did my daughter become wiser than her mother?”
Lyra smiled gently. “Since I learned to let go of the past, not worry about the future, and make the most of the present.”
* * *
Alister was waiting for Lyra at their appointed rendezvous point when she finally rode into view. Nearly two days had passed by the time they were able to slip away, for Lord Harville had effectively pinned him down with his promise for some hunting sport.
Luckily, an archery tournament was being planned today, thus Alister was able to claim an urgent estate matter that required his immediate presence at Thorn Hall, while Lyra had planned to head for the village on some other pretext. In truth, they were going to ride the two hours or so it would take to get to Robertsbridge in East Sussex, where Weston Manor was situated at the edge of town. Without many delays, they should both be back at the house party well before dinner without anyone the wiser.
As he saw Lyra’s familiar outline coming toward him, he was able to breathe a bit steadier. He took in every black-clothed inch of her and had to smile, for those rebellious blonde curls were threatening to escape from under her purple bonnet. As she drew up alongside him, the memory of flesh against flesh was still etched into his brain and his cock eagerly twitched at the recollection of their exploits in their personal, sexual jungle.
“Good day.” It seemed like a rather mundane thing to say in light of the circumstances, but it was all he could manage.
She didn’t seem to mind as her entire face seemed to light up from within. “Your Grace.”
“I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you,” he blurted out. Old habits, it seemed, tended to persist.
This time she blushed. “Neither could I.”
He laid his arms across the saddle horn. “Did you know that my sister actually cornered me this morning and demanded to know my intentions toward you?”
He saw Lyra’s lips twitch. She was likely just as surprised that Euphemia might have come to her defense, although she merely said, “Lady Franheim and I have become rather good friends.”
“Perhaps you might let me in on the secret some day,” he murmured. “We’ve never managed to see eye to eye.” He turned his horse around. “Shall we be off?”
At her brief nod, they urged their mounts into a canter and headed for Weston Manor.
They were silent for a time before Lyra spoke up. “So what happens if you find what you’re looking for?”
Her voice sounded hesitant, and while he didn’t want to address the issue hanging between them, he decided it was best to be honest. “Assuming we do find something incriminating on Lord Weston, I will have to take the information directly to Whitehall.”
A pause. “And after that?”
He sighed. He knew what she was asking, but whatever he said wouldn’t be what she wanted to hear. Hell, it wasn’t whathewanted to hear. “I don’t know.”
“I see.” After that she fell silent, while he felt as if he’d been kicked in the stomach. He always claimed that the last thing he’d wanted to do was hurt her, but isn’t that what he’d just done?
* * *
Lyra wanted nothing more than to get this trip over with so she could get back to her room at Harville Manor and hide from the rest of the world and suffer any further heartbreak in private.
What had begun as an adventure had quickly turned sour with those three words:I don’t know.But what had she been expecting? A profession of his undying devotion? A marriage proposal? Was that even whatshewanted? She had always known that once Alister concluded his mission, their association would also have to end.
In truth, it should have never started. Unfortunately, the heart was a fickle organ that never acted as it should.
Again Lyra brought to mind Miss Anne Elliot, Jane Austen’s character fromPersuasion. While second chances worked out for some, life wasn’t like a novel. In the end, Alister would leave, and she would be alone again.
It wouldn’t have been so bad if she hadn’t lost her heart in the bargain.
“So this is Sir Dalyngrigge’s Bodiam Castle?”
Lyra had been so preoccupied with her musings that she hadn’t even realized they had already made it to the outskirts of Robertsbridge. At Alister’s query, she glanced up at the massive sandstone edifice with its surrounding moat. What had once been a commanding presence was now nothing more than a sad ruin.
Much like my life…
